Going to underdeveloped countries to find a marriage partner is becoming a realistic action for some Chinese men. Compared with the high marriage costs in China, these countries and regions rarely have marriage thresholds such as dowry gifts and RVs, which is undoubtedly more attractive to men from ordinary families.
was born in 1991. After rationally measuring his conditions, Xiao Xiang decided to find a transnational marriage. In the end, he got his wish and married a Vietnamese bride.
Vietnamese lover
When I was 26 years old, I began to seriously consider my marriage and love issues and formulate plans for it.
I have had two relationships before, but both failed. I often review my reality late at night: I am not tall, have an average appearance, my parents are both farmers, I graduated from a non-dollar college, can't afford a house, and can't get all the betrothal gifts. In short, it does not belong to the "high-quality man" in the marriage market.
What's more, in order to achieve class leap, I have always regarded entrepreneurship as a dream. But if I get married in the country, I will be emptied by buying a house and there is no way to start a business.
by chance, I saw in the news that a Huaihua elder brother married a Russian bride. His actual conditions were similar to mine. When the bride got married, she had nothing. With the joint efforts of the couple, they realized wealth creation. , live a life I envied.
Going to underdeveloped countries to find transnational marriages is the wish of many ordinary Chinese men. Compared with the high marriage costs in China, some countries that do not have clear requirements for pre-marital property in social customs have become new choices for men with limited real conditions. In some transnational marriage agencies, women's recommendation rate in Southeast Asian countries is very high in response to men's mate selection needs.
I have an idea: marry a foreign wife. And thus began my journey to find my wife.
When I first found my wife, I met some girls from Ukrainian through some multinational dating platforms. Most Ukrainian girls have fair skin and beautiful appearance, and do not discriminate against Asian men. After a while of communication, I found that the whole process was very difficult. There is a five-hour jet lag between China and Ukraine. After the girl comes home from get off work and finishes her meal, it is already 2 a.m. in China. Moreover, the round trip of China to Ukraine costs about 30,000 yuan. If I really have a girl I like, I can't afford the round trip cost. Finally, I gave up the idea of finding a partner in Ukraine.
Later, I met some Korean and Japanese girls, but I didn’t feel much moved. Japanese and Korean girls have a kind of "confident self-confidence" and always have a sense of superiority when facing Chinese people. So, I turned my attention to Southeast Asia.
Picture | China-Vietnam Border
One day at the end of 2017, I noticed a Vietnamese girl on the website. The photo looked very beautiful and it suited my eyes. I added her account, but it didn't pass the next day. Fortunately, her homepage had a phone number, so I opened international long distance and called her. At that time, I thought that if I could not talk to this girl, I would completely give up the idea of finding a foreign girlfriend.
There was a nice voice from the girl on the other end of the phone. Perhaps she saw the incoming call, and the first thing she said was: "Hello, have you eaten?" Then she hung up the phone. Later I found out that this was the only Chinese sentence she could speak. After that phone call, she passed my friend's request.
Her name is Tonglan. She majored in English in college and minored in Chinese. Unfortunately, she forgot about it. Now a Chinese person suddenly appears and becomes a netizen with her, which arouses her desire to pick up Chinese again. We have video calls for an hour every day. During the chat, I learned that Tonglan's father is a veteran who works at home, his mother works in a factory, and she has five children in the family. She ranks second, and her youngest younger brother is only 8 years old.
After graduating from Tonglan University, he entered a foreign trade company to work. His life was very simple and he did not have too many social activities.She looks peaceful, gentle and polite. After we got to know each other, she became more and more lively and cheerful, and often sang Vietnamese songs for me.
After a year and a half exchange, Tonglan's Chinese language was already fluent. I think it's time to muster up the courage to confess to her. But she said, "I just wanted to chat with a Chinese, and I never thought of marrying a Chinese, after all, it was too far from my home." I was a little discouraged and didn't contact her again. More than a month later, I thought we had given up on each other, but Tong Lan suddenly started to talk to me on his own initiative. I think maybe she still has concern and nostalgia for me.
