Zheng Shuang was banned. On the third day when she was exposed to the surrogacy abandonment storm swept across the board, she had not even had time to shake out more "black material" of her ex-husband Zhang Heng 's "black material" to fight back. The State Administration of Radio, Film and Television directly cut off all the channels for her public voice.
I applauded Zheng Shuang in private.
is nothing more. In the past 10 years, I have hated Zheng Shuang’s undedication, disrespectfulness, and crazyness wrapped in the packaging of “true temperament”.
She is like a giant baby who has not grown up. She does things that harm others or are not good for themselves on almost all occasions, and is indulged and forgiven again and again.
Her efforts and gains are ironic compared to the efforts and gains of artists who act hard and work diligently.
It’s okay, when she challenges the moral bottom line and the public bottom line without bottom line, the punishment finally comes.
But today I wrote Zheng Shuang not to add to the point of being a bad person, and it wasn't even my turn to add to the point of being a bad person.
I just want to find out some value to me from the Zheng Shuang incident, which is also the most important thing to me - what kind of parent should I be to cultivate a person with a sound personality.
A sound personality may have different understandings.
In my definition, a sound personality requires clear self-awareness; a positive attitude towards life; self-confidence and self-love; good emotional processing ability and empathy; conscience and responsibility.
Frankly, as an adult, if I use the above "solid personality" to define myself, I often fail to meet the requirements.
I often feel depressed, collapsed, and at some point I can't see myself clearly.
But it is precisely because I know these negative things that face my energy consumption that I understand better the meaning of cultivating a sound personality to a person’s life.
After learning a lot of stories about Zheng Shuang getting along with her parents, I found that Zheng Shuang's tragedy started with being materialized by her parents.
objectification, it is easy to understand, it is to treat people as an object.
What does the existence of an item mean to us? it works.
This usefulness may be because it is actually used “helpful to me and can be used in daily life”, or it may be because it is psychologically “give me a sense of pleasure”. In short, the reason why this item exists in my life is to “benefit me”. Once it cannot be used for me one day and meet my needs, it can be sold on Xianyu.
But a person is not an object, and he exists as an independent individual from the moment he is born. He was brought by his parents, but from the moment he was separated from his mother's body, his existence was not transferred by his parents' will.
This sounds a bit false, I believe no one will say "I am objectifying the child".
Yes, "materialization" is always hidden, it looks like a masquerade girl, changing into different styles.
The most common thing is "You are the hope of your parents, and the dreams we have not realized depend on you", and it is accompanied by high-intensity control.
Zheng Shuang's mother once said in multiple interviews that she had always regretted not becoming an actor when she was young. Therefore, when Zheng Shuang was 5 years old, she planned the "way to be an actor" for her: learning dance, piano, flute, vocal music, performance... Even because Zheng Shuang failed to be admitted to the primary school affiliated to Beijing Dance Academy in the fifth grade, she let the young child go to Sichuan to learn dance alone.
Zheng Shuang's mother turned Zheng Shuang into her own accessory with her own actions.
She ignored the needs of that little heart at that time and only remembered one thing: "You want to help me realize my dream of becoming an actor."
In the "Long War between Zheng Shuang and Mother" produced by Tencent News "Guyu" in 2017, I saw this passage:
" On the eve of her departure, she brushed the shoes she wanted to wear the next day for her daughter. She was confused and put too much washing powder. With more foam, she accidentally lost the shoe belt. Zheng Shuang saw it and cried. Liu Yan knew that the shoelaces were just a cover and pretended not to know, "You may not cry like this if I die. How can a broken shoelace be done? ”
Seeing that his daughter's tears were not reassuring, he said, "Cry, I won't give it to you tomorrow." "Zheng Shuang was afraid that her mother wouldn't go to see her off, so she came to apologize again and pack up her things."
I was reading with my phone, as if I saw the poor child standing in front of me with tears in my eyes, really wanting to hug her.
Is Zheng Shuang interested in dance? Is it her dream to be an actress? No one asked her.
The years when he studied independently in Sichuan were also the most helpless years for Zheng Shuang. Until she appeared on variety shows in the past two years, she recalled her father that time and she couldn't help crying.
If you listen to me and do what I want, I will praise you. If you do well, I will give you a good face, otherwise it will be criticism, suppression, sarcasm, and complaints.
The heart of a child is the purest and most sensitive. Behind every time the praise is received for "doing well", "taking good exams" and "achieve goals", and "achieve goals", and behind the sentence "Mom and Dad love you so much, you are so awesome", the truth she sees is - "Only if I do it according to my parents' wishes, they will love me", "These loves are false, and may be pulled away at any time because of when I do not do it well."
Isn’t this the self-cultivation of an object?
Over time, the unworthy and low self-esteem personality of "not worthy of being loved, no one really loves me" appears.
In this way, how can we "confidence and love"? How can you learn to be kind and give people warmth?
A sentence that Dr. Gordon, an American psychologist who developed P.E.T Parent Effectiveness Training, said, " love, as it shows, " once deeply touched me.
Love you, what you love is what you are like, not because you read quickly, not because you score 100 points for each subject, not because you are kind to others, not because you are well-behaved and obedient.
You are obedient and naughty, I love you; you are taciturn, I love you; you are behind in your grades, I love you too.
Love you, not because you did anything, but because you are you.
Speaking of this, I remember a friend once said to me, saying, "Your existence is meaning, not because of what you do." Thank you for the warmth and strength he brought me!
So, let’s look back at the incident of Zheng Shuang’s surrogacy abandonment.
The two children on the other side of the ocean have no value to her, so they "can't beat them, I'm so annoying" and "just give up." It is already deeply rooted for their whole family to objectify a person.
Now Zheng Shuang has been banned, so celebrities can’t do it, and even internet celebrities can’t do it. Without income, Zheng Shuang, who cannot continue to achieve both "fame + money" for her parents, will she face the pressure her parents bring to her?
I sincerely pray for her.
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