Many people have experienced such a relationship: Chinese-style intimate relationship, not talking well - rhetorical question. Really, the closer the person is, the more they like to say such rhetorical questions casually, thinking that it is good for the other person, but it really hurts the feelings.
01What does it mean to not speak well? I believe many people are familiar with this scene.
has such a video. A scene where a mother urges her elementary school daughter to do her homework. Originally, when the mother saw that her daughter was not doing her homework well, she asked her why she couldn't do her homework well? Then he sat next to the child and talked to himself, saying that he worked hard to support her in school, and now he is not doing his homework well... Finally, the mother told her daughter that she was angry and walked out of the room. Then the father came in, and the daughter cried and said guiltily that her mother was angry with her. Scenes like this often happen in families.
Picture source network
It turns out that the mother's rhetorical question is actually to tell her daughter that if she doesn't study well and do her homework, she wants her daughter to think that she is wrong. If she doesn't do her homework well, she will be sorry for her mother's hard work. In fact, the mother's behavior is to pass the responsibility of her hard work to her daughter and make her daughter feel guilty.
02 Accusations and rhetorical questions will ruin the birthday party
There is also a news story about a little girl’s birthday. The person who took the cake did not put it on the table, but put it on the stool. The stool belongs to the little girl's aunt. Because her aunt's back was turned and no one told her where the cake was, she just sat on the stool out of habit. As a result, the cake was ruined and her aunt's cake was also stained. Seeing the grievance on the little girl's face, the aunt immediately stood up to comfort the little girl. But the little girl still cried sadly. At this time, the relatives were criticizing and questioning her aunt, comforting the little girl. A wonderful birthday party ended unhappy like this.
Picture source network
These people relied on their relationship to accuse and question the aunt. In fact, they were questioning the aunt in her twenties and asking her to admit her mistakes. The aunt noticed that the cake was sitting on her. Seeing the aggrieved look on her little niece's face, she immediately got up and comforted the little girl. She didn't even care that the cake was also stained on her clothes. The relatives' accusations against the aunt also successfully triggered the aunt's guilt, making her even more aware that it was her fault. At the same time, this is also the key to ruining the little girl’s birthday party.
As the closest relatives, why do they unconsciously use rhetorical questions? The first point is not realizing the actual harm and effect of rhetorical questions on the other party. The second point is to think that it is a relative, and push the responsibility on the relative to make them feel that it is their fault, so as to achieve the purpose of making the other party admit their mistake.
03 Rhetorical questions hurt those closest to you
What is the effect of rhetorical questions, for example, why didn’t you take away the garbage in the morning? It is equivalent to telling the other party that it is your fault that you did not take away the rubbish; it means that it is not wrong that I did not take away the rubbish; it means that you were wrong for not taking away the rubbish. That is, all the responsibility is passed on to the other party, and I have no responsibility at all. When someone says this, he is shirking responsibility, and he can feel at ease to make himself feel better.
Picture source network
When faced with such a rhetorical question, different people will have different reactions to the other party's rhetorical question, resulting in different results.
First of all, the first type of people do not realize that taking garbage out is not something they have to do. They take the initiative to admit that it is their own fault, and then blame themselves for their carelessness, falling into self-internal friction and self-doubt, and unable to get out. The second type of person, realizing that it is not their fault, will start to refute the other person, leading to arguments and quarrels, and finally the two people break up on bad terms.
The third type of person can realize that the other person wants to make him feel better when he says this, so he will follow his accusation, but he immediately analyzes it in his heart, the other person is just looking for a step, I don't Hard steel, don't fall into self-internal friction, just do what you have to do. Such people have the ambition to achieve success for others.
The fourth type of person may feel that the other person's words will make many people uncomfortable, so they will teach the other person tactfully or harshly to make them realize that they should not just say rhetorical questions. I would like to call these people teachers.
Now, we know that rhetorical questions are shirking responsibility in order to make the other party take responsibility. If the other party is not aware, they will fall into self-inflicted self-pain, and even lead to quarrels. Because I believe most people would feel uncomfortable hearing such rhetorical questions. If I were a little girl doing homework, I would leave my homework and stop doing it. If I were the little girl's aunt, facing accusations and rhetorical questions from relatives, I would get mad about who put the cake on the stool but not on the table.
So, loved ones, please stop hurting your nearest and dearest with rhetorical questions.
04Families that talk well are the happiest
Families that talk well are really enviable, and their good moods are taken care of.
Picture source network
The same family planned to travel abroad, but when they arrived at the airport, everyone except the mother and the child had already registered. Because the child's exit visa was found to have expired during the ticket inspection, so the mother did not board the plane with the child. But the whole family’s luggage was placed on my mother’s contact information, and because they didn’t board the plane, the luggage was returned. Some people may have ruined their entire trip because of this little incident, just because of the luggage problem. However, the result is that those who boarded the plane still enjoyed their travel vacation. Just because they didn't question and accuse the mother. My mother also checked the baggage in time after returning it.
speaks well, and in the end, the family has a happy trip, and the family's happiness experience is increased. It is really a good deal.
To speak well, you can start by actively reducing the use of rhetorical questions. What rhetorical questions have you encountered that hurt you? Please leave a message to discuss~
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-