Later I confessed my love twice, but both were rejected, but she was a little relaxed: "We haven't met yet, how can we start dating?" I felt hope in my heart, made up my mind, and waited until the project at hand was finished. , go to Vietnam to meet her.
plan always fails to keep up with changes. At the beginning of 2019, Tonglan told me that her grandmother introduced her to a boy from the town, and she had a good impression of boys. I immediately asked her: "We have been together for so long, would you please give me a chance to compete?" She agreed: "Then come quickly." I quickly applied for a visa and set off from Changsha to , Hanoi . On the day of arrival, Tonglan arranged a taxi to pick me up and went to the hotel she had booked. After get off work, she rode a motorcycle to take me to meet her best friend, and we went to Hoan Kiem Lake together in Hanoi. We had a great time in the hot night wind. When I took a photo, I mustered up the courage to hold her hand, but I was thrown away.
While Tonglan went to the bathroom, her best friend told me that Tonglan felt that there was still a gap between me and her ideal boyfriend. After returning to the hotel, I couldn't sleep, but I was still unwilling to give up Tonglan. I suddenly thought that if I got the recognition of her family, things might turn around. At lunch the next day, I asked Tonglan with a tentative attitude: "I flew from such a distance, want to go to your hometown and visit your family." After thinking about it for a while, she agreed.
Photo | Tonglan's home in Nanding
After two hours of riding, we went from Hanoi to Nanding. In order to leave a good impression on her family, I get up early every day to clean up and wash all their whole family's clothes. Later Tonglan told me that her mother recognized me very much: "This child is good, gentle and hardworking, and does not have the arrogance and machismo of some Vietnamese boys. You have found the right person." And advised her: "Meet a good man." Let's get married! "The third day after
came to her house, Tonglan's "blind date partner" learned that I was coming, and kept calling her. Tonglan hung up again and again in front of me. Finally blocked him. That night, Tong Lan rode me on a bike and took me for a ride. She took the initiative to put her arms around my waist. I knew that she finally accepted me.
After a short stay, I returned to China. After two months, I couldn't resist my longing for Tonglan, so I flew to Hanoi again. The longer I get along, the more simplicity and simplicity in Tonglan will attract me, and my feelings for her will become stronger.
Later, I applied for a tourist visa with Lan and visited me twice in Changsha. I took her to visit famous attractions in Hunan, experienced the historical folk customs of Fenghuang Ancient Town , appreciate the beauty and magnificence of Zhangjiajie, and also felt the A charming atmosphere of the internet celebrity city in Changsha. During the journey, we have more and more tacit understanding and our relationships are becoming more and more stable.
In October 2019, I took my parents and brother to Hanoi to formally propose marriage to her parents. Two elderly people from
languages were not well-versed, and they started to greet them under my translation of Tonglan and I. Tonglan's parents were crying and asked me to take good care of her and to go home after marrying from China. During the whole process, no specific issues such as bride gifts and houses were discussed. My parents also immediately promised that they would treat Tonglan like their biological daughter.
frustrated domestic romance
Before I met Tonglan, my two relationships in China were not going well, and even left me some psychological shadows.
In 2013, I just turned 22 years old and met my middle school classmate Xiaotong at a party. After the party, we contacted us frequently on WeChat and finally confirmed our relationship.
The busyness and complexity in the early stages of work are soothed by the sweetness of love. Unfortunately, after a few months of love, Xiaotong suddenly said to me one day, "My parents want me to marry a boy from the same village, and the whole family is trying their best to match him."
Xiaotong and I are both from Hengyang In a village, her mother gave birth to three daughters, and the family wanted to recruit a son-in-law very early. The family they found for Xiaotong is in good condition. The best thing is that they have the same surname as her family. If they get married, they can have the inheritance of the surname Jiang without having to be a son-in-law. In order not to let Xiaotong come to Changsha to find me, the family even confines her.
