Author: Lan Xi (Columnist of Fushu) There was a hot search on Weibo: Parents who oppose raising money and giving gifts to teachers were forced to leave the group. This happened in a parent group of a school in Liuzhou. This group was specially established by the Parent Committee.

Author: Lan Xi (Columnist of Fushu)

There was a hot search on Weibo : Parents opposed to raising money and giving gifts to teachers and were forced to leave the group.

This incident happened in a school parent group of Liuzhou . This group was specially established by the Parents Committee. Every Teacher's Day, the Parents Committee mobilizes parents to donate money to buy gifts for teachers, and is famous for saying: "Respect teachers and respect the way."

Last year it was a water cup worth more than 300 yuan, and this year it was a Lancome gift box. The Parent-General requires each parent to share the funds equally and collect them uniformly by the finance department. As soon as the message

was sent, a "rebellious" parent said that he would not participate.

Her uniqueness soon attracted dissatisfaction from other parents, and she criticized her and even kicked her out of the group chat.

Afterwards, the parent said:

" Raising money to buy gifts for teachers is obviously contrary to the original intention of the Parent-General, and alienates this parent organization that originally had the responsibility of supervising schools and teachers into a 'broker' who colludes with interests, harms the interests of parents and students, distorts the relationship between parents and schools, and is more likely to lay the groundwork for teachers' corruption." After

, the Liuzhou Education Bureau publicly responded that the Parent-General should take the initiative to resist the unhealthy trend of treating guests and giving gifts. At the same time, if parents find that someone gives gifts to teachers in various names and destroys the relationship between parents and schools, they can report it to the Education Bureau.

So, I especially admire this parent, who has a clear understanding, does not follow the crowd and dares to refuse.

In life, everyone will encounter things they don’t agree with or want to do. When many people face such things, it is difficult for them to not say it out loud in order to show their sociableness or for the sake of face.

so, I have to go against my heart, do things I don’t want to do, meet people I don’t want to meet, and consume my time and energy.

In fact, learning to refuse is the attitude that adults should have.

I don’t know how to refuse, but I suffer from pain

Someone once said: "My misfortune lies in my lack of ability to refuse."

A person who doesn’t know how to refuse will indeed bring a lot of trouble to himself, and even put himself in pain.

In the variety show " Send 100 Girls Home ", Li Xueqin revealed that because she didn't know how to refuse, her life fell into chaos and her heart was tormented and painful.

It turns out that after she became popular, many people came to work with her. Because they didn't know how to refuse, they agreed to whatever others said, so they took on many inexplicable jobs.

Because she received too much work, she had no time to do her own thing, which was very painful.

In life, there are many people who don’t know how to refuse like Li Xueqin, and in the end they fall into pain or guilt.

In "Super Fun Ski Conference", Xie Keyin is like this. When forming a team, because you don’t know how to reject others, you will say whoever comes to find you first will team up with whom you will. So Wang Yanlin found her first, and she agreed directly.

Yu Shuxin arrived, but she failed to form a team with her and looked disappointed. Xie Keyin felt very guilty when he saw Yu Shuxin's appearance. Because she didn't know how to refuse, she missed the opportunity to team up with herself again.

Sanmao said: "If your reasons are legitimate, don't be afraid to reject others. When a person asks, he has prepared two answers in his heart, so giving him any answer is expected."

Don't be afraid of rejecting anymore. Rejecting is not as difficult as you imagine, and there are no consequences that you can't bear. If you dare not refuse, it will cause you endless trouble and even put yourself in pain.

Moreover, if you accept it blindly, others will think you are easy to control and easily become a passive party, and you will not even get the respect of the other party.

In addition, people who do not know how to refuse will not only lower their value in the eyes of others, but also lead to lack of time and energy to do their own things, which is not worth the loss. If you do not do well in the process of helping others, it will also make people dislike you.

When doing things, you must have your own attitude. If you should say no from time to time, don’t let hesitation block your way.

Don't let the tag effect kidnap yourself

New media author Xing Nuan said a case:

Her colleague Na sister , very kind-hearted, everyone praised her for being helpful.

It was a cold day, and my colleague was unwilling to go downstairs to get takeaway, so she brought it up one by one. When a colleague needs help at work, she always agrees at once, and sometimes even gives up her work and gets busy with her colleagues first.

also rushed to pay for the meal. Even if others didn't transfer the money to her, they wouldn't say anything.

One time, Sister Na went to Japan for a trip, and her colleagues asked her to help bring goods. Looking at the list that exceeded expectations, but she did not refuse.

When I returned to China, I was fined by the customs for too many things, but even so, my colleagues still didn't appreciate it. Some people think that the price is more expensive than purchasing agents, while others wipe out the fractions.

Once, Sister Na finally couldn't help complaining to Xingnuan: "Why do I treat everyone well and give so much, but everyone still doesn't like me?

colleagues who joined the company later than me were all promoted and raised their salary, and I remained unmoved. I am so tired, why can't I get everyone's recognition?"

Why did I work hard but still be looked down upon and not recognized?

Because she didn't know how to refuse, she was labeled as capable and helpful by her colleagues, and she followed the label. Behaviors like

are psychologically called: tag effect. It means that when a person is labeled with a certain label, he will regulate himself and make his behavior consistent with this label.

