When it comes to the "first generation male god" in the minds of the people, many people will think of one person at the same time, that is, Fei Xiang , which was once popular.
Although the word "Fei Xiang" is quite unfamiliar to many people nowadays, this name is still beating in the hearts of a generation.
Nowadays, Fei Xiang is 62 years old. This sexy man in China in the past has a beard and still has a strong figure without any greasiness, while his eyes that can discharge electricity are still charming.
He lives in London alone with two cats and is still unmarried. His life is dull and free.
What kind of charm does this man have? He once dominated an era, making men rush to imitate and women want to marry?
actually answer lies in his "perfect lover" characteristics.
Fei Xiang, why is it a template for women's "perfect lover"?
Someone has summarized that there are four main standards for women for "perfect lover": Both talent and appearance, calm and mature, affectionate and considerate, tasteful and interesting.
and Fei Xiang on the screen almost completely matched.
When I was young, Fei Xiang had delicate facial features and charming temperament, just like the prince charming who walked out of a book. In today's words, it is "walking hormone" .
Not only that, he is also a top student in the Department of Medicine at Stanford University, and transferred to the Department of Drama the next year.
He was a professional student and had outstanding acting skills, and his unique singing voice made his first album "Land" become popular quickly and became famous in Taiwan, China.
Then Fei Xiang was soon invited by CCTV Spring Festival Gala. With his free and unrestrained disco and seductive singing, he became popular all over the country overnight.
has outstanding appearance and full of talent. This alone is enough to satisfy the fantasies of many women.
and Fei Xiang also has a thinking ability and decisive ability beyond ordinary people.
When his career was in full swing, he did not linger in a sensual life. Instead, he decisively withdrew from the Chinese music scene and went to Broadway, USA to study musicals.
He has his own dream and hopes to integrate Eastern culture into Western musicals to promote Chinese culture.
This long-term vision and calm mind make people feel favored and admired.
Such a shining man also has the firmness and affection that is rare in the world when it comes to love.
He once fell in love with Hong Kong star Sally Yeh . The two have similar ambitions and friendship. Fei Xiang takes good care of Sally Yeh and confesses generously in interviews many times that the person he loves is Sally Yeh.
You should know that for the popular male stars, it is very rare to actively disclose their relationship, and Fei Xiang's determination has also received extensive blessings.
And this relationship is favored by everyone, but it was broken up by Fei Xiang's mother. She doesn't like Sally Ye and firmly opposes it.
After the effort was fruitless, the two broke up in the end, and Fei Xiang also said that they might not get married in this life.
As expected, he is still single.
Although she also admitted that she had other emotional experiences, Fei Xiang was indeed deeply affectionate with Sally Yeh.
And this kind of affection is something that almost every woman desires.
all say that liking someone starts with appearance, loyalty to talent, and falling into character.
Fei Xiang paid attention to charity. In 1999, he was the first star to embrace patients. He adopted a disabled giant panda and would also support education in poor mountainous areas with part of the concert income. During the Wenchuan earthquake, he donated 800,000 yuan for post-disaster reconstruction.
A man full of love and responsibility has his own halo and makes people fall in love.
In addition, in the pursuit of life, Fei Xiang has both Western freedom and Eastern romance, and his quality of life is very high. Even if he is over 60 years old, he is still an interesting handsome man. Fei Xiang like
is simply a template for "perfect lover", but what is even more heartbreaking is that in life, we often can't get it, but we can't let it go...
"perfect lover"
Whether it is Fei Xiang in the past or some actors and artists today, it seems that every era will create a group of "public lovers", which carry the beautiful fantasies of countless people.
People need a "perfect lover". From a psychological point of view, it is actually a pursuit of "idealized parents" and a psychological compensation for the shortcomings of reality.
When we were a child, we lived with our parents. We often thought that our parents could do everything and made sure that we were also strong and safe by feeling that we were part of our parents.
But we soon discovered that parents are not perfect, and they may even bring trauma and shadow to ourselves.
In severe pain and disappointment, we began to pursue the "idealized parental image" in our fantasy, which is the prototype of the "perfect lover".
combined with the four characteristics of "perfect lover", it also happens to be ideal.
During the growth process, we have been pursuing such a person, hoping to see the shadow of "idealized parents" in him.
This person may be a teacher, a brother or sister, and more of his own companion.
But specific people always have various flaws and problems, and we always cannot avoid losing again and again.
