"We try to see the "easy mistakes" about unhappy marriage through this failed "test paper".
Douban 8.9 high score in divorce documentary observation reality show " Goodbye Love " season 1 allows the audience to examine failed marriages in a warm and healing atmosphere and reconstruct their confidence in love.
, and the second season only started two episodes, which made the audience and the observation team unable to help but frequently "inhaling oxygen", and it was suffocating. The reason is nothing: Zhang Wanting is so annoying. In the
program, Zhang Wanting's aggressive, improper and crazy output of Song Ningfeng shocked all members of the observation team: Hu Yanbin cried while "sucking oxygen". The always fierce Yi Lijing bluntly said, "You have to buy insurance before interviewing her, otherwise you will be angry to death." Even Sun Yi couldn't help asking, "Did she save Song Ningfeng's life?" "Zhang Wanting is suffocating" quickly topped the hot search list on Weibo, and the number of views of related videos exceeded 100 million.
(Hot search related to Zhang Wanting)
How suffocating is Zhang Wanting?
When she was pregnant, she quarreled with her husband, stood by the window with her big belly and wanted to jump down, "I want to make him regret it for the rest of his life."
interrupted Song Ningfeng's speech seven times in a row, "Song Ningfeng is forbidden to speak"
bluntly "deprived Song Ningfeng of the right to speak"
Facing the truth that Song Ningfeng told in front of the bonfire, her response was: "I think you are very stupid sometimes."
"Your life is better. When you meet someone like me as your wife. But I've found a bottle of oil like you."
The above shocking speech that can be called "unprecedented and uncommon" in the reality show is just the tip of the iceberg. After watching the two episodes, Song Ningfeng has almost no room for speech. The problems in their marriage are all told by Zhang Wanting alone. To be precise, it was her own accusation.
Although the show is so annoying, what we need to do is not simply vent our anger or even commit online violence on the person involved's Weibo, but tries to see the "easy mistakes" about unhappy marriage through this failed "test paper".
"The price of flash marriage and pregnancy:
"It's always wonderful every minute at the beginning""
Zhang Wanting and Song Ningfeng's marriage has two keywords: One is indifference, the other is unfamiliarity.
(Zhang Wanting talks about flash marriage and pregnancy)
became pregnant less than a month after falling in love. In order to register the child, I was anxious to get the certificate. The consequence of flash marriage and flash pregnancy and the real version of "marriage first and then love" is: , when they didn't understand what kind of person the other party was, they already had children and had to bear the responsibility of the family.
(Zhang Wanting and Song Ningfeng)
Unlike love, marriage is the beginning of love that combines soul and flesh. Tea, rice, oil, salt, and trivialities of life must appear in marriage. Many lovers who are immersed in the grinding of their ears and under the moon will not be able to accept these trivialities when they first enter marriage.
quarrels during the running-in, and then dislikes the other person, feeling that the person you love will always be the person before marriage and the person when you first fell in love. After entering the sacred marriage hall, what you feel is not the double happiness, but the huge real sense of disappointment . Just like the song "Karen Mok" in , "It's always wonderful at the beginning, and everyone thinks that enthusiasm will never diminish."
It’s not that Zhang Wanting doesn’t understand the difference between marriage and love. Perhaps it is because she understands that entering the marital state so quickly may expose many problems that she chose to expose her temper, shortcomings and personality to Song Ningfeng during pregnancy.
(Speaking on Zhang Wanting's program)
But It is quite difficult to catch all the negative emotions of a person even in the closest relationship.
What the woman who has never been married wants is to expose and solve problems like a race against time with , "You have to know what I am angry about and what I am unreasonable, and you must also mature quickly."And Song Ningfeng, who had already experienced a marriage before meeting Zhang Wanting, did not quickly enter the "fighting state" that Zhang Wanting hoped for. Instead, he was shocked and even afraid of the huge contrast between the woman before and after marriage, before and after pregnancy, and retreated from fear.
(Speaking on Song Ningfeng's program)
In fact, should go through a running-in period from love to marriage. The price of flash marriage and flash pregnancy impulse is to face it against the relationship. The consequences of development laws.
This price is obviously much heavier for pregnant women Zhang Wanting. Her almost crazy behavior during pregnancy is really like the manifestation of prenatal anxiety.
(comment by netizens)
As netizens said, "The woman is about to give birth after she is eight or nine months pregnant, and this man is willing to get the marriage certificate . Normally, if she finds pregnant and is about to have a child together, she will quickly get the certificate. "
(commented by netizens)
When pregnant woman Zhang Wanting does not gain enough sense of security in love, the anxiety and anxiety of failing expectations are not taken seriously and relieved, which is also one of the reasons for her various extreme actions.
Perhaps paying attention to and solving her problems from a psychological and medical perspective is more practical and effective.
"Hysterical wife and husband who doesn't say a word:
Who is the victim?"
Almost every time the "sinner" Song Ningfeng is mentioned, Zhang Wanting will accuse him of his indifference. At the beginning, Song Ningfeng would say a few words, "Why don't I understand you?" Later, he wouldn't say a word again, just nodding his head blankly, his eyes dazed, as if he had been completely numb.
(Song Ningfeng, who is "will never say but stop")
But if Zhang Wanting does not get the fierce response she wants, she will immediately feel a strong sense of "displeasure", and she "hits the cotton with one punch" and thinks that the other party doesn't care about her. This will make her words and deeds, who are prone to emotional out of control, become more intense. She launches a further "attack" against Song Ningfeng, but in return, Song Ningfeng's consistent silence and ignorance, so that both sides fall into the shackles of struggling and painful love.