As psychologists say, once a person is labeled with a certain label, he will become the person marked by the label.

However, such behavior will not bring substantial benefits to oneself, nor will it be taken seriously, except for receiving a word of praise from others. Because you don’t value yourself, others won’t.

On the contrary, in the eyes of others, you are the most dispensable person because you don’t know how to refuse and will not refuse. So if you have something to do, you will ask you for help and leave you aside if you have nothing to do. For them, there will be no loss at all.

Just like Bi Shumin said: " You gave up your precious time, but were exploited by those who use your kindness. For them, what you do is not worth mentioning. "

So, don't always give without hesitation and please others, and make yourself excellent and valuable. This is the fundamental reason for truly gaining attention and recognition.

Learn to reject is the attitude that adults should have

Cornell University in the United States once conducted a survey.

found that people who don’t know how to refuse and please others everywhere did not establish good interpersonal relationships with others, but were despised by others.

Decisively reject it when it is time to refuse. This is the attitude that adults should have and the best way to do things. Then how to reject others is the best?

1. Reject politely.

An American publisher, when publishing his first newspaper, his friend Nast, a famous comic master, carefully drew a cartoon for the newspaper. He hoped to use the comics to call on the tram companies to install insurance railings for each tram in case it accidentally hurts people.

can not draw the comics satisfactorily, and if published, it affects the quality of the newspaper. If you don’t publish it, you don’t know how to tell your friends that you can’t lose face. After thinking about it, the publisher decided to invite friends to dinner and handle the matter at the dinner party. At the dinner party, the publisher praised his friend's paintings as soon as he opened his mouth. Then he said to himself while drinking, "Alas, the tram in the city has hurt many children. These children are so pitiful.

And the person driving the tram is like a devil, staring with big round eyes, and is specifically looking for children playing on the street. Once they find it, they rush up like a madman..."

When the publisher said this, his friend immediately jumped up from the seat and shouted, "Oh my God, how did you think of such an excellent creativity? Please throw the works sent to you directly into the trash can! "

publisher did not make the truth straight to the point, but instead let his friends understand through a tactful way that there are better ideas than his previous comics, so that he could automatically give up the bad comics.

For things that are not easy to directly refuse, or use other methods to replace them, they will not let the other party lose face, and sometimes they can achieve a win-win situation. And if they refuse politely, they will not It will leave an inhuman impression.

2. Find reasons.

rejection sometimes makes it difficult to say, especially when facing relatives and friends. But for things that do not meet your requirements or violate the principles, you still have to refuse.

Otherwise, it is likely that the whole thing will be bad because of your indecision. , and even affect your relationship.

For example, if someone asks you to borrow money, you can say to him: I'm so sorry, I don't have money, I can't help you even if I want to help.

Someone asks you to help with the work, you can say: I'm so sorry, I don't know when my job will be finished, I can't help you.

When rejecting others, many people will think Sorry, or worry that after rejecting others, others will show themselves the face.

So, when refusing, wait for the other party to finish speaking, and then find a reason to refuse, so that it will not hurt the other party, nor will it leave a bad impression on people. And there is a reason for your rejection, and others are embarrassed to say anything else.

helping others is affection, not helping is the duty. Don't care too much about what others think of yourself, then don't It will be difficult to say about rejection.

3. Stick to yourself.

Many people always agree to other people's requests for the sake of face, or to show that they are sociable and have a good person.

When there is the first time, there is a second time, and it is even harder to refuse later.

so, We must stick to ourselves, have principles and bottom lines, and don’t just follow what others say. For those who don’t want to do and don’t want to be invisible, say No when they should say No.

American psychology professor Manuel J. Smith has been studying the guilt after rejection for many years. He said: As long as you deal with people, there will be conflicts.

If you cannot stand firm strongly when facing others , make a decisive decision, and the other party is likely to threaten you and use this to manipulate you to act in their way.

This shows that only when a person dares to refuse and has his own principles can others not bother you in everything.

And a survey pointed out: A person who knows how to refuse will reduce unnecessary troubles by more than 90%, and at the same time reduces his own waste of time and energy.

Everyone’s time is precious, and spending it on the edge is the most correct way to spend it on the blade. Don’t waste your time for unnecessary people and things.

Someone said: “A good person is a poison, which not only makes you addicted, but also makes the other party constantly addicted to your request.

Until everyone becomes enemies in the end, this kind of interpersonal relationship with strong toxicity will end. "

Be a good person, don't be vague about what you should refuse.

Because, know how to refuse, behave and have an attitude, others will take you seriously. If you don't refuse anyone, you can do anything, and you will be nothing.

people, sometimes you should be "cold" and don't "talk to everyone if you have something to do".

Because we don't have to think about others everywhere, but should think more about ourselves. We should not let unnecessary people and irrelevant things consume ourselves.

instead of spending time and energy on important things and adding value to oneself, because " Our lives do not exist because of please others. "

Author profile: Lan Xi, the author of Fushu, a post-90s who are companionship with books and associate with words htm , the book "Good Life" is being sold hot. This article: Fu Shu Life Library , the copyright of this article belongs to Fu Shu. Reprinting without authorization is not allowed. Infringement will be pursued. Note: The pictures of this article are from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please contact us to delete