February 17, 2014, it was winter in Changsha. I received a call from Xiaotong and was told that she would get engaged early tomorrow morning. We broke out in the most intense quarrel after we fell in love, and I don’t understand why she compromised. She kept crying on the phone, saying that she could not withstand the rounds of persuasion from all relatives.
I immediately bought the green train from Changsha to my hometown. After arriving at Qidong Station at 4 a.m., I walked 5 kilometers to her house under the cold wind. I still remember that the cold wind was covered with light rain that day, and the sky was gray. In front of her house, I shouted Xiaotong's name loudly: "I love you, open the door!" The shouts of
woke up the surrounding villagers. They gathered outside the low wall and watched the fun with a playful expression. Xiaotong's sob came from the room, followed by a fierce quarrel between the mother and daughter. Then, her mother opened the door and said, "Child, it's not impossible to marry my daughter. A 150,000 yuan gift cannot be lost. She also has to buy a house." I answered firmly, "Okay, I'll go back and prepare immediately, Xiaotong, wait for my good news." Then he stood up tremblingly and embarked on the return journey, and he didn't even have time to talk to Xiaotong.
At that time, I had just started working and had almost no deposits. I held the last trace of fantasy and spoke to my parents. My mother said tearfully, "This is the only condition at home, you know." I returned to the room silently, covering my face and crying. In the late night when I couldn't fall asleep for a long time, I sent Xiaotong the last message: I wish you happiness. The failure of this relationship made me see clearly what men need to pay for the cost of marriage, and houses and bride gifts have become unavoidable mountains. There was once a "China's Urban Marriage Cost Ranking" rumored on the Internet. Shenzhen, which ranked first, costs 2.082 million yuan, and Chengdu, which ranked tenth, costs 554,000 yuan. Nowadays, the imbalance between men and women is also common in the marriage and love market, and men have fewer choices than women. At a blind date conference in Pizhou, Xuzhou, Jiangsu this year, there were hundreds of men in line, and there were only 5 women, with more men and fewer women. Most of the right to choose marriage depends on the woman. After breaking up, I focused all my energy on my work, moved from Changsha to Guangzhou and Shenzhen, and then returned to Changsha. During this wandering day, Xiaotong gradually faded in my memory, and I had no plans to start a new relationship.
Until my junior sister Xiaojie suddenly walked into my life. At that time, Xiaojie worked in an advertising company. When she was not happy, she often complained to me and would also talk about the troubles in life to me. When I was in school, I had a good impression of Xiaojie, but I have always been with her as a senior and never crossed the line.
In summer in 2015, Xiao Jie suddenly told me that she was going to break up with her current boyfriend: "He is a doctor and has never had a source of life. He always has to rely on me to help him. I am ready to give up this relationship." After the breakup, I am going to give up this relationship." She was in a bad mood, so I tried to make her happy, prepare gifts for her on holidays, accompany her to the hospital when she was sick, and occasionally arrange some excursions. Gradually, we got closer and closer and naturally started to fall in love.
has learned the lessons from the previous relationship. During the Lunar New Year in 2016, I proposed to visit her parents. I prepared gifts for cigarettes and alcohol, and the meeting was very smooth. I plan to come to propose marriage at the end of the year and spend the rest of my life with Xiaojie.
Who knew that a WeChat message from a stranger interrupted my plan. A man who claimed to be A Quan sent me a few private photos of Xiaojie after applying through my friend, telling me that he and Xiaojie were dating. A Quan is 43 years old, divorced and has children, and has a rich family, but this relationship has never been recognized by Xiao Jie's parents.
Xiaojie explained to me: "If Aquan didn't discover your existence, I would slowly break up with him and then marry you. If you don't mind, I can break up with him immediately." I asked to break up on the spot, and then again Didn't contact her.
After these two relationships, I lost confidence and thought it was not that easy to find a suitable marriage partner in China. After meeting Tonglan, I cherish this relationship that has been tested by reality.