So, a strong, hysterical wife and a weak and silent husband appeared in front of the public. This happens to be a microcosm of many middle-aged couples, and many netizens even saw the shadow of their mother in Zhang Wanting.
"My mother is sometimes like her, with a strong desire to control her, constantly nagging, which is suffocating."
"I really don't know how my dad can tolerate my mom."
"My parents haven't divorced for so many years, which is quite amazing."
"hysteria", the English word "hysteria" comes from the Greek word "hystera", which means " uterus ". It is sufficient to show that the word has been directly related to women since its birth. For a long time, “hysteria” has been an exaggerated medical metaphor that describes the difficult and difficult-to-management aspects found in women. The creation of "crazy women" and "crazy women" is often seen in many literary works, which reminds people of a broken image of a woman who goes out of control and goes crazy in marriage and family relationships, forcing her husband to aphasia.
People sarcastically and dislike "crazy women", but few people ask: Why does a person who has a good job and can deal with outsiders become so crazy in a gender relationship? Who created the crazy woman?
Who are the victims of a hysterical wife and a husband who doesn't say a word?
In the classic work "Jane Eyre", when Jane Eyre is about to take a sworn marriage to Rochester , the appearance of Bertha, the "crazy woman" locked in the attic by Rochester, breaks the tranquility and beauty. Bertha is a manic, demonic madman in Rochester's mouth as Rochester. But it is obviously an unfair trial in absentia by taking all Bertha’s property (dowry) and her extremely indifferent and disrespectful husband Rochester.
("crazy woman" Bertha in "Jane Eyre")
Similarly, when we look at Zhang Wanting from the perspective of a crazy woman, we may have ignored the behavioral logic behind her. The sentence "You can't be too Zhang Wanting" seems to have nailed Zhang Wanting firmly on the pillar of shame. But is there another hidden truth behind such a collapse? If Song Ningfeng is really as gentle and fragile as shown in the show, why would Zhang Wanting say, "They are both powder kegs and blow up at a glance"?
(Zhang Wanting's evaluation of Song Ningfeng)
Judging from the content currently presented by the program, in the marriage answer sheet of the couple's failed, it is obvious that his wife Zhang Wanting has more "wrong questions". But perhaps as the program continues to be updated, we will find that Song Ningfeng also has various problems, and at least cannot and should not be finalized.
"Equal right to speak:
The lover is not a doctor, but the lover can be the antidote"
In an intimate relationship, Zhang Wanting's biggest problem is: she does not give the other party enough equal right to speak.
Calm down and listen to what the other party is saying. It doesn’t sound difficult, but this is exactly what many people can’t do.
(Sun Yi's evaluation of Zhang Wanting)
Under the crazy offensive of Zhang Wanting's storm output, Song Ningfeng obviously began to doubt his cognition: "It must be something I did wrong." "I am already bearing the price for my mistakes." This kind of emotional manipulation and manipulation are called "gas lamp effect" in psychology.
In fact, the gas lamp effect is not a unilateral imposition, but a relationship created by both parties. The operator of the gas lamp sows confusion and doubts, while the manipulated person does not hesitate to doubt his own cognition in order to allow the relationship to continue.
(Song Ningfeng crying while holding the child)
Whether it is a remarkable kidnapping or emotional catharsis, Zhang Wanting seems to be strong, but in fact she exposes her fragility to the fullest. The fragile nature of 's emotions is an involuntary inferiority complex.
As Professor Shen Yifei, a member of the observation group, pointed out: "A strong woman often lives in her heart a little match girl." Zhang Wanting's crazy words and deeds are enough to reflect that she must have experienced trauma at the spiritual level of , and being so persistent in Song Ningfeng's "positive care and love" is also a manifestation of lack of security in intimate relationships.
Song Ningfeng, who is 10 years older than Zhang Wanting, is not popular in the actors, but his emotional experience is rich enough. I fell in love with Zhou Xun . My ex-wife was a well-known actor Qixi who participated in " Sisters Riding the Wind and Waves " some time ago. Even the word "feng" in the name was changed specifically for Qixi.
Zhang Wanting took the initiative to pursue Song Ningfeng after learning that she had divorced. She became pregnant less than a month after falling in love. However, when Song Ningfeng married her, she didn't have a penny in her hand. When she proposed, she pieced together a "huge sum of money" to buy a valuable ring. In the end, the money took Zhang Wanting to pay off .
(Zhang Wanting talks about Song Ningfeng buying a proposal ring)
Even so, when Zhang Wanting talks about the scene of being proposed, she still couldn't help crying.
Does Zhang Wanting love Song Ningfeng? Of course love. But falling in love with is not love, because even if you hate it, you can still fall in love with it while still. The more she paid for Song Ningfeng, the more she wanted to get more from Song Ningfeng. She kept emphasizing that "I am the child I gave birth to for him", "He has to bear this price", and "I am ten years younger than him" "sacrificial love" has instead caused huge psychological pressure on the other party, and the intimate relationship was once again covered with shackles that were unable to break free.
She has her grievances and loss, but when she is too aggressive, she will be weaker if she is reasonable. Every time a knife stabs the other party is like slashing another knife on his own wound.
For Zhang Wanting, at least Song Ningfeng should be given equal voice. should not let your emotions vent your emotions occupy the entire speech field, squeeze out the space for the other half of the speech, and do not let the other party become an emotional garbage can without emotion.
We look forward to seeing more interpretations of the relationship between the two as the program continues to deepen.
Don’t let your lover become a resentful partner, don’t let your lover see you, turn your lover to see you.
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