article｜Lemon Orange Mom
Tang Yan praised her husband Luo Jin in the "Ace Vs Ace" program, with a happy and sweet expression on her face, which made people very enviable.
Tang Yan is a very secure person. She frankly said that the sense of security first comes from herself and secondly from the family, and her family will always be her strong backing.
When asked how many points Luo Jin can play after becoming a novice father. Tang Yan did not directly give the score, but felt that he did a good job, and used a detail to prove how good Luo Jin is.
Tang Yan was weak after giving birth. She could only lie down and could not move anything. Luo Jin alone took care of the child. Because he was a novice father, Luo Jin stayed up all night holding the baby two days before the start.
When the child was crying, the two people had big eyes to the small eyes. I don't know why. Luo Jin was the first to react. If the child's diaper was wet, he quickly opened it.
Since having a child, Luo Jin will go home to look after the child as long as he has time to rest. Even though I was tired from work, I gave up the chance to get enough sleep and started playing with my baby.
Seeing this description, I really feel that Luo Jin is a good husband and a good father. In our traditional cognition, Dad is usually the shopkeeper. Luo Jin's performance can be described as a clear stream among his father.
When the wife gave birth to the baby, the performance of the fathers was always unsatisfactory. Hearing that the child was crying, I ran quickly. For my own cleanness, I ran to another room to sleep at night. It makes people feel that they have no feelings for their children.
They do not dislike children, and when they are happy, they also go to tease them. But when the child cries, they will be at a loss and start to feel disgusted. The impression that dads leave on people is that it’s the children’s business, and it’s not about oneself.
Why do newbie dads like to stay out of things?
In terms of blood,The relationship between parents and children is equal. Each person contributes a chromosome, but the father does not enter the role as fast as the mother, and the child cannot quickly establish a relationship.
When a child is a small life, he has a physical connection with his mother. The child stays in the mother's stomach for 40 weeks. In this intimate contact time, the father is incomparable.
When a child is a fetus, it is not in a peaceful state, but is able to interact with the mother. In about 3 months, my mother can deeply feel the vitality of the little life. When eating, listening to music, taking a bath, and sleeping, he is particularly noticeable. Dad can't perceive this kind of real experience.
When the child was born, the mother worked hard and endured the severe pain, finally let him come into this world, that kind of memory is unforgettable, because it is hard to come by, so Cherish it extraordinarily. Dad just saw the process, but couldn't feel the pain.
After a child is born, it is the mother's job to take breast milk. When holding the child's soft body and feeling the child's hard sucking, the sweet feeling comes out spontaneously, and father is only greedy.
For the above reasons, mothers will get in touch with their children soon, and fathers need to spend many days with the children before they can experience this beauty. Therefore, don't blame Dad for his "relentlessness" at will, and give him more time.
Dad is the most important social support system
Although Dad is slow to enter the role, he must adjust as soon as possible, because Dad is the most important social support system.
The social support system is the support that a person can give when living in this world. Including material, psychological, information and other support.
On psychology , experts believe that the social system that can give mothers the most psychological support,It’s dad . The basic units of a family are father, mother and children.
Psychologist Adler believes that the mother is the child's most important and first connection, and what the child's father has to do is to support and help the mother unconditionally.
Now more and more articles are discussing the importance of father. He is not only the pillar of the family economy, but also the pillar of the psychological level. The role of dad must have a sense of presence in the family.
Let dad bear the responsibility of parenting. You can do this.
Why is the same dad? In addition to the father’s own personality, it also has something to do with the mothers’ practices. Let dad take care of the child, you can do so.
Let dads start with simple things
Dads are generally not as careful as their mothers, but they can be cultivated. Regardless of the industry, the best performers are often men. It's not that they don't know how to do it, but that they didn't train and practice.
When a child is young, making milk powder and changing diapers are very simple things, and you can do it with a little learning. After the child grows up, playing with toys, playing house, and exercising with the child are also things that dad is good at.
Dad starts with simple and good things, and he can do more for his children, and the connection with his children is getting closer and closer.
Talk to dad
The more moms complain to dad, the farther the dad is from the child. It is better to change a strategy, change the way of dialogue, so that the father is willing to participate in accompanying the children.
Moms often talk to dad like this,You don’t know how to take care of the children. Whoever takes care of the children. The implication is to dislike Dad for not doing a good job. Dad doesn't know what to do besides being guilty.
It's better to get straight to the point and tell your father "you go to make milk for your child", "you go to play toys with your child" and "you go to exercise with your child". With clear instructions, they will know what to do.
Delegate power to dad
Dads are too lazy to do it. Another reason is that mothers are too diligent and don’t trust Dad, worrying that Dad’s taking care of their children will mess things up. There are so many things for the child, the mother has done it, and the father will naturally not do it.
Those fathers who are too lazy to do it are all mothers or old people who have raised him into giant babies. There is a noun in psychology that is " giant baby psychology ". The psychology is like a baby, always dependent on others and unwilling to take responsibility.
Mothers must learn to delegate power and give fathers some opportunities to express themselves and take action. For example, when a child is crying, leave it to his father to solve it so that he can learn how to deal with the child's unreasonable trouble.
After seeing Tang Yan's praise of Luo Jin, I suddenly remembered so much. A father who is busy with filming and has the burden of idols is very valuable to do so well. While blessing Tang Yan, there is hope that more such good fathers will appear.
.I am @柠檬橙妈妈 , the mother of two children, dedicated to cultivating sunny and active children, welcome to follow me and move forward together on the road of parenting.
