Planning and writing / Chris, Koko
Edit / KY Creators
"Some people are old at 18 and young at 90...
Time is a concept that humans created."
-Yoko Ono
Someone is working hard to live a "punctual life".
Reading, working, getting married, having children... I hope that every turning point in my life can follow the social clock, accurately step on the nodes, without having to bear the pressure of not meeting social expectations.
However, the social clock may not be suitable for everyone.
Two days ago, we launched a small survey on "social clock" on . A total of 651 valid questionnaires were collected, of which 76.0% were women, 22.4% were men, and 0.4% were others, and 0.9% were inconvenient to disclose. In terms of age distribution, the most ages 25 to 34 years old are 60.7%, followed by 24 years old and under, accounting for 35.4%.
* The data samples used in the text are from the KY fan group. If you use this data to infer the situation of other groups, deviations may occur.
Results show that among respondents aged 24 and under, 43.2% of those who feel "very anxious" or "anxious" are "very anxious" or "anxious"; while among respondents aged 35 and over, this proportion is 35%. This may be because young people have relatively few financial capabilities or other resources they have, and have higher levels of anxiety about not being in line with the social clock.
When asked which aspect of social clock is the most unreasonable, up to 60.6% of the respondents of chose "marriage" (65% of women chose this item); secondly, 15.1% of the respondents chose "fertility" (16% of women chose this item).
For young women, the social clock disciplines them to "get married when it's time to get married" and "don't miss the best childbirth age". Such a seemingly "stable" life picture may actually limit their potential and development as unique individuals.
Today's article, we interviewed some women who say "no" to the social clock -
They bravely use their choices to break the age limit, maintain an open and young mindset, continue to explore possibilities, and helm their lives.
Let’s take a look at their stories together.
such as If you choose, you may regret it anyway
It is better to choose the
, female, 24 years old
I have had good academic performance since I was a child, have a strong personality, and are always the best student in the class. At the age of 15, I was admitted to the best high school in the district. However, in my second year of high school, I was under too much pressure to study and I was diagnosed with depression .
The doctor advised me to take a break from school, but I felt that I worked hard to study just for the college entrance examination. How could I become a deserter at this time? I was afraid of regret, so I chose to stick to school. But even if you take medicine, the depression still doesn't improve. One day I couldn't eat anything, so my mother kept holding me and crying, and I felt an unprecedented relief.
So I threw away the textbook and I stopped studying.
When my classmates were all working hard to prepare for the college entrance examination, my mother and I went to Yunnan. A friend of hers opened an inn in Yunnan. I just helped do some work within my ability in the store. In the small inn, I met all kinds of people. I was educated since childhood that "scores are everything". I have never thought that life is so diverse - not everyone lives a step-by-step life, not everyone is happy because of excellence, and not everyone succeeds in the college entrance examination.
There is a young lady who works in wedding planning and was once a depressed patient.She said that she used to pursue the "correctness" that everyone expected, but later she realized that only by doing what they like can people feel truly alive. After
, I transferred to my junior high school entrance examination and still failed to get into my ideal school, so I was transferred to Sports University . After half a year of ideological struggle, I once again "countered the social clock" in my freshman year and dropped out of school and returned to the college entrance examination.
When I got the admission notice for medical school , I finally understood what the young lady said. The meaning of living is that you should never be afraid of regretting yourself, because no matter what choice you make, you may regret it, but we can always grow in the process. Therefore, we should be brave enough to choose what we really like, because in the end, no one except ourselves needs to bear the consequences of our lives.
protect s persisted
No matter what direction it is
No matter what direction it is
alin, female, 31 years old
In the year of her sophomore year, my father diagnosed cancer, the company he ran went bankrupt, and after clearing his debts, he had to treat his father the rest of the money.
I was a major in physics and planned to study for a doctorate in the UK. After graduation, I was doing scientific research. My mother suddenly told me that I could not pay the tuition. My mother called me crying and asked me to take the domestic college entrance examination again. But when he returned to China, his father passed away and his life was beaten up in a mess. I had no intention of continuing to study and found a job that didn't require an education.
My life trajectory has changed.
In those years, I experienced the most extreme things from luxury to frugality. I learned to work hard in society, worked as a waiter and salesperson, and tried the nail art and beauty industries, imitating my mother dealing with uncles and aunts who are twenty or thirty years older than me. Sometimes, I feel really wronged, especially when I see the dynamics of my former classmates studying, I often feel that the library is a word that has been too long for me.
At that time, my mother told me, "As long as people work hard, they can shine no matter which road they are on. Now they are just changing directions." I no longer compare with my former classmates and began to work hard to explore all ways to make money. Although my social clock has long deviated from my peers, it turns out that as long as I don’t give up and keep motivating myself, youngness is always full of hope.
Now, I and my mother have bought back the home I once sold with the money I earned and have a job that can be called a career. My starting point is very low, and the process of finding a way is very bumpy, but it was this experience that opened up my understanding. Thank you for being myself, and doing your best to live.
