[Mental Health] Why does "refusal" make people feel so painful

said: Reject, maybe everyone will have a variety of different pictures in their minds.

For example: rejected by the romantic partner, can no longer continue to associate; rejected by the boss, fired; rejected by friends to play together, etc.

Some people may not be able to understand: if you refuse, then you refuse! There is no grass in the end of the world; if you don’t stay here, you have a place to stay; if you don’t play with you, just play with others! When

is rejected, people around him usually use these words to comfort him, but the effect is often very unsatisfactory. Behind such words, without exception, there is a message: being rejected, you don't need to care so much, it's not right for you to feel so painful!

But people, it is so painful! This feeling is very real! An experiment in the book

tells us that even if we are rejected by a stranger, psychological pain is inevitable. And the pain caused by rejection is more profound than other negative emotions, such as disappointment, frustration, and fear.

rejection is equivalent to psychological "cutting" and "scratching".

If the body is cut, cut, or bleeds by a knife, we will know: the other party is very painful, and will comfort the other party, wash the other party's wound, put band-aids, etc., but the psychological trauma, the other party silently bleeds in the heart , But we cannot easily see through the naked eye.

So we often greatly underestimate rejection, which causes our psychological pain. Let it bleed, suppurate, and become infected, and even further develop into more serious psychological trauma and illness.

1. Why does "refusal" cause such great emotional pain psychologically?

seriously threatens a person's sense of belonging because of "refusal". In the history of human evolution, humans are social animals.

In primitive times, if you are rejected by a tribe or community, it means that you have cut off the supply of food, the right to be protected, and the right to mating and courtship. Compared to being sentenced to death, it is difficult to survive. Therefore, the collective subconsciousness brought to us by human ancestors makes us particularly concerned about "rejection", so that when we are rejected, we cannot easily recover through reason. The

experiment proves that once a person falls into the pain of "rejection", his IQ, short-term memory, reasoning and decision-making abilities will drop significantly. It can be seen that "refusal" can be destructive to a person.

2. People who are traumatized by "refusal" are extremely aggressive.

Just because "refusal" brings such a big emotional shock to people, people who are rejected are very angry and aggressive! This is easier to understand.

For example, when I just graduated from university, I once talked with a boyfriend. After getting along for 3 times, I found that this person is relatively inferior and is always trying to please me. Although he took care of me in every possible way, it made me feel very uncomfortable, so I broke up. The experience after the result of

is still unforgettable for me: he pestered me for more than three months, changed his original gentle and considerate appearance, and started bombarding me with information. He even sent a threatening message saying: Between the two of us, either you die or I live, I'm going to cut your head off and so on... Fortunately, he was a timid man and didn't take any action in the end. , But the threat of violence in his language made me scared for a long time.

3. The "self-criticism" after refusal opens the chain mode of harm. The harm caused by

refusal is chained.

We have a psychological saying called "emotional reasoning", which means that people will easily think bad things when they are in a bad mood and emotional state.

For example, if a person is retrenched because the company cut costs, she will "personalize" the reason for rejection and feel that I am not good. I am a bad person, unpleasant, and worthless. This way His self-criticism is like another kick on the self-esteem that has fallen.

Disclaimer: This article answers the signing of the source of love: Peng Fei psychological - Wu Da, text images are from the network, if infringement, please contact deleted.