Recently, some netizens posted photos of themselves meeting Wu Zhuolin. In the photo, Wu Zhuolin and her wife Andi were walking hand in hand on the street. Wu Zhuolin looked dark and thin, with a slightly haggard face.

Recently, some netizens posted photos of themselves meeting Wu Zhuolin . In the photo, Wu Zhuolin and her wife andi were walking hand in hand on the street. Wu Zhuolin looked dark and thin, and his face was slightly haggard.

Over the years, Wu Zhuolin has been in the turmoil of negative image:

was labeled as an "illegitimate daughter" when she was born. She has never been recognized by her father Jackie Chan , and her relationship with her mother has always been on thin ice.

This child who was loved too little had cut his wrists, lived on the streets, committed suicide...it seemed that he had never been favored by fate.

Such a situation makes people a little intolerable every time it is mentioned.

From this, we can also see:

Early trauma and lack of love will cause a person to enter an unconscious negative cycle mode and constantly repeat the experience of not being loved.

So, how do we get rid of the influence of lack of love and embark on the road of self-salvation?

Don’t let yourself slide into the fate of a negative cycle

Every one of us longs for love.

But if we fail to get the love we seek, the inner lack will breed pain, doubt and self-harm, and even lead to an irreversible abyss.

The movie "Train" tells such a story.

The heroine Che Qiongshan was born in an unfortunate family. Her parents did not run the factory well and owed huge loan sharks. Her parents ran away and her mother was caught by the creditor and was found dead in the train station the next day.

5-year-old Che Qiongshan was sent to an orphanage, where he spent a peaceful time and got married successfully as an adult.

But the good times did not last long. Soon, creditors came to the door and disrupted the restaurant that the couple had worked hard to run. The mother-in-law was also frightened and fell ill.

The husband filed for divorce.

After leaving, Che Qiongshan was not favored by fate. She was caught by her creditor and sold her meat to pay off the debt. She lived a humiliating life for a year and even miscarried a child.

Although Che Qiongshan later found his sister, this warmth did not save him from being bruised and bruised.

Once evil thoughts arise, they will never come back.

She began to take advantage of the opportunity of work to select young girls who, like her, had no fathers or mothers and were not paid attention to by society, approached and killed them, and lived under their identities from then on.

Although I have met kind people:

Those girls who trusted her deeply and shared secrets with her; the girl who knew nothing about her, but cared for her even more, wanted to marry her, and even learned the truth in the end, she still remained The man who wanted to save her.

But Che Qiongshan allowed herself to sink into the whirlpool of a negative cycle. She tried hard to get closer to warm things, but she no longer believed in anyone in her heart.

"I am not a human being, I am garbage. At that time, no one was willing to stand by my side."

In the end, when her lover discovered her true identity and collapsed and asked why, Cha Qiongshan replied like this.

A person who has accumulated too many negative emotional experiences in the past can easily repeat his negative fate pattern with trauma.

We cannot refuse our background, or even sudden misfortune, but falling into the emotions of self-pity and resentment, ignoring the love and warm feelings around us, cannot reverse the fate of not being loved.

The key to escape fate is hidden in another pattern.

Positive experience, let love shine into the heart

Corresponding to the negative cycle, it is positive experience.

You need the courage to take a step forward and try to experience some positive emotions. A little bit of love can change your destiny.

There is a famous Hawthorne's law in psychology, which refers to:

When we realize that we are being noticed and loved by others, we have the tendency to change our behavior, thereby making ourselves better and warmer.

The famous actress Hui Yinghong had a tragic childhood life.

's family was in decline, her brother was sold to study Peking Opera, and she followed her mother to seek a living outside.

html From the age of 13 to 11, she lived in the red light district of Hong Kong, begging on the streets, sleeping on the streets when she had no money, and suffered cold looks and ridicule. At an innocent age, he witnessed too much ugliness in human nature.

Recalling this period of life, Hui Yinghong used "miserable and happy" to describe it. In just a few words, no one can understand the bitterness in it.

Once, when the young Hui Yinghong was selling chewing gum on the dock, she met an American sailor who was eighteen or nineteen years old. He came back every day to patronize her business, but left in a hurry every time.

Until one day, the American sailor found Hui Yinghong. This time he did not leave in a hurry, but asked her how to say "I love you" in Chinese, and confessed his love to her in broken Cantonese.

He went to the battlefield in Vietnam and was never heard from again. This heartbeat and farewell became Hui Yinghong's eternal memory.

Later, Hui Yinghong entered the entertainment industry, worked as a star, and became famous; but she was scolded for taking large-scale photos and had no chance to act. She was depressed and wanted to commit suicide.

