The last dance, Gao Yanjinzi appeared in the electric wheelchair . Her right leg was injured in July and before she could have time to undergo surgery, she usually relies on an alloy crutch to move. At this moment, the leg was tightly wrapped from above the knee to the ankle with a protective bracket to help her barely stand, but she could not bend.
Even so, she had to finish the dance because it was not an ordinary performance, but a reluctant farewell. When the dance ended, she and her friends from Beijing Modern Dance Troupe were leaving the rehearsal venue under her feet that she had lived in for 8 years. They rented a cheap warehouse in a more remote place to store items such as clothing, props, etc. in the group, including dozens of iron framed plastic chairs. Gao Yanjinzi said that these chairs were found in the first theater of the dance troupe. They were the audiences of the dance troupe and could not be lost.
htmlOn September 3, Gao Yanjinko danced her last dance in a wheelchair at the special performance of "Walking Clouds: For Tomorrow's Party". Photography/Reporter of this magazine Xu Pengyuan
Melodious cello music rises gently, like a soft cry. Gao Yanjinzi danced around the venue for a while, looking around every extremely familiar corner, and the past scenes seemed to be replayed in her eyes. There was no smile on her face, no sadness, calm and solemn.
She also held a balloon made of a large blue garbage bag in her hand. The balloon filled with hydrogen floated, like a pure sky, and moved with her movement, like a cloud that was tightly accompanied by. The name of this farewell is called "Walking Clouds", which is an obvious metaphor: from now on, they will all become wandering dancers. In this regard, Gao Yanjinzi has a more romantic statement: "There is the stage where there is light."
has been dancing on the edge of the cliff
In fact, Gao Yanjinzi has also cried. "I cry every day, I can't help it. This house is our home and our mother. We seem to have given up on it. Although we really don't have the ability to take it, you will feel that it still has sound and life at this moment."
In the original plan, Gao Yanjinko and her dancers should be busy with the year-round tour. However, due to the epidemic, these tours have been stranded one after another. As a private art group, performance box office has always been the main source of economic income for Beijing Modern Dance Troupe. Without performances means no income. Even if the rehearsal costs that are invested in advance are ignored, the necessary daily expenses cannot be underestimated.
World Dance Day , which was originally scheduled to perform at the Jixiang Grand Theater in Beijing, has also been cancelled and changed to online live broadcast. This work was born in 2006 and was carefully created by Gao Yanjinzi at the invitation of the Venetian Art Biennale. It interprets the fifth generation of reincarnation of a newly married woman's soul in the form of flowers, birds, fish, insects and grass. Over the years, it has become a classic work of Beijing Modern Dance Troupe and has received applause and praise in many countries and regions. Three hours before the broadcast of
, Gao Yanjinzi convened all members of the dance troupe to hold a meeting. She could no longer support herself and had to reveal her real dilemma to everyone: the dance troupe had owed several months of rent, the venue could not be renewed, and the salary for next month was gone, and the remaining funds were only enough to cover all actors' social security for 4 months. A difficult multiple-choice question was placed in front of everyone: Should the dance troupe continue to exist?
However, this is not the first time the dance troupe has faced this problem. At the end of 2009, the dance troupe was still in Fangjia Hutong and was also struggling in the quagmire of owing rent. The then leader Zhang Changcheng called Gao Yanjinzi and said that he was exhausted and did not want to continue doing it, so he planned to turn off the dance troupe.
Gao Yanjinzi understood Zhang Changcheng: "The dance troupe has never made a penny, but he has made a lot of money by himself. He is not a dancer, and the dance troupe's sense of accomplishment in dance has nothing to do with him. Moreover, when the economy is in a tight position, the actors will also have resentment, and you will feel more wronged."But she couldn't bear to leave the dance troupe. At the age of 19, she graduated from the first director department of Beijing Dance Academy Modern Dance major. She danced here. The people in the troupe came and went, changing one after another, only she never left. In her heart, the dance troupe is no longer a simple work unit. Every inch of it is warmed by itself. It is a temple for itself and dance art.