To some extent, this transnational marriage is also my choice to relieve stress. In the Vietnamese concept, family property can be created by couples after marriage, without the need for the man to prepare in advance. Therefore, Vietnamese men basically do not save money before marriage, spend as much as they earn, and women also value men's character and ambition more. . In less wealthy border areas such as Yunnan and Guangxi, there are a large number of transnational marriages established with Southeast Asia. According to statistics in 2019, there are 4,025 transnational marriages in Guangxi, of which 3,444 out-of-border marriages, and 3,858 transnational marriages in Yunnan. Among them, there were 3,203 cases of marriage.
I got inspiration in search of transnational marriages in the news, and it turns out that in this transnational marriage, I really rarely encounter worries from the cost of marriage. According to local standards, I only bought some furniture and appliances for Tonglan's parents' home, and gave me a gift as a return gift.
Photo | Cat Po Island, Vietnam, where we honeymoon
hard cross-border love
In early January 2020, I went to Vietnam to apply for a marriage visa. Shortly after returning to Changsha, the new crown epidemic broke out in full swing. Our plan to hold the wedding has been postponed repeatedly. Starting from the end of March, the domestic system gradually stopped processing all foreign-related visas, and Tong Lan was unable to come to China. We began a long and difficult transnational love.
We talk video every night to share every detail of each other's life, but if we don't meet for a long time, there will always be grievances and doubts. Whenever Tong Lan's emotions collapsed, I could only comfort her on the other end of the phone, ensuring that she would be at peace in China and would never give up this relationship. I always check the latest prevention and control policies, thinking that I would fly to Vietnam to marry her immediately whenever I had the chance. But when I can marry her, I feel less and less confident.
One day in July 2021, I was busy with work when I suddenly received a call from Tonglan. She cried and said, "I thought I would never see you again!"
That day, Tonglan and her colleagues had dinner in the restaurant and the kitchen The gas tank suddenly exploded and the fire spread rapidly. They climbed from the balcony to the next room, which was safe. The restaurant was engulfed by the fire, and Tonglan's motorcycle was burned to the point where only the skeleton remained. Fortunately, Tong Lan and her colleagues only had some minor abrasions. After the incident, Tonglan was the first to call me, but even his parents didn't have time to notify me. I once hesitated whether to marry Tonglan for a low-cost marriage or a partner who treats you sincerely? At that moment I was sure that it was the latter. I suppressed the touching that surged in my heart and told her: "I have recognized you in this life. No matter what happens, I will never give up." The relationship between
made me understand that none of us are the best in the crowd. One, feelings always face various tests. Only love that has experienced storms will not disperse.
In fact, since the outbreak of the epidemic, I have been under great pressure, and my parents have also begun to persuade me that I don’t know when the epidemic will end, and I might as well think about finding a local girlfriend again. Whenever I feel shaken inside, I will remember the crying sound of Tong Lan on the phone that day. I secretly made up my mind that no matter how long the meeting would be delayed, I would not let her down.
Home is finally here. In May 2022, Vietnam opened its doors and foreigners were finally able to apply for visas. However, the direct flight from Changsha to Hanoi has not yet resumed, and the air tickets are several times more expensive than before, so I decided to transfer in Guangzhou. Before leaving, except for my parents, almost all relatives and friends advised me to give up my thoughts and go to the area where the new crown was rampant. It is unknown whether I could return to China safely.
But I don’t want to stop the moment, we haven’t seen each other for too long. I always think of the passenger plane that fell in Teng County, Guangxi two months ago. Time is short and life is fragile. If I don’t go to find her, I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life.
On May 19, after two years and five months, I finally landed at Neipai International Airport. Tonglan had been waiting for me at the arrival floor, and we ran towards each other, hugging each other at the crowded airport, embracing each other tightly with this hard-won happiness.
A month later, we got the marriage certificate. At the age of 30, I finally had a wife. Tonglan and I agreed to ask for a baby first, and as for whether to settle in China or Vietnam in the future, we will plan separately.
After getting married, I often feel very happy. Perhaps we will enter a trivial life in the future and argue about the food, rice, oil and salt, but I will always remember that my wife once crossed the mountains, seas and crowds and firmly chose me.
- END -
Written by | Qin Yue
Edited by | Sun Yalan
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