Author丨Tongyan
I gradually discovered that after middle age, there are more ineffective marriages than I imagined.
Zhou Guoping once wrote in his book:
If we understand love as an extremely deep relationship between men and women, we will see that it is not limited to romantic feelings, but also a different form. As we grow older, the romantic feelings gradually weaken. However, if the quality of this combination is good, another feeling will gradually grow. This new relationship is not as passionate and crazy as a relationship, but it has many factors that a relationship does not have. The most important thing is the mutual trust, tacit understanding in behavior, deep concern, and a sense of common destiny formed in the long-term shared life.
And Zhou Guoping regards this as a family affection that is not of blood nature, and believes that this is a more mature form of love.
In fact, even such a relationship has a premise, including in the previous paragraph, it was mentioned that this requires "The quality of relationship combination is good" . Only after this premise is established can the final form of marriage be sublimated in the original romantic feelings.
The two people at this time are not only in love with each other, but also inseparable from each other.
But when you go back to real life, most people are still ordinary people.
Everyone will not have too profound reflections and discussions about marriage, and will not sit together to review and contemplate the relationship in a timely manner. Everyone will continue to promote the progress of the marriage relationship with a casual attitude.
At this time, life is basically filled with food, food, oil and salt. The so-called romance will naturally become gradually impossible to remember under such a pattern.
So, some people's hearts are getting further and further.
And, this shows a positive correlation with age, that is, the more you get older, the more strange you may be to each other. I have even seen some couples gradually develop disgust with each other.
But if the two people at this time had already been so bad, could they be separated in time? To be honest, it also takes courage, because marriage involves many things, interests, children, common friendships, etc. If you divorce at this time, you must be separated from the life you have long been accustomed to.
This is actually quite difficult, and the courage required is also huge, and it also requires a certain ability of an individual. Of course, for women, this ability refers more to leaving the other party and you must have various capitals to live independently, not only economically but also psychologically.
Because there are too many things to consider, many people just go through it like this.
However, the feelings cannot go back to the beginning, so everyone is not only going further and further psychologically, but also constantly practicing their true mentality in behavior.
When people reach middle age, why do many couples live a "abstinent" life? Two people who have experienced this have told me the answer to the question
.
They are both 46 years old and have been separated from their husbands for many years. One is because they have long had no feelings for each other, mainly because her husband betrayed the family a few years ago, and his trust was broken and he could no longer be restored.
And her husband was unwilling to divorce at the time. She considered various factors of reality and finally chose to forgive her, but from then on, they became alienated.
She only cares about two things: First, is her husband good to the child? Her husband is indeed a person who is more responsible for his children. This became a big bargaining chip for her not to divorce. She didn't want her children to grow up in a single-parent family;
Second, will her husband pay her monthly salary? Her husband did this, so she continued to maintain this relationship.
In her words, the person you are looking for is definitely not as good to his children as he is, and the other party may not be really loyal to the marriage.
Anyway, she took it lightly and didn't look at her marriage much, but focused more on herself, and her whole body was in a good state.
The second woman and her husband separated from her husband, purely because she became older, her sleep quality was relatively poor, and her husband snoring loudly when she slept, so the two of them slept separately, and this separation lasted for many years. Originally, they had blind dates and got married, and they never had a passionate love period, so they were used to each other.
She herself joked that they are now like roommates who share the rent, and the same is true for her and her husband.
It’s not good to say it, either, it’s not. Many times, two people can still talk and laugh, but it’s even more true that you say it’s so close.
She would rather talk to her friends than talk to her husband. Her husband was not interested. No matter what she said, her husband would basically not respond much. Sometimes he answered a simple sentence or two, and sometimes he pretended not to hear it.
She thinks her husband is only interested in fishing.
Marriage has come to this point, and she doesn't feel anything wrong, because she is no longer at the age of a love-minded person. Her whole mind is basically on her two children, and she will be satisfied as long as the children are well.
As for her husband, she did not have too many expectations, but at the same time, she was used to having such a person around her.
Of course, the reason why these two experienced people separate only represents some of them, and reality may have more different formation factors.
Everyone has some problems that cannot be avoided in their marriage. Some people can constantly solve problems, while some people will only accumulate and even aggravate the problems.
How many middle-aged couples have become the most familiar strangers in their relationship day after day. Familiarity is because they have been with each other for many years, while strangeness is because they no longer really have a heart-to-heart relationship, but because they involve many common interests, neither of them chooses to end the relationship.
To put it realistic, everyone's pursuit and choice are different. At this time, as an outsider, some people may think that instead of doing this, it is better to stop the loss completely and in time. In this life, a person should always live for himself and pursue what he wants.
But your pursuit does not represent the pursuit of others, and your confidence does not represent the confidence of others. Some people are unwilling to be wronged, but some people do not think this is wronged, because a different approach may be even more wronged.
So, after all, it is just a personal choice, and you have to bear the corresponding results and life to choose.
-END-
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