As a dancer in the troupe, Gao Yanjinzi has experienced it all the way. The hardships of coming. When the dance troupe was founded in 1995, although it was affiliated with the Beijing Song and Dance Troupe , it had no financial support and life was tight. When performing abroad, in order to save money, 2/3 of their suitcases were used to store instant noodles. Occasionally supplemented with nutrition, and just went to McDonald's . After 1999, the dance troupe registered independently, and there was no place that could be used together, so he could only find a way out. In her words, "The dance troupe has been dancing on the edge of the cliff, and has never stopped facing the wind and rain. "
So, she took over the burden of the group leader, and she wanted to use her own strength to hold the fate of the dance troupe. She described her state at that time as "letting out of the house with nothing", and even the floor glue was used to offset the rent. Except for the debt of more than one million yuan, the group did not leave more things for the successor. In the next five years, the dance troupe was in a wandering state, and no one knew where to gather the next day. Gao Yanjinzi called every day to find a place, a friend's lobby in a certain space. , the gym has all been their rehearsal halls. At the most difficult time, the dance troupe plunged into the mountainous areas of Guizhou, dancing in the forest, in the mountain stream, and on the pebbles flowing through the stream. It seems to be returning to nature, but in fact it is desperate.
It is under such conditions that Gao Yanjinzi and her dancers created two important works, "October·Spring Festival" and " Twenty-Four Solars·Twelve Sounds of Flowers ". They not only break through Cao Cheng on the artistic level During his time as artistic director, the dance troupe established a small theater and experimental style, and on the economic level, it received the funding of the first National Art Fund . This money was like a rain after a long drought. It helped them pay off their foreign debts in one go, and finally paid a rent, and settled their feet and settled their homes in an art district outside the Fifth Ring Road in Beijing.
July 1, 2018 On the evening of the 1st, the dance drama "Twenty-Four Solars·Twelve Voices Between Flowers" directed by Gao Yanjinzi was staged in Toronto, Canada. Photo/Chinanews
Like a shell
The first winter when he arrived at the new group site, Gao Yanjinzi met a puppy. "I don't know where the dog came from, so I followed me for two hours. I held it and asked everyone, not knowing who the owner was. It was too cold and I was afraid that it would freeze to death, so I had to take it back to the group and later took it to get a vaccination. The doctor refused to give it a shot, saying that it was less than a hundred days and it was too young. "From then on, this dog became their group pet. During the interview, it kept wandering and sitting next to it, not making noise or making noise. Gao Yanjinzi said that it stopped barking for a long time, as if it knew that the dance troupe was going to move, and was afraid that it would be abandoned.
In order not to abandon every member of the dance troupe, Gao Yanjinzi made many efforts. Since April, she started a live broadcast on Douyin , and every Wednesday and Friday nights, fans with zero foundation demonstrated how to open their bodies at home. On Saturdays She also specially guides the elderly and children to participate in the dance of the whole family; with the encouragement and help of Fan Deng and Zhou Guoping's wife Guo Hong, she began to try to do online courses, and for the first time she made the name of "Dancing with Jinzi".
For so many years, Gao Yanjinzi has always regarded the name of Beijing Modern Dance Troupe as her prefix, and never thought of treating herself as an endorsement. "I have an obstacle in my heart, afraid that everyone thinks that I am doing this group for myself. I am a practitioner and I retreat. "Even now, she still often questioned herself. Has she been doing art for half her life just to sell classes?
However, the response given by the facts is extremely direct.The average course fee of each class is as low as 30 yuan and as high as 60 yuan. Although it is a drop in the bucket and cannot completely bring the dance troupe ashore, the income of a small amount of money at least makes the actors get a basic salary of about 2,300 yuan when they are on the verge of a salary cut.
Since taking over the position of artistic director Jin Xing and Cao Chengyuan left behind, Gao Yanjinzi has been constantly going against her original intentions. She once established two ideas: one is not to have a group, and the other is not to build a dance system, because these are obstacles to life freedom and are contrary to the spirit and pursuit of modern dance. It’s just that the protective layer of self is always fragile under the sting of reality. "It's all at the bottom line, and if you retreat, there will be no one." Gao Yanjinzi said. So, later she could only support this dance troupe.
"In theory, dance is so free. I can dance anywhere, why are you so dedicated?" In fact, Gao Yanjinzi has asked herself this more than once. For nearly thirty years, she also saw people coming and going in the dance troupe, and everyone leaving each bloomed with gorgeous flowers of art. "I can think of this at my best age, and I didn't have the strength of my own at that time."
