The reader wrote: On weekdays, because our house is only less than ten minutes away from my workplace, I rarely take my husband's car to and from get off work. I will only take my husband's car unless I go to my parents' house or go shopping.

The reader wrote to me and said:

On weekdays, because our house is only less than ten minutes away from my workplace, I rarely take my husband's car to and from get off work. I will only take my husband's car unless I go to my parents' house or go shopping.

A few days ago, because it happened to rain heavily when I got off work and I didn’t bring an umbrella when I went out, I called my husband before getting off work: Dear, I’m waiting for you at work. After get off work, you take a detour to my unit to pick me up. Husband: OK, my wife. After I got into the passenger seat of my husband's car that day, because I was wet from the rain, I opened the drawer in front of my husband's passenger. I wanted to find something similar to a towel or tissue, but found a lipstick. Before I asked my husband who his lipstick was, my husband apologized to me first: Wife, I'm sorry. Because it was raining heavily at that time, in order to make my husband concentrate on driving, I suppressed my emotions along the way, waiting to "settle" with my husband after getting home.

Regarding this matter, her husband's explanation: He recently met a netizen, who was a girl in his twenties. They met through playing online games and then met several times in life. Q: Do you love her? Husband: Just having fun. Then, my husband called the other party in front of me and blocked the other party’s contact information and deleted it.

In fact, I have thought about the scene of my husband cheating before, and have asked myself what I should do when I encounter such a thing. At that time, my true answer was: divorce. However, this kind of thing really happened in my life and realized that divorce is not an easy thing.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and our child is 6 years old. Although we bought a house with the help of both parents when we got married, my husband and I also paid a lot in the process of repaying the mortgage and working hard for our careers, so my final decision was to forgive. Maybe I no longer have strong love for my husband, but he is also a more important person in my life. I don’t have the courage to break my living habits because of divorce. However, the fact that my husband betrayed his marriage is an objective fact, so I am really not happy now.

Muzili Emotional analysis:

An indisputable fact: After a woman cheats, a man will most likely choose to divorce; after a man cheats, a woman will most likely choose to forgive. The most important point: Men usually love face, while women usually love children. Regarding staying and leaving in the post-infidelity period, it is always a multiple-choice question. I don’t want to use my thoughts to decide your choice. What I can tell you is: the initiative in marriage in the post-infidelity period is in your hands. Since you have chosen to forgive, let time help you indulge in pain. Another indisputable fact: men cheat because of itching; women cheat because of love. It means that the relationship between your husband and netizens is just playing around in a state of freshness, and as your husband blocks and deletes the other party’s contact information, they will no longer have any intersection.

post-fraudulent period, since you have chosen to forgive, don’t continue to focus on your lover’s cheating. At this time, you need to remind yourself why you choose to forgive after your lover’s cheating. Those elements that you cannot give up are the motivation to convince yourself to truly forgive your husband. During this period, you need to understand a more objective phenomenon: choosing to forgive, but frequently sarcasticize your husband about cheating in your future life. This will not only make him feel embarrassed, but also make you feel much better. After venting the appropriate emotions, try to avoid this matter intentionally. You will find that when you are unwilling to mention some things frequently, those things will become less important invisibly.

From your husband's apology attitude during his post-infidelity period and his attitude towards a third party, it is not difficult to see that although you do not have too strict requirements on your husband in your daily life, you have at least been recognized by your husband in the process of running a marriage, and he will feel that you are the woman who is suitable for life that he cannot live without in this life.So in the post-infidelity period, he gave you a more frank explanation to the affairs between him and the third party and was considered to be frank and fragile. The key is that you are not willing to let your living habits be broken. Since that is the case, the sadness of indifference is the attitude you should have. Although you may still remember your husband's cheating when you are in a low mood in the future, you must master one thing: there is no need to re-report the old things in this matter.

Regarding marriage life, the parts that make you nostalgic include: 1) Your child is only 6 years old, and you can't bear to let your child grow up in a divorced family; 2) You and your husband have made too much for the stability and wealth of their marriage over the years, and are unwilling to let your efforts go to waste; 3) Your relationship over the years is generally reasonable. You have regarded your husband as a relatively important part of your life. You feel that you will have many discomforts when you are separated from him; 4) In fact, you still love each other, but the element of family affection is more than that of love, so that you will feel that "love" does not exist. Take these attachments in marriage to calm your anger about your husband's cheating, and think more about your husband's goodness during this period.

post-fraud, there is another tricky thing: on the one hand, loyalty to marriage, will cause psychological imbalance in the behavior of betraying the marriage with your lover. I feel that I can guarantee my loyalty to my marriage, so why can’t my lover be able to do it? In fact, a lot of unpleasantness between husband and wife is also caused by psychological imbalance. It’s like: when you are doing housework, your lover is playing with your mobile phone, and you will be furious. At this time, you need to tell yourself: cheating is something that has happened, and even if it is difficult for you to accept it, it needs to be digested slowly. During this period, never have the idea of ​​cheating and retaliation, otherwise it will only make the already fragile relationship between husband and wife more fragile. Of course, there is no need to feel that you are the one who is in charge in the post-infidelity period and just make sarcastic thoughts on your lover.

We need to understand one thing: in the long river of our lives, we have also done some wrong things. After doing something wrong, I felt that I was in a disadvantage in the face of the accusations from people around me. The effect you want most at this time: forgive yourself by those around you. This means that in the post-infidelity period, if you don’t be a fool and expose your lover’s cheating behavior, it will already have a good deterrent effect on your lover. At this time, there is no need to sarcastically sarcastically at your lover. Because sometimes we see this kind of scene: when faced with your endless sarcasm, your lover will talk back to you. At this time, your inner grievance: Why is his lover still stubborn even though he has done something wrong? In fact, the lover's retaliation at this moment is just an unreasonable act to cover up his inappropriate mistakes, and does not think that he should cheat.

Postscript: During the post-infidelity period, there are only two choices: divorce or forgiveness. During this period, you will instinctively weigh the pros and cons. Remember: cheating itself has caused harm to yourself. At this time, whether you choose to forgive or divorce, you will have a period of emotional adjustment. If you choose to divorce, please remember to maximize the material benefits of yourself and your children; if you choose to forgive, it means that your marriage life will continue, please reduce some hysterical abuse.

People cannot have a smooth life. When they are in a depressed mood, they need to learn to make themselves happy. Or when facing the behavior of your lover's cheating, there is no need to make a decision immediately when you are unsure about forgiveness or divorce. Instead, you let your emotions vent and make relatively rational decisions about the direction of your marriage when you are more stable. As an adult, try to learn to restrain your emotions.

(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)