Text丨Tuanma
The recently popular " Meng Hua Lu " continues to dominate the hot search list. From the amazing tea drama in the play, to the history and culture of the Song Dynasty, from independent and courageous female characters, to the current situation of women in real life, everything is full of topics and triggers discussion.
This seemingly "heroine" type of drama vividly portrays female characters with different personalities such as Gu Paner, Sun Sanniang, Song Yinzhang, etc., showing the image of women who dare to fight against injustice and seek independent consciousness.
These unconventional women may be patient and strong, or simply decisive, or talented, or witty, but their life experiences and "Beijing drift" process make people think: What kind of girls should we cultivate? What kind of person do we want our daughter to grow up to be?
As the heroine with an online IQ in the whole drama, Zhao Paner is characterized by being strong, confident, independent and decisive.
experienced the ups and downs of having her family confiscated and losing her citizenship when she was only 9 years old, but she was smart and had her own principles and bottom line. In order not to serve others with sex, she tried hard to hide her weakness, but instead learned to keep accounts and do business. After being lucky enough to be deported, she refused to be humble. With her efforts, she made the small Zhao's tea house "the best in Jiangnan" and carved out her own small world in the patriarchal society.
Even though she was living in Tokyo, the male boss Gu Qianfan promised her many times that he would give her all the help, but she still started a new business in the crowded Zouma Alley.
She said: "A woman needs to be self-reliant. Once she wants to rely on others, she has a weakness."
She said: "If you make a decision and leave, you will have no regrets. Wherever I am, there is an escape route behind me."
She also said : "Return kindness for kindness, repay resentment for resentment, don't remember the past, just follow your heart at the time."
Zhao Pan'er is not like Song Yinzhang who is not familiar with the world. He knows that it is better to ask for others than to ask for yourself. Once he makes up his mind, he will go on without hesitation. Because she is a businesswoman who "removed her citizenship and became a good person", only by self-acceptance can Zhao Pan'er clearly face her low social status and prepare various plans that are not beneficial to herself in advance, so as to gain a foothold in Tokyo.
But the advantages are also disadvantages. No matter what problems she faces, Paner always prefers to bear them and solve them by herself. She hopes that everything can be done without leaks or mistakes. Even if he encounters the dilemma of being blocked by the industry, he will not seek help from the male protagonist. Even when facing feelings, Pan'er is always calm and self-possessed, and even asked Sanniang to remind herself, "Remind me at any time that I must be sober, and I must not let him look down on me, and I must not look down on myself." "
Whenever I see Zhao Pan'er pretending to be strong, her is too strong, which is actually a manifestation of "low self-esteem" and "low security."
Children who are too strong always have extremely high demands and expectations for themselves. Once the expectations cannot be met, the huge gap and helplessness will be difficult for them to accept. Professor Xu Zhenlei, deputy director of the Psychology Department of Peking University Third Hospital, summed up many years of clinical experience and found that most of the children who were tired of studying, addicted to the Internet, self-injury, etc. were the ones who "should be strong" in elementary school Straight A student.
These "strong" children lack a sufficient sense of security and dare not show their imperfections. In fact, they are full of fear for every step in the future. They always live in trepidation, taking every step, and are not even willing to share their pain with their loved ones.
Only when children can truly feel their own value and parents can give their children enough confidence can they have a sense of security and self-esteem, and be brave enough to become people who can make mistakes, make mistakes, and dare to make mistakes.
Just as Gu Qianfan said to Pan'er: "I hope you can understand the principle that things that are too strong will break easily." We must allow the child to jump up and down, and also allow her to play wildly, allow her to run wantonly, and also allow her to She cried happily, daring to release herself wantonly and pursue what she loved.
Sun Sanniang is actually the most distressing character. In order to save enough capital for her husband's business, she changed from a weak woman to a female butcher, killing pigs and selling tea to shoulder the burden of the family; she worked hard to become a "chicken baby " and finally saved money for half a year. I sent my son to study and chased and hit me every day to make him study hard. Unexpectedly, in the end, my husband cheated on me and my son disowned his mother.
In despair, she lost the courage to live. At this time, she did not realize her own value. Her husband and son were everything to her, especially her son, who placed all her hopes on her, but it was difficult to give birth to a biological child. Son, but would rather choose a mistress to be a mother.
