Have you ever encountered such a situation?

Have you ever encountered such a situation? When others borrow money from you, you are embarrassed to refuse, even if you are not willing to borrow money; when others borrow money but do not repay it, you are just a weak compromise, and cannot resolutely let them repay the money; when others invite you to do things you don’t want to do, even if you are particularly reluctant, you will do it - because you are afraid that you will offend others, be disliked by others, be isolated by others, and be unhappy by others, and think that if you refuse "multiple friends and multiple roads", it will embarrass others and be disliked by others. In fact, "not knowing how to refuse" will make your heart very painful.

Many times, you are always afraid of expressing your true thoughts, afraid of being isolated, afraid of others not accepting you, afraid of others attacking you, and not knowing to refuse. You care about other people's evaluations very much, always take the initiative to apologize, cater to others unconditionally, ignore your own feelings, and always want to gain confidence through other people's recognition. Your principles and bottom line are reduced again and again, so you have no way to win the respect of others. Invisibly, you have formed a fixed thinking pattern, use pleasing others to do so. Protecting yourself from being rejected in interpersonal communication is actually a pathological self-protection mechanism, so you are always tired and unconfident. You should start to realize and adjust your thinking mode:

1. Accepting that imperfect self

There is no perfect person. You must learn to accept that imperfect self. Starting today, change your thinking habits. For example, if you do anything in the past, you should first consider what others need? Then from today on, ask yourself what you need, for example: if you want someone who borrows money and doesn't pay it back, it's okay if you don't pay it back. If you want him to return the money to you, don't back down and calmly and firmly take the money back. Retreat will not help you solve any problems, it will only turn you into a soft persimmon. No one will ever sympathize with you because of your weakness and good face, and will only respect you because of your strength.

For example, when others ask you to do something you don’t want to do, you can refuse gently and friendlyly. Those who like you will not dislike you because of your rejection, and those who don’t like you will not like you because of your failure to refuse. In this world you can't like everyone, and you can't be liked by everyone.

2. Learn to refuse when it’s time to refuse, so that you will be truly respected

Have you lived most of your time in the expectations of others? Always begging yourself to please others? Rarely live for yourself? And people who are truly loved and respected by everyone never deliberately please others.

3. Only when you walk the road well can you have more real friends

It is not "the road is easy to walk with more friends", but only when you walk the road well can you have more real friends. Besides, what's the point of having some ineffective social interaction? If you can't directly refuse, tell the other party: I really want to do this, but for some reason it's difficult for me to do it now.

Learn to reject it when it’s time to refuse! From now on, learn to say "no"! Establish a sense of boundaries and respect your inner feelings and values!