Many of us want to get changes, such as losing weight, practicing eloquence, getting an ideal job, becoming a novelist, starting a business success, etc. In short, we do not want to be content with the status quo, but the facts may not be what we think. The behavior and choices of many of our people may actually point to being content with the status quo, rather than getting changes.
This may sound rather subversive, why is this happening?
If you want to explain this logic to you, you have to start with the book I recently read "The Courage of Being Hate" . There is a story in the book:
says that one day my mother and daughter were arguing loudly. At this moment, the phone rang. "Hey hey?" The mother who hurriedly picked up the microphone still had a hint of anger in her voice. However, the person who called was the head teacher of his daughter's school.
realized this, and my mother's tone immediately became polite. In this way, the mother talked in a polite tone for about 5 minutes before hanging up the phone, then changed color again and began to scold her daughter.
I don’t know if you have encountered similar scenes in your life. It means that a person can instantly switch certain emotions according to the needs of different scenes, and he may even be unconscious.
In fact, this book gives this example to illustrate: the so-called anger is actually just a "mean" that can be released or restrained. It can be cleverly put away the phone the moment it answers, or it can be released again after hanging up the phone. This mother was not furious because she was furious. She just used anger to shock her daughter with loud voices and make her listen to her.
In other words, anger is a means for the mother to achieve her goals. Each of us is choosing various means intentionally or unintentionally to promote our goals, and even deceive ourselves, so that we can believe it.
So how do we lie to ourselves? Why do you want to lie to yourself?
The author gave an example of his young friend in the book. This friend has always dreamed of becoming a novelist, but he can't write his works. He said that because he was too busy with work and did not write good works, he didn't have to contribute to any competition.
has not participated in the competition, so his works have no chance to be evaluated by experts, and he does not have to face the reality of losing the election because of his poor work, and he retains the possibility of "if I do it, I can do it too". In fact, he just wants to live in possibilities such as "I can do it as long as I have time, and I can write as long as the environment has it." Perhaps in another 5 or 10 years, he will start using excuses such as "no longer young" or "also already have a family".
Therefore, we say that his purpose is not to change himself and become a novelist, but to be content with the status quo. In order to achieve this goal, he found the excuse of "no time" to make himself feel at ease.
actually has many similar examples in our lives.
For example, there are often many friends who want to practice eloquence, and they will say that they are naturally introverted, so they are not good at eloquence. Using personality as an excuse can make you feel at ease and you don’t have to change it. For example, many friends who want to start a business will say that they have not started a business because they do not have startup capital or have a good opportunity. In this way, they can live in the illusion of "if I meet those conditions, I can also become a very awesome person". In fact, they are all excuses to find for themselves to be content with the status quo.
Then the problem arises. These people always say they want to change, but their ultimate behavior points to being content with the status quo? Do they really want to be someone with different hearts?
is actually not that they want to be people with different hearts, but that they are afraid of change.
Because if it is not changed, although it is a bit inconvenient and unfree, because they have been here in the past so many years, they are very familiar with this lifestyle. If they keep "I am now", then how to deal with the current situation and what the outcome will be like can be speculated based on experience. It can be said that they are familiar with the situation.Even if you encounter some situations, you can find a way to deal with it. For example, some people with poor eloquence will go to the bathroom to avoid it when they have to speak at a meeting.
On the other hand, if you choose to change, you will neither know what problems will happen to your new self nor how to deal with what is happening in front of you. The future is unpredictable, and life will be full of uneasiness and may be even more painful. In other words, even if people have various dissatisfactions, they still think that maintaining the status quo is easier and more at ease. In order to maintain such a relaxed and secure status quo, they will weave some excuses to rationalize their "inconsistent" behaviors.
So we say that although many people always say they want to change, from their actual behavior, they actually do not want to get real changes, but want to be content with the status quo.
What changes did you want to achieve in your past life? What is the final result? If there is no change, have you actually found some rational excuses to make yourself content with the status quo? Welcome to share your story.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Content Introduction]
A young man who was deeply involved in inferiority, incompetence and unhappiness came to challenge him when he heard the philosopher's claim that "the world is extremely simple, everyone can be happy". The two started thinking and debates back and forth. After one night, the young man began to think, why "the so-called freedom is hated by others"? The question is not what the world looks like, but what you are.
[Editor's Recommendation]
"The Courage to Being Hate" is not to attract the negative energy to be hated, but, if this is my life that wants to shine with beauty, then, even if there is the possibility of being hated, I have to walk there with my hands and feet.
"Because of having the courage to be hated, there is a possibility of real happiness."
★Japan Amazon's 2014 annual sales champion, topped the sales list for 300 consecutive days!
★ Cai Kangyong , Zhang Defen Chen Wenqian, Zeng Baoyi, recommended by courage!
★Zhang Peichao, Hu Shenzhi , motivation in Hangzhou, recommendation for preface!
★Adler's thoughts have the power to change a person's life. All that remains is whether you can muster up the "couragement" to take a step
[Tom coach recommendation]
This is the best book I have read in 2019. It makes me unable to stop reading it. I couldn't help but read the two in less than a week in a row. I also highly recommend it in the community and circle of friends. The book is written in dialogue, which is very subtle and guided by the thoughts of the famous psychological master Adler. It is logically rigorous and easy to understand, and is worthy of repeated appreciation and practice. This is a book that can help you upgrade your cognition and move towards happiness.
[Douban Rating 8.5]