Age fear
In fact, it is a kind of self-limitation
xx, female, 26 years old
When the class reunion in high school ten years, many classmates got married, and the family always urged them to get married. To be honest, I want to fall in love, but I really don’t have anyone I like.
At that time, I had a job in Shenzhen that everyone envied, but only I knew that I was squeezed out by my work and had no personal time. After thinking for a long time, I decided to quit.
I originally wanted to take a break for a while, but suddenly I had the idea of continuing to study. Since I had this idea and began to prepare for research and application and take the TOEFL, my life has gradually gained a new sense of direction.
During this process, I was also very self-doubted. Especially when consulting institutions for overseas and language training, the other applicants were all junior and senior students. Only I am a workplace veteran who has worked for many years...
However, when I went abroad, I found that except for Chinese students, foreign graduate students are all about the same age as me! After everyone worked, they saved up a certain amount of savings before starting to study for graduate school. I followed my mentor to participate in the African Children's Psychological Intervention Project of United Nations . In the huge cultural collision, I felt a sense of mission and self-worth, as well as a life motivation that I had not experienced for a long time.
Finally, about love - I met my current boyfriend during my internship. We like each other, appreciate each other, and decided unanimously not to consider marriage for the time being. I am no longer obsessed with the inevitable relationship between age and marriage, and I am more courageous inside. As long as I want, I can enjoy love young and freely forever.
birth The most difficult part of life
is to break the inertia of life
未分类
Miya, female, 34 years old
I divorced when I was 32 years old and lived a life of one person again.
My parents are very strong in my marriage. My marriage with my ex-husband was to give them an explanation from the beginning. I want to get a divorce, but after making this decision, I was full of obstacles I was about to face and could not think of how to achieve this goal.
Then I realized that what I want to restart may not only be my marriage life, but also my mode of dealing with people.
I found a good friend to seek support, learn to face difficulties and care for myself. After more than two years of hard work, I finally got divorced. After the divorce, I did not live with my parents, but rented a house alone, and truly lived a completely different life from the past.
In my opinion, it is more difficult to start over in my thirties than when I was young. Because people in their thirties have inertia in thinking and behavior, inertia pushes us to continue our previous patterns, making it particularly difficult to break. But at the same time it also means that once it is broken, it will be a complete transformation. Starting again at the age of thirty is actually to shape a new self, a more real self.
chasing When you don't have time
Why stop and rest
? Female, 27 years old
Before everyone was talking about the Internet 996, in fact, this is also divided into positions. Some positions are not 996, but "926". When I fainted on the subway for the second time, I was really scared. What should I do if I didn’t faint or died suddenly the next time?
At that time, my body had actually given me countless warnings. I always stubbornly say to myself, "I can" until one day, I decided to show weakness and tell myself that I'm not ashamed of saying "I'm tired."
When my peers struggled and worked overtime later than the other, I decided to quit my job and go home to "super retirement". Under the supervision of parents, I drink Chinese medicine every day to condition it, usually grow flowers and take a walk, reduce the time to use my eyes, and force myself to adjust my daily routine. My daily routine has become monotonous but peaceful.
After the time slowed down, there was no longer the chaotic and panic that had been going on all day, and there was a serious time difference and generation gap with my friends. When others stay up late to drink, I was already asleep. When everyone recommended milk tea to visit each other, I was learning health guidelines.
Some people say I am depressed, while others think it is boring to be like this at a young age. I just feel that everyone has the right to choose their lifestyle and pace of life, and I don’t want to pay attention to the body in order to catch up with time.The future is long, some people run, and some people choose to walk slowly.
KY Author said:
A basic feature of human survival is that it needs to belong to a social group. Acceptance from groups ensures greater security and resources, while rejection from groups increases the risk of danger and existential threats. Therefore, as an adaptation strategy, our brains have evolved the ability to compare with other group members to protect us from being “left behind” (Harris, 2007).
However, on the one hand, the social clock is narrow. Although research has shown that following the social clock helps improve people's self-confidence and self-esteem because we will not feel anxiety and stress that does not meet social expectations, , these self-confidences are based on the "achievements" obtained, rather than a person's true "self-worth".
On the other hand, the social clock is not actually fixed. It is constructed by different cultures and will also change with different generations. According to statistics, in 1960, the median marriage age of American women was 20.3 years old, and in 2018 it was 27.8 years old. When people's marriage age generally grows older, it in turn affects what people think of as "normal" marriage age.
Everyone has the potential to deviate from the social clock at some point in their life (Neugarten, 1976). All kinds of unexpected life events may lead to a person "off the clock".
"Off the clock" does not mean failure, because there is never the so-called "right or wrong time" in life;
"On the clock" does not necessarily mean happiness, and many people who follow the social clock also have their own life problems.
person only lives once, why be framed in a standard template?
Grandma Moses Only at the age of eighty did the art exhibition. In her time zone, everything was in time.
