When parents want to control and hold on to their children, the children will try to get out of their parents' control, whether they rebel from home on the spot, or grow up obediently before finding ways to stay away from their parents.
A friend in the circle of friends often posts some photos of children. In each photo, the child is trying different new things, sometimes dancing, sometimes drawing, sometimes learning piano... Although there are many things to try, every time I chat with this friend, I found that none of her children can learn in the end. She said that her child is very disobedient and is unwilling to learn anything.
Parents like this are everywhere in today's society. In order to prevent their children from losing at the starting line, they apply for early education from a few months to kindergarten. After going to kindergarten, they are filled with dance, piano, art and other courses every weekend. As parents, they are afraid that their children will lose to others and are afraid of falling behind others, because once they lose or fall behind, their children will not be able to survive well when they grow up. It was not until recently that I saw a book from the book "Human Trojan Program" by Taiwanese writer Li Xinpin that I realized that such parents are actually trapped in the Trojan Program caused by anxiety that "children will not live well."
Li Xinpin is a well-known talented woman. Her personal habit is to classify and collect the words, advertisements, movie dialogues and lyrics that usually attract her into her own collection, and record all her usual inspirations. After several years, she became her own private intelligence bureau.
"Human Trojan Program" is a masterpiece that Li Xinpin has accumulated and brewed for five years, and every sentence hits people's hearts. The book tells us that the Trojan programs hidden in our minds have characteristics such as lack of confidence, perfection/control, negative emotions, contradictions, deviation after being built-in, and pursuit of illusory and unreal goals; Trojan programs are divided into four types: self- and interpersonal relationship Trojan programs, Trojan programs for emotions, Trojan programs for talents, dreams, Trojan programs for money, and Trojan programs for physical and mental illnesses, and explains what each Trojan program is and the related solutions.
After reading this book, what impressed me the most was this Trojan program about parents and children.
01 Break the Trojan program and do more meaningful things
There is an Indian movie " starting line ", which tells a mother who is afraid of her child losing at the starting line. She tries every means to send her child to a noble school. She believes that the child cannot study public school like them, because she can't learn anything in public schools. When others communicate in English, she will be afraid of communicating with others because of her poor English, which leads to being isolated. But when the mother paid the price of time, money, and even hurting others, the child eventually returned to public schools to study.
In real life, there are many parents like this. Most parents are anxious and worried that their children will "lose at the starting line, and will be looked down upon in the future and will not be able to survive well in this society." This kind of fear of falling behind is a Trojan program. Many parents' Trojan programs have been transformed into forcing their children to be obedient in nagging, threatening and intimidating.
is actually a kind of "fear of the unknown", because the unknown is unforeseeable and uncontrollable. Since it is unforeseeable, why do we have to foresee the result that it will be "backward"? We must have the courage to face the fear brought by fear and then change it. Don’t be like parents at the starting line, wasting time and money and still returning to the starting point. It’s better to use this time and money to do something meaningful, such as doing things that children like with them.
02 Release control and be controlled Trojan program, live the life you want
video "Do you often can't control your children? There is a scene in 》: The child was sitting on his mother's lap and was doing well. Once the mother hugged him tightly and refused to let him move, he began to cry, wanting to break free and escape from his mother.
When parents want to control and hold on to their children, the children will try to get out of their parents' control, whether they rebel from home on the spot, or grow up obediently before finding ways to stay away from their parents.
When a friend of mine talks to me, there will often be a sentence "My parents don't let...".She has been working for three years, and her health is getting worse and worse due to the high work pressure, so she wants to leave and change jobs. But her parents always disagreed, and finally she happily told me on the phone that her parents agreed to her resignation. After a while, I asked her about her recent situation and she did not resign. Although her parents agreed on the phone, they took the bus to the city where she worked to find her in order to dissuade her from resigning in person.
Some time ago, this friend asked me to chat with me again. It turned out that she was diagnosed with mild depression. She asked me to chat with me, hoping that I would give some suggestions on the series of things that happened to her. At that time, I hadn't read the book "Human Trojan Program". When I learned about Trojan Program, I would suggest her: "You have to start over and imagine that the next life is what you really want to live. From now on, no one will interfere with you or give you opinions. You have the final say, whether you want to leave the job."