However, for idols across the screen, this "idealization" can last longer. As long as there is no "collapse of the house", all kinds of fantasies and beauty can continue to stir up on them, which is very in line with our needs.
In other words, we build a "perfect object" ourselves and use it to obtain the comfort of childhood lack in order to complete self-nourishment.
In the real life of fragmented children, "perfect lover" can also be used as a psychological compensation.
A visitor in his 30s complained to the consultant that her husband was not as perfect as he was in love.
His husband was originally the object of the "idealized parents" chosen by the visitor.
graduated from a key university. He is tall and handsome, gentle and easy-going. When he is in love, he will also prepare small surprises for her and pay attention to the sense of ritual.
These make visitors immersed in love full of attachment and fantasy for it.
It’s a pity that my life after marriage can easily break this filter.
After being together for a long time, the other party began to be ungrateful and sloppy, and always threw clothes and socks around; career promotion is always not the turn, and money is not earned much; surprises become less, and the value of companionship and emotionality given is sharply reduced.
So during repeated quarrels, the visitor gradually withdrew his interest and enthusiasm for his husband, instead devoted himself to all kinds of young and handsome guys, and was addicted to the TV series to hit CP, and began to have a cold war with his husband , and the relationship between husband and wife was close to freezing point.
Because in the "perfect lover", she can find the missing part of her real partner, and obtain a wonderful emotional experience through fantasy, and compensate herself psychologically.
Little did they know that it was this fantasy that it was very likely that she had missed the true "perfect lover".
Perhaps, the real "perfect lover" is around
Although "perfect lover" can become a spiritual sustenance to some extent, if it is confused with reality, it may cause some trouble.
For example, in the case mentioned above, the client's obsession with "perfect lover" led to a relationship crisis between her and her husband.
In her mind, her husband should always be handsome and charming, have the ability to pick the moon and stars for her, take her to live an ideal life, and spoil her like a daughter, providing unconditional love and emotional value.
The reality is that after marriage, my husband works hard and socializes hard for a better life. It is difficult for her to have the energy to keep a high attention to her, and the time she spends companionship is indeed much worse than before.
When you go home every day, you just want to fall asleep and let yourself go, and no longer care about your image.
Unfortunately, the client only lives in his strong demand for a "perfect lover". He must not only continue to endure the pain of reality tearing fantasy, but also cannot truly see his close lover.
Behind the inability to see the sloppy image of my husband is the high-intensity work pressure;
Behind the inability to see the inability to be promoted, there is also unwillingness and loss;
Behind the inability to see the taciturn husband, there is actually a depression that has nowhere to tell;
She didn't even realize that the changes her husband's after marriage were actually because of his high sense of responsibility for his family and his deep love for her.
And the two people in this marriage are both frustrated and lacking, love cannot flow, and their relationship is becoming increasingly rigid.
In relationships, there are two small suggestions to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
The first is to keep reflecting on one's own needs. may have the shadow of a "perfect lover" for needs similar to "needs A and B", so be vigilant and examine it.
is like a visitor, which requires both the husband to accompany him and make money. This is difficult for most ordinary people to take into account both.
Once such a thought arises, what we need to do is to identify its "fantasy" attributes in time, which is a very important step.
The second is to enhance the "sense of reality". Real people and specific people are imperfect. We must learn to accept this imperfection first, so that we can see the true and complete other person and burst out with real and powerful love.
When the last consultation was held, the visitor was able to understand the hard work and difficulty of his husband, and learned to enjoy his time alone, spend his idol chasing time making a delicious meal for his husband, or help him wash and iron the suit and clean the room in an orderly manner.
And my husband felt the changes in the visitors, talked more and loved to joke, and tried his best to squeeze out time to accompany his wife to do housework and celebrate the anniversary, and he became more and more motivated to work.
The relationship between husband and wife quickly warms up.
Everyone is born to be persistent in "perfection", which is nothing wrong.
But in real life, perfection is only the illusion in our hearts. The closer you are to illusion, the further you are to true happiness.
famous Russian writer Dostoevsky once said: Love concrete people, don’t love abstract people.
Specific people are troublesome, imperfect, and unlovely, but only in this way can we feel the true rather than the false love.
When two imperfect people are tolerant, grow, sublimate each other, make each other better people together, perhaps this is the best definition of "perfect lover", isn't it?
Planning | Yutian
Edit | Liuji
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