But she never left after all, like a shell, growing generations of new actors from sand to pearls. Of course, this comes from the responsibility formed by an unspeakable emotion, but it is by no means a one-way consumption. Gao Yanjinzi later figured it out that when she held the dance troupe, the dance troupe also held her. "The work I want to complete is not a group of beautiful actors, but a person with life. The actors who practice in the Beijing Modern Dance Troupe carry the "Tao Te Ching" every day, dancing according to the life energy that I think dancers should replenish. Only in this group - even if the actors are flowing - can I complete my work."
This opportunity for mutual achievement may be God's will from the beginning. Gao Yanjinzi said that when the dance troupe was first registered with the Civil Affairs Bureau, he was a legal person. "Because non-profit group registration must meet the conditions for Beijing's household registration and professional identity (conditions), the whole group is back and forth, and I am the only one who meets it."
born to be a person who dances modern dance
earlier will was written at the beginning of Gao Yanjinzi's life.
She has liked to dance casually since she was a child, dancing with a gauze towel, dancing with a dusted broom, and dancing with a sweat-wiping towel. Everything in the house was regarded as part of the dance by her. The mother who was dancing ethnic dance in Guizhou Provincial Song and Dance Troupe saw that her daughter likes dancing so much, so she took her to Youth Palace and prepared to teach her herself.
But Gao Yanjinzi was not happy to learn. She found that the dance she taught by her mother always had a movement for a long time and could not be adjusted at will. She asked her mother why this dance was so ugly and why there was no connection between each movement. Her mother told her that if she wanted to dance, these were necessary. Finally one day, Gao Yanjinzi found the problem and said to her mother: "The dance I dance is qi. When one qi flows, it is free. The dance you dance is like." The mother was shocked, and a child could say such things.
In terms of feeling and understanding of dance, Gao Yanjinzi showed a uniqueness that was different from ordinary people early on. Gong Linna , who was also studying in the same Youth Palace Art Troupe, also remembers the uniqueness of this dance class girl. She once wrote in a blog: "In my memory, Jinzi has been very exaggerated since she was a child, has a strong desire to express herself, and has not danced in a group."
At that time, her mother would often tell her the story of Duncan. She did not understand the historical significance of Duncan, nor did she know what modern dance is. She only knew that the dance described by this person was what she liked: "We never ask why the tides are rising, never ask why the wind passes, and never ask why the sea is rhythmic, because it is the law of nature, and this is dance." Gao Yanjinzi said: "I think I am born to be a person who dances modern dance.”
In the growth of dance, her mother gave Gao Yanjinzi the most guidance, the greatest help and the most open support. But for a long time, she still felt that her mother was pressing herself like a mountain: "She is my teacher, she is my director, and she habitually becomes a judge. "
Until 2004, in the work "Awakening" for the Berlin Art Festival, Gao Yanjinzi invited her mother to cooperate. "(During rehearsal) We were quarreling every day, and she finally became my actor. She was unbalanced. I was not as mature as I am today, and I have a way to communicate with the actors. But when I came up with this work all over the world, she suddenly said to me, 'You surpassed me'. "Gao Yanjinzi said that this sentence gave her a great sense of recognition. She felt that the spiritual umbilical cord between herself and her mother was truly disconnected at this moment. "Only by breaking the umbilical cord can we know each other. In this work, she realized my independence and we gained the inner connection that we recognized each other. "
The recognition of mother is also meaningful on another level. During rehearsal, almost every dancer asks what it means to dance like this, and Gao Yanjinzi will explain it to her one by one. In the face of modern dance, a professional dancer cannot fully understand it, let alone ordinary audiences who have not been trained in art. The abstract physical expression of breaking away from the program is not only the basis and feature of modern dance, but also inadvertently erecting a barrier that is difficult to open between dancers and viewers. To a certain extent, the niche caused by this obstacle is an important reason why many groups, including Beijing Modern Dance Troupe, are frequently in trouble.