03 No more complaining, be the person with love in your heart
Babies often fall when they just learned to walk. Some parents will rush over to help their children up and act as a gesture to hit the floor, and blame the floor for causing the children to fall. Over time, the children walk better and better. When they occasionally fall, those children who have not walked well since childhood but their parents blame the floor for their own efforts and will punch the floor by themselves. Looking in the long run, these children will keep walking in the complaint module of making mistakes and “blaming others and blaming the external environment”.
complaining is also a common emotion in life. During peak hours of work, we often encounter traffic jams. Many times, traffic accidents are caused by traffic accidents, which lead to the occupation of lanes and unpassable traffic. The reason for some traffic accidents is that two drivers compete with each other. When the traffic police handle the accident, they all have their own opinions and complain about each other.
If we have a compassionate heart, can we avoid traffic accidents caused by robbing the road? Then there will be no such traffic jams. The same is true for complaints in life. If we reflect on ourselves through other people's behavior, then our lives will move further because of their appearance. To get out of "complaint", you can use the "AAA three steps", namely recognition, gratitude, and permission, and adjust the frequency to courage, hope optimism, love and respect, so that resources will not be repulsed by complaining energy.
Conclusion
"Life is like a maze, you can only move forward, you can't stop where you are." So are children, growing up day by day. It is said that children are a mirror for parents. If parents are full of fear, habitual control and complaining, then children will eventually become people who are used to fear, habitual control and complaining. Therefore, as parents or children, learning to interpret these Trojan programs will deepen the parent-child relationship, and parents and children will also be full of love and live the life they want to live.
The book "Human Trojan Program" has such magic, allowing us to understand whether we have self-interpersonal relationships, feelings, talents, dreams, money and Trojan programs that cause physical and mental illness. After understanding it, it does not allow us to completely eliminate our Trojan programs, but after realizing that there are Trojan programs that are affecting ourselves, we can abort and relieve this dream at any time, or play with ease from the perspective of a "player".
She has been working for three years, and her health is getting worse and worse due to the high work pressure, so she wants to leave and change jobs. But her parents always disagreed, and finally she happily told me on the phone that her parents agreed to her resignation. After a while, I asked her about her recent situation and she did not resign. Although her parents agreed on the phone, they took the bus to the city where she worked to find her in order to dissuade her from resigning in person.Some time ago, this friend asked me to chat with me again. It turned out that she was diagnosed with mild depression. She asked me to chat with me, hoping that I would give some suggestions on the series of things that happened to her. At that time, I hadn't read the book "Human Trojan Program". When I learned about Trojan Program, I would suggest her: "You have to start over and imagine that the next life is what you really want to live. From now on, no one will interfere with you or give you opinions. You have the final say, whether you want to leave the job."
03 No more complaining, be the person with love in your heart
Babies often fall when they just learned to walk. Some parents will rush over to help their children up and act as a gesture to hit the floor, and blame the floor for causing the children to fall. Over time, the children walk better and better. When they occasionally fall, those children who have not walked well since childhood but their parents blame the floor for their own efforts and will punch the floor by themselves. Looking in the long run, these children will keep walking in the complaint module of making mistakes and “blaming others and blaming the external environment”.
complaining is also a common emotion in life. During peak hours of work, we often encounter traffic jams. Many times, traffic accidents are caused by traffic accidents, which lead to the occupation of lanes and unpassable traffic. The reason for some traffic accidents is that two drivers compete with each other. When the traffic police handle the accident, they all have their own opinions and complain about each other.
If we have a compassionate heart, can we avoid traffic accidents caused by robbing the road? Then there will be no such traffic jams. The same is true for complaints in life. If we reflect on ourselves through other people's behavior, then our lives will move further because of their appearance. To get out of "complaint", you can use the "AAA three steps", namely recognition, gratitude, and permission, and adjust the frequency to courage, hope optimism, love and respect, so that resources will not be repulsed by complaining energy.
Conclusion
"Life is like a maze, you can only move forward, you can't stop where you are." So are children, growing up day by day. It is said that children are a mirror for parents. If parents are full of fear, habitual control and complaining, then children will eventually become people who are used to fear, habitual control and complaining. Therefore, as parents or children, learning to interpret these Trojan programs will deepen the parent-child relationship, and parents and children will also be full of love and live the life they want to live.
The book "Human Trojan Program" has such magic, allowing us to understand whether we have self-interpersonal relationships, feelings, talents, dreams, money and Trojan programs that cause physical and mental illness. After understanding it, it does not allow us to completely eliminate our Trojan programs, but after realizing that there are Trojan programs that are affecting ourselves, we can abort and relieve this dream at any time, or play with ease from the perspective of a "player".