In the ups and downs of her life for decades, that "I love you" and that sailor were like a light in the darkness, illuminating her life; it also became an opportunity for her to redeem herself, and she became the actress she is now. .

She said: "I still remember the appearance of the American sailor, and I still want to see him again... If he comes back one day, I must talk to him again."

The beautiful love was fruitless, but this paragraph Emotion planted a seed of strength in Hui Yinghong, which grew into a towering tree and helped her withstand the cruel wind and rain in the long years.

In our lives, there is never a lack of opportunities for positive experiences.

I remember that my friend Xiaoyu was often looked down upon by others because of her poor family background. She had a period of extremely low self-esteem.

When she was in high school, she was initially afraid of being laughed at by her classmates for being poor. She did not dare to get close to her classmates and had no friends.

But in a physical education class, she accidentally fell while running fast and scraped her knee, which continued to bleed.

At this time, a female classmate immediately went over and knelt down to ask her how she was injured. She stayed with her until the school doctor made sure she was okay before leaving.

From this incident, she began to try to open up herself, began to enter other people's world, and show her true self. Because of her bravery, she also began to gain more and more friendships.

It is not only earth-shattering love or deep-rooted family affection that can heal our wounds.

A kind look, a small success, the comfort of a delicious meal, an intimate contact with nature... Remember these feelings, they are all positive experiences that can help us move towards the light.

The accumulation of positive experiences can reverse the fate of a negative cycle and help us obtain true happiness.

Accumulate positive experiences and reverse the fate script of love

Somehow, we all hold a good or bad fate script in our hands.

However, before we are aware of it, we are mostly controlled by it.

There is a line in "The Truman Show ":

"Have you ever had this feeling, as if you can't help yourself all your life."

Yes.

When we suffer all the frustration and pain in the world of love, we will feel an inexplicable "chain" and send ourselves into repeated negative patterns.

makes us mistakenly believe that that is our destiny.

is not the case.

If fate does not distribute a good destiny script, we can still choose our own script.

Instead of sinking into the negative mode, you might as well accumulate some positive experiences for yourself, which may just be able to shift the gears of changing your destiny.

. Be aware of subconscious "identification" and reduce negative expectations

Most of our internal relationship patterns are formed from role models in early years.

When we identify with the humiliation, abandonment and hurt we have suffered within, there is almost no way for us to know what we really want.

may also believe that that is our only experience, the only model that can work. This allows more negative experiences to come to life and satisfy the "negative expectations" previously set.

So, how do you stop a negative pattern that keeps recurring?

Awareness is the first step.

When you are aware of your subconscious "identity", you will not be easily controlled by it.

Secondly, you need to feel it.

Go deep into your body and within yourself and understand why it works over and over again.

In this way, you can withdraw from the negative mode and let the positive experience gradually come in.

. Remove the "protective wall" and express your true feelings

If you want to put more positive experiences into yourself, you have to remove the "protective wall" in your heart and open yourself up.

For example:

When you feel vulnerable, tell the other person frankly in the relationship: "I am afraid of being alone, and I need your company."

When you are full of grievances and the other person asks the reason, you can tell the whole story of the incident, and Feel free to vomit out the bitter water in your stomach.

Don’t be afraid that your openness will be disdainful by the other person. Your self-exposure just allows the other person to see your honesty and be more willing to open up to you.

As your relationship deepens, won’t you be able to feel more intimacy and love?

This kind of positive experience will give you a different feeling from the past, and will also give you more confidence to break old negative patterns.

. Continuously accumulate positive experiences and drive the positive energy of love

Writer He Lu wrote:

What is happiness? Happiness is an accumulation of love.

thinks so.

The energy of love needs to be accumulated in a positive way. The more positive experiences you accumulate, the more love you feel. How does

accumulate positive experience?

First, stay away from people who label yourself negatively.

Block out those information sources that deny you, criticize you, and insult you, so that your mind will have more space to carry positive experiences.

Second, take the initiative to get close to people who appreciate and love you.

There are always people in the world who see your beauty, love you like life, and love you like bones.

Take the initiative to get close to these people, they will bring you love, warmth and positive energy.

Third, practice loving yourself.

Spend 15 minutes every day to feel your body and emotions. Pay attention to any dynamics and take good care of them.

I believe that if you give yourself plenty of love, love from other places will come flooding in.

Teacher Defen said that love is the answer to everything.

I hope we can all experience more love and let love continue to grow.

* This article was co-created by the author and the Zhang Defen Space writing team. If you need to reprint, please contact us for authorization.

planning | KIWI

editing | Qiuqiu