The reader wrote to me and said:
A few days ago, my wife called me: Dear, I won’t go home for dinner tonight, I want to go shopping with my best friend. Me: OK. Because my wife and I have been married for less than two years and currently have no children. Since my wife is not having dinner at home, I will ask my buddy to have a drink. Ironically, while my buddy and I were drinking at a roadside stall, we saw my wife shopping with a boy's arm. Q: Didn’t you say you wanted to go shopping with your best friend? Wife: Yes, he is my best friend.
In fact, my wife and I have been together for nearly 4 years from falling in love to getting married, and I basically know her friends. Before this, I had never seen my wife, a male best friend. At that time, I did not break up with my wife, and said to my wife calmly: You can continue shopping, go home early when you are tired of shopping. Afterwards, I continued to drink with my buddy. But my mind is quite confused and I can no longer communicate happily with my buddy. That day, I got myself drunk and my buddy sent me home safely.
After I got home, my wife had already returned home. She did not further explain to me about going shopping with the man, nor did I continue to ask her questions.
My wife and I were in a free relationship and got married. We met my wife on a friend’s birthday and I took the initiative to pursue. After this mutual friend learned that my wife and I were in love, we had stopped our relationship. My friend’s reminder at that time that my wife had been lovers for her boss before. Actually, after hearing this, I was a little confused. It is precisely because of this that my relationship with my wife lasted for nearly two years. My true thoughts at that time: If my wife no longer had any undecisive behavior during her relationship with me, I would be ignoring my past. In fact, during the two years of my relationship with my wife, my wife did not do anything that I doubted. Unexpectedly, after getting married, my wife's fox tail was revealed. As for how my wife met that man and how long they had been dating, I was too lazy to ask because it was useless to ask. My trouble: Is it necessary to continue such a marriage?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Do you really don’t care about your lover’s past? It's obviously a lie! Can the things that have happened before really be ignored? It's obviously a lie! A person’s life is half a memory and half a continuation. Many times, the reason why we don’t want to care about our lover’s past is because we are more satisfied with our lover’s hardware conditions and try hard to convince ourselves to keep our past grudges. But there will definitely be some shadows in my heart. If this shadow is not broken, one of the most critical elements is: in future life, your lover must not do anything to betray your marriage, otherwise the old and new accounts will be settled together. At this time, your lover's image in your mind will plummet.
However, it is not easy to say that divorce is due to the fact that some people are ties with their children when they want to divorce. There is no child ties between you and your wife. My advice tends to be: divorce. After you ran into a scene where your wife was dating a man, you had two instinctive reactions: 1) You did not get angry with your wife on the spot, but continued to get drunk with your buddy at a roadside stall; 2) After you got home that day, you did not continue to question your wife about this matter. Perhaps sometimes, a person's words and deeds can also explain his true state of mind: the moment you see your wife dating another man, the trust you have gradually established in your wife over the years has completely disappeared.
In a relationship, people actually value the degree of attachment to this person. An indisputable reality: after a man cheats, he or she has a firm attitude towards breaking up with a third party and a sincere attitude towards his wife, and he or she will usually be forgiven by his wife; after a woman cheats, even if she or she or she has a firm attitude towards breaking up with a third party and a sincere attitude towards apologizing, she or she may not be able to get her husband's forgiveness.The main reason: In a marriage relationship, men will feel that even if they divorce, they can still live a good life, and many women will have a very difficult life if they lose their dependence on their husbands. Therefore, when you cheat, you need to ask yourself: Do you have the capital to betray your marriage, or do you have any plans to divorce?
The reason why the divorce rate has quietly increased in recent years is a factor that cannot be ignored: more and more women's dependence on men is weakening, so that after many men cheat, women report to men a zero-tolerance attitude. I also believe that as women become stronger in the workplace, husband and wife relationships will tend to be more equal. In this gradual process, the increase in divorce rate and the deterioration of machismo in men will be more obvious manifestations of this era related to marriage and love. After this process finally forms a new form of marriage and love, perhaps people's view of marriage and attitude towards marriage will be reshuffled. By that time, I believe that more and more people will have this perception: cheating in marriage will no longer be a mistake that men make, but a more stupid behavior.
There is a saying in the marriage and love market: It is better to marry a good daughter than to pass the walled wife. Everyone should taste the tricks themselves. I also believe that in the days after you discovered that your wife had a wall, the more common thing you had flashed in your mind was "divorce", just because you spent a lot of money when you got married, and in recent years, you have accumulated a lot of family affection between you and your wife, which made you hesitate. But what is certain is that when you have no children to do, I think it is quite difficult for you to forget the harm your wife has given you. Since you can't really forgive in the post-infidelity period, what is the meaning of this relationship to get it together? Perhaps a divorce that cuts the mess quickly is a relief for each other.
It is indeed difficult for people to meet a perfect lover in their entire lives, so people need to show some tolerance in the process of running their marriage. But everyone has their own bottom line that they need to keep. When some of their lover's behaviors break through their bottom line and there are no too many factors to restrict it, it is difficult for the relationship between the two to be repaired. When couples quarrel, they often hear a sentence that "if it weren't for the child, I would have divorced you long ago." Although this sentence seems to be more angry, it is also the true heart of some people under the circumstances at that time (he was relatively disappointed with holding a marriage). Here I would like to remind those married couples who are married and have children: When your lover says harsh words to you, you need to reflect on your attitude towards managing your marriage.
Editor:
Men is old and married when they are old and married when they are old. It is the main theme of the marriage and love market. People's protection of their reputation will also be something that they need to do all their lives. Don't make mistakes at once on some principled issues, otherwise it will be difficult to use other means to help them whitewash themselves. Some people are indeed more prominent in some areas, but when people examine you, they often grasp your shortcomings and try to make themselves a rule-abiding person in the long river of life.
Although people will do things that they regret or regret in their lives, harmless behavior will not have much impact on their future career and emotional direction. If they make mistakes in some principled things, that stain will never be able to whitewash them in their lives. I hope that when you interpret your life, you don’t do things you knowingly do, because the cost will be huge.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
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