Xiong Taihang x Pengpai asked
"Even if I am bitten by a tiger now, it will be difficult for me to ask someone to rescue me immediately. Because if no one saves me, I may just die, but once someone saves me, I still have to say hello to him." A few words vividly portray the subtle psychology of modern "society to people".
Workplace, marriage, intergenerational interaction... Where there is socializing, there will be "social fear". We often think that interpersonal relationships are metaphysics, perhaps because we have not yet understood the mystery. In fact, as long as we find the right method, there is no irrescue interpersonal relationship. The Paper invites psychological counselor Xiong Taihang to talk about young people who are "social terror".
Happy chat in the workplace
@yjl189603: How to grasp the sense of proportion in the workplace? How to chat with leaders and colleagues?
Xiong Taihang: I have seen US presidential candidates go to various places to canvass votes, walked into the crowd, and greeted them, "Are you good?" "Thank you." "The clothes look so good." "This kid is so good."
The more boring a company's chat topic, the more normal and healthy the workplace of this company is. chatting with colleagues and leaders, and you must implement the "Mr. President's Principle". It is a topic that is not offensive, and it is all positive, without much information, and do not show any great ideas you have.
Most of the guys who offend people in the workplace actually have a heart that is not shocking and longs for awesome. If you don't try to prove yourself, you are a person with a good sense of proportion.
@Shuai Xiaofang: I am in a closed place with my leader or colleague, such as in an elevator or a car. I want to relieve the embarrassment through chat, but I don’t know what to say. Please help me with advice!
Bear Taihang: Weather, cats, dogs, and children are all very good topics. The 24 solar terms were used for farming in ancient times, but now they are used for chatting. In addition, the 39th, 30th, 30th, Double Eleven, 618th, and Chinese Valentine's Day... Weather is the best topic. You can talk about local weather, and you can talk about the heat in Chongqing and the refreshing in Inner Mongolia. You can talk about the weather in other colleagues, express your envy and sympathy, and bring the distance closer. The key is that we still have several seasons, and we can talk about different things in each season. What a magical creature!
@Zhengquguo: I want to take the civil service exam, how can I practice until I am not afraid of interviews?
Xiong Taihang: Japanese anti-straight reform movement activist Sakamoto Ryuma has a trick, which is, if you are very afraid of someone, you secretly imagine how the other party looks when he is intimate with his wife, and you are not afraid at that time. This is a quick way to desensitize, you can try it. Remember not to be happy.
@Wutong Skylark: Xiong Da Hello, at work and even when communicating with new friends in the face to face, they prefer text communication rather than video language dialogue (the latter will have inexplicable tension). Does it stem from psychological disconfidence?
Xiong Taihang: Someone has similar problems. Taiwanese scholar Yin Haiguang has a serious phone phobia, and it is okay to write to people. After making a phone call in this life, I almost died. Being nervous means not being unconfident, but when you feel that you are not good enough or right enough, it is not confident. If you can tell the other person bluntly: "It's not convenient for me to have a video here, let's send a message to say "It's right." That's right.
communication at work, sometimes the text will be better because it can be archived. The phone is suitable for talking about things that don't want to stay. You can say, "Let's talk about it, so that I can organize my memos in the future."
@Bu Er: Want to know how to cure the phobia of vision?
Xiong Taihang: Some people do have serious fear of eye contact. I was like this in the early years. I couldn't help but look at him and put him behind him. This was very troublesome and was easily considered a particularly arrogant and arrogant feeling.
A particularly severe social fear is a type of anxiety disorder. For example, if you feel panic, sweating, and can’t work, then go to a mental hospital to check the level of anxiety. If you feel uncomfortable or afraid, but can restrain yourself and avoid breaking up, then you are not a disease, at best you are a shy person.Shy people always feel that their life is to take judges and teachers at any time and anywhere. If someone gives him a score, it will become over-attention to himself, especially nervous, his mind is blank, and his attention will not be on talking to the other person. There are also solutions for
, and it is better to find a psychological counselor to help you with desensitization training. If your city is small and you can't find a consultant, then find a children's training institution, where the eloquence hosting teacher can also help you train your eyes and attention. If you don't want to spend money, you can do it yourself. first get a poster, celebrities can do anything, try to look at the eyes of the person above, and after looking at each other, find a video and look at the person on the video. Then I would like to share my eyes with familiar people, and this is not difficult. Finally, I went to say hello to the stranger. There are blind date parks everywhere, most of them are the elderly, holding signs of their children's situation. If you go in the past, someone will talk to you, and you can also ask about their children's situation. There are all methods for
. The difficulty is that you must have a strong will. I have explained the method, but many people have to be escorted before they can go out. This is the key reason why they cannot improve.
Team Building Social Guide
@Mentt Eggshell: Introverted personality, I always feel shy and inconspicuous when building a team. I become the forgotten one in the corner, but I don’t know how to attract attention. What should I do?
Xiong Taihang: It doesn’t necessarily need to be dazzling. Introverts can be careful and can take care of others. For example, if you buy a box of mineral water and send a bottle of each person, you can impress everyone.
Confucius said that clever words make people look very kind. We acknowledge that the kindness of people who are not good at expressing themselves is sincere. Try not to steal the limelight, but take the initiative to release goodwill.
@Sulphur23: There is a kind of social object called "brothers". Putting aside those childhood friends, classmates, and comrades-in-arms, I found that I had almost no brothers. Will there still be such brotherly emotions after entering the workplace? What is the most important factor in forming a brother?
Xiong Taihang: The name "brother" means that the intimacy value is inflated, including "ferromagnetic", "iron buddy", etc. I always think that the word "friend" is very good, and it is already very rare for a person to have a few friends. Anyway, there are no brothers in the workplace. If you take the initiative to call you brothers, it is probably going to trick you.
@The Paper netizen niIrqe: How can I refuse to drink with high emotional intelligence at the table? It's really hard for people who can't drink it.
Xiong Taihang: What kind of wine table? Your leader wants you to drink, which is completely different from the fool’s wine colleagues who want you to drink. Class reunions and official banquets are also different. What needs to reject the wine table is not high emotional intelligence, but high resilience. If you have a firm will, you don’t need to drink at all. Ask yourself, will you lose your job if you don’t drink it? Will it not improve if you don’t drink it? If you don't know anything, then don't drink it.
@Want the moon to come to me: Hello, Teacher Xiong, do you think there are tricks for socializing upwards? Every time I socialize with people who are better than me, I will unconsciously become humble and I will not be able to become friends with them.
Xiong Taihang: You can't become friends with them. It may not be because your attitude has become humble, but because you cannot be friends. It is easier and more comfortable to make friends with people of equal strength.
If you make friends, you will be spiritual without sincerity, and you will not be able to open your mind.
The circle of friends a person often visits is about 30 or 50. No matter how large the scale is, it will be very hard to maintain. If a person with a prominent position and wealth is far higher than you, if you want to develop a new friend like you, you may need to maintain an old friend less. Moreover, the other party also needs to control risks. He has a lot of resources. Someone rushed up to make friends with him. He must be afraid that you will do whatever you want, or you will want to calculate something.
If you want to be the other person’s friend, you must naturally show your value, which may be diligence, fun, or useful. may not be able to make this friend until you can show such strength. You can get to know each other and save it first. If you become awesome in a few years, he will make friends with you.
"Imperfect Relationship", written by Xiong Taihang, published by Enterprise Management Publishing House in August 2022.
Editor in charge: Huang Yazhu
Proofreading: Luan Meng