But Zhao Pan'er told Sun Sanniang: "Your name is Sun Sanniang, not just Fu Zifang's mother. You are a righteous and kind-hearted person, and you are good at making good fruits, good dishes, and good soups. The neighbors all know that you are virtuous, kind and charitable. "
Even if In the process of "Beijing drifting", Sun Sanniang gradually found her own value and found that her skills in making fruits and dishes were excellent. However, as Zhao Di put it clearly: "You always said that you forced Zifang to study in the past because of hope. He can also become a Jinshi and become an official, so that you can become the wife of Fengguanxiapei. But it depends on the son, doesn’t it also depend on the man? ”
Many girls, especially after they start to fall in love, it is easy to give up everything about themselves. Being bound to the other party, they always habitually blame themselves when encountering problems, ignore their own value, and finally lose themselves.
But girls who know their own value are more self-respecting and self-loving. They dare to pursue independence and live freely and unrestrainedly, without fear of difficulties or external voices.
is like Liu Yan who plays Sun Sanniang, her experience can be described as lamentable. When she was at her lowest, she also doubted herself: "What should I look like? What do you imagine I should look like?".
But now Liu Yan has reconciled with her true self. She is like her true character playing Sun Sanniang, but she is more sober. Liu Yan once said in an interview: "I am more eager for self-realization and self-worth." If I can achieve all this, "I will be a complete, independent, and charming woman."
Therefore, she has For her outstanding performance in " beneficiary ", she earned the title of "Desperate Sanniang" and was recognized by the audience.
As Socrates said: "In fact, everyone is the best. The key lies in how to know yourself, how to discover and reuse yourself."
After experiencing the incident, Sun Sanniang also gradually transformed, no longer belittles herself. : "In addition to being a mother, I am first of all an independent person."
When a girl can see her own value clearly, then she will be like the transformed Sun Sanniang, reconcile with herself, boldly pursue her dreams, and be happy in life.
Song Yinzhang is a typical "nurturing" character. From the beginning, she was a well-behaved girl who daydreamed about relying on others to escape her country. In the end, she finally woke up, subdued Shen Ruzhuo alone, and found her own life goal. In fact, this is the growing pain that many " good girls " need to go through.
Zhao Pan'er was entrusted by Song Yinzhang's sister, and regarded Yinzhang as her biological sister, taking careful care of her.When Song Yinzhang was in the Jiaofang Department, he only had to play the pipa and did not have to worry about worldly affairs. As a result, although Song Yinzhang became the "first pipa player in Jiangnan", he was also very much like the obedient girls around us since childhood. True or false No distinction is made, completely ignorant of the ways of the world . A few sweet words from Zhou She and Shen Ruzhuo can easily make her fall into it.
Song Yinzhang is not stupid. In fact, when she was "drifting in Beijing", Zhao Paner's few words could easily wake her up. But as Sanniang pointed out to Pan'er: You have protected Yinzhang too well over the years. She is not confused, she is indifferent to the world.
Raising a daughter is not about raising a happy canary and letting her become a fairy who does not eat the fireworks of the world. Instead, she should be allowed to see the beauty and ugliness of this world so that she can make her own judgment when facing difficulties in the future. She won't become the Lady Song who is "timid and timid when it comes to trouble, but calm and measured when it comes to piano" .
Song Yinzhang's "goodness" lies in the fact that she always puts herself in the position of the weak, and thus always pins her hopes on others.
Yin Zhang wanted to leave the country, but every time he wanted to rely on men, but he relied on others. There is Zhou She in front of her and Shen Ruzhuo in back. As long as someone promises to help her get out of the country, she will instantly become attached to her. As a " good girl", even if she was bullied by Zhou She, she would only tolerate it and could not think of a way to save herself, giving Zhou She opportunities to get worse again and again.
There are many such well-behaved girls around us. They have been indoctrinated by their parents since childhood to "be gentle, sensible, obedient, and like a girl." Their independent thoughts and individuality have been gradually domesticated and erased, and finally they have become A good old man who allows others to bully him, a victim who tolerates blindly, a victim who is willing to devote his life...
Professor Li Meijin once said in a program: "Many families work hard to train girls to be ladies, But a beautiful girl has no ability to protect herself once she meets a gangster, because she has been taught to be very civilized and polite since she was a child. ”
Fortunately, Song Yinzhang has a good relationship with the oiran Zhang. After a series of turmoils, she finally grew up and was no longer a submissive "good girl", but an edgy Lady Song who could stand on her own.
"Being good" should not be a label for whether she is a good girl. Girls should also live full of strength and edge. Only when a girl has a firm self, mature judgment, and dares to take responsibility for her own actions can she stand upright and not be bullied.
When raising a daughter, although we cannot give her luxurious material conditions, as parents, we can give her enough support and sense of security, and teach her the ability to live independently and protect herself. Only in this way can she be successful when she enters the society. You will not be bullied because of your weakness, and you can face the storms in life bravely and confidently.