Gao Yanjinzi admits the existence of this barrier. "Why is it difficult to survive? Because we are not repeatedly explaining the sectors that society already understands, or talking about a topic that everyone wants to know. We are the art of awareness. "But she does not believe that the responsibility to break the barrier should be put on the dancers. "Artists are not social survivors who are eager for quick success and instant benefits. I can turn this into online teaching, but my works do not need to cater to anyone." There must be someone who is willing to feel it with ease. As long as he is willing to feel it, he will definitely feel it. In this world we don’t understand a lot, but we only know a limited amount. If we use understanding to cover art, our more open awareness will be erased. "
The failed manager
As a dancer, Gao Yanjinzi has always been full of confidence, just like her usual posture when she talks - her head slightly sideways and her chin is slightly raised. As a dancer, Gao Yanjinzi has always been brave. At the age of 23, she entered marriage and gave birth to a child; at the age of 34, She ended her first marriage, remarried four years later, and gave birth to a second child. Everyone, including her mother, could not understand her choice. For a woman who builds art through body language, having too early and too late is an obstacle to career development, and it may even destroy the artistic life full of infinite possibilities. But Gao Yanjinzi has her own confidence: "Dance itself should dance in life. I don't want to be a flash in the pan, so I can't deform my life because of dancing. I hope to experience what people should have like a normal person, and I yearn for the fireworks of the world. "For this reason, when she was eight months pregnant, she still stood on the stage. She reappeared after a month of caesarean section, dancing while enduring the pain of the knife.
The only sense of inconfidence and frustration only exists in the role of the dance troupe manager. "I have no operational ability, no business thinking, no sense of planning, no sense of logic, cannot do big things, and cannot take on responsibilities. In this regard, everyone says that I have no choice but to fail or make mistakes, but I am indeed incompetent. "As soon as she said that, Gao Yanjinzi's tears suddenly broke through.
She had tried to force herself to get out of the utopia of art and go to the secular world to maintain relationships, find resources, and win over investment, but she was really not good at it. She gave up after one or two unsuccessful public relations. She felt that continuing was just a waste of life energy.More importantly, she always believes that her value is in dance: "If I don't stand in front and lead everyone to dance, their bodies will not change. I will use my body to warm them into a dancer."
Since taking over the dance troupe in 2009, the salary of dance troupe actors has basically remained at around 6,000 yuan, and the one who stayed for the longest was only 8,000 yuan. As for the cost of living in Beijing, it is not considered a luxury in any case. These young children come for their dreams, but often face torture from reality. After helping Gao Yanjinzi with classes these days, Guo Hong realized that some actors had to shuttle through the streets when they had a dance troupe, relying on delivering food to supplement their income, and some actors shared the rent with others, and they lived in the smallest room. No one can say exactly whether such a state of survival over time will make them doubt the pursuit of art.
Once, a dancer answered a phone call during the rehearsal break, and then sat on the ground and started crying. The phone call was called by the dancer's mother. She asked the child: "How long will you have to dance? If I get into the operating room due to a heart attack, can you pay me the surgery fee?" So Gao Yanjinzi is most afraid of the time when the actors are on holiday every Spring Festival: "You spent a year to teach them the "Tao Te Ching", and it will change after 20 days of holiday. You can tell the actors the reason why he continues to dance, but you can't tell his family."
She cried to Cui Jian , and whenever an actor leaves the dance troupe, he will blame himself. "The biggest pain is that I taught him, but I can't give him a better state where he can continue to dance in the 'miao'. It's not that dancing outside is not good, but I know that he will change when he goes out for a while. He must not be a believer's dancing state."
Gao Yanjinzi has always hoped to have a better manager and even a better artistic director, so that she can take off all her duties, concentrate on being an actor, or leave steadily. But she knew it was impossible. She could not convince someone who was both talented and capable, valued the pricelessness of art, and could also allow the dance troupe to better meet society because she couldn't afford it. Everything is like the answer to a difficult question, trapped in the loop algorithm, and has not been solved for a long time.
The dance of the farewell performance is approaching the end of the dance, Gao Yanjinzi hugged and entangled the only six remaining dancers in the dance troupe. It was a strong image of warming each other, and perhaps it was also regarded as a preview in Gao Yanjinzi's heart - she didn't know how long she and these six children could be with each other. At the group meeting five months ago, a dancer had taken the lead in proclaiming that he would not leave, but a month later, he still waved his goodbye arm reluctantly.
A cement wall in the rehearsal hall suddenly dropped, and Gao Yanjinzi said that it was the tears she wanted to shed from the wall. Soon, water mist began to spew out from the ceiling, and the entire hall seemed to be shrouded in heavy rain. At about the same time, the sky outside the window suddenly turned cloudy, and traces of raindrops gradually fell on the glass.
posted in 2022.9.19 issue of the 1061 issue of " China News Weekly " magazine
magazine title: Gao Yanjinzi: Wandering again
Reporter: Xu Pengyuan
