An ancient saying goes: "You can play a thousand songs and then you will hear the sound ; you can watch a thousand swords and then you can recognize the weapon."
It means that only after practicing many pieces of music can one understand the music; only after observing many swords can one know how to identify the sword. .
The ancients believed that true knowledge can only come from practice. Many things need to be practiced several times before a correct understanding can be summarized. The same is true for love and mate selection.
However, many families now adopt the educational concept of "girls should be rich". Under the over-care and over-protection of their parents, many girls become innocent and kind-hearted "silly white sweets" who don't know the sinister nature of people's hearts.
They have too little exposure to the "dark side" and experience too few things. They often lack the ability to think independently and lack correct understanding and judgment of human nature.
So that when they are in love and choosing a mate, they tend to misunderstand people and are not kind to them.
Yishu wrote in " Xibao":
"Most of the children from good families are ridiculously naive."
01. Most of the rich girls are simple
Although the family of netizen Tang Xi (pseudonym) cannot be mentioned How wonderful, but in the city you still have a house and a car, a stable life, and no worries about food and clothing.
As the only daughter in the family, Tang Xi is deeply loved by her parents. Under the "richness" of her parents, she is indeed very innocent and simple.
Moreover, Tang Xi spent most of his life in a relatively simple campus environment, and did not experience too much intrigue and intrigue.
Tang Xi’s academic performance was good. After going to university, he was admitted to graduate school. She and her current boyfriend Hu Chen (pseudonym) met in college.
Hu Chen and she were from the same city, but she lived in the main city and Hu Chen lived in the lower districts and counties.
Hu Chen entered the society a few years earlier than her, but the two parties kept in contact. By the time she graduated from graduate school, the two had developed a romantic relationship.
Tang Xi has zero love experience, and Hu Chen is her first boyfriend.
Hu Chen's family has average conditions. His parents have no formal jobs and run a breakfast shop on the street. He also has a sister who is married.
Hu Chen's sister is very capable. She opened a curtain shop in the neighboring county. She makes and installs the curtains herself, and the business is very prosperous.
Tang Xi was already 26 years old when she graduated from graduate school. After working for a year, at the urging of her parents, her marriage to Hu Chen was put on the agenda.
The request of Tang Xi's parents was very simple. The man would leave the wedding room and give a bride price according to local customs, and the woman would give a corresponding dowry according to the amount of the bride price.
In the local area, there is no fixed standard for betrothal gifts. Generally, they are decided through negotiation based on the family conditions of both parties. Moreover, in the local area, the dowry given by the woman is usually more than the bride price.
At that time, Tang Xi’s parents planned to marry her with a car worth about 120,000 yuan. As for the betrothal gift from the groom's family, it doesn't matter if it's 80,000 yuan or 100,000 yuan.
However, Hu Chen is interested in an electric car with a price of nearly 300,000 yuan.
Later, after another negotiation, Tang Xi's parents agreed to marry an electric car , but the bride price was also increased to 200,000.
02. The man was opportunistic but self-defeating.
The marriage originally went smoothly, but several things that happened next made Tang Xi's parents feel that the man was opportunistic and plotting secretly.
Hu Chen’s family had prepared the wedding room more than a year ago, but Hu Chen told Tang Xi that the down payment of 450,000 for the wedding room was paid by his sister, and he would slowly save the money to pay it back to her in the future.
Tang Xi had no idea about money and didn't think much about it at the time. She even felt that Hu Chen was responsible. She agreed that after getting married, the two of them would make money together and return it to her sister.
The next step is the decoration of the wedding room. At the beginning, Hu Chen said that the wedding room was the future home of two people, and he would respect her opinion on how to decorate it.
Tang Xi, who was very interested, carefully selected the decoration plan, but her boyfriend told her that her parents had already made a decoration plan. After all, they were the ones who paid for it...
Tang Xi was very disappointed.
However, Hu Chen quickly thought of a way and said that as long as we pay for it ourselves, we can decorate it according to our own wishes.
Tang Xi doesn't work long hours and doesn't have much savings. In addition to the New Year's money given by her parents and elders during the Chinese New Year, her total personal wealth is only 50,000.
Later, with Hu Chen's instigation and help, Tang Xi applied for a renovation loan.
On the issue of bride price, Hu Chen also chose to be opportunistic. When the wedding day was approaching, Hu Chen told Tang Xi that his family could not afford 200,000 yuan in cash, so he could only take out a loan of 200,000 yuan in order to marry her home gloriously.
Hu Chen also said that her parents would ask her to bring back the 200,000 yuan as a gift anyway, and then pay the 200,000 yuan back.
Under Hu Chen’s instructions, Tang Xi did not tell his parents any of these things. However, when it came to paying the bride price, Hu Chen, who was full of calculations, still made a mistake.
03.Parents cancel engagement
In the local area, traditional etiquette is very important.
Paying the bride price is a very important ceremony and link in the marriage process. The man will choose a good and auspicious day and send the bride price to the woman's family in cash to express his respect and recognition for the woman's family.
If the amount of the betrothal gift is relatively high, the man will take the woman to apply for a card in advance, and then deposit the money into the card. On the day of the betrothal gift, the man will send the card to the woman's house. This will also appear to be more serious and respectful. A sense of ritual.
However, Hu Chen may be worried that Tang Xi's parents will withhold the gift, or he may want to keep relevant certificates, so he transfers the 200,000 gift to Tang Xi's account.
When something goes wrong, there must be a monster. Tang Xi was simple-minded, but her parents were not stupid. Under their questioning, Tang Xi told everything.
’s parents immediately became angry and decided to cancel the wedding.
Tang Xi didn’t understand very much and thought her parents were overthinking. But the parents said: "Daughter, you are too naive. If you marry such a family, you will suffer a lot in the future..."
After calming down, the parents patiently explained to Tang Xi.
"If you think about it carefully, you have to pay back the down payment and the mortgage together, you have to pay for the decoration, and even the bride price is calculated against you? You got married and paid so much, but what did you get? A husband full of calculations?
When a man gets married, not to mention what he pays, he gets a house with his name on it, a car worth 300,000 yuan, and a wife who will bear children, take care of the housework, and share debts for him..."
Tang Xi still couldn't turn around. She felt that marriage was a matter between two people. All her efforts were for their future home. What was wrong?
The parents were helpless and continued to explain: "There is a term in psychology called the sunk cost effect. When it comes to marriage, it means that the one who pays more is more reluctant to let go; the person who pays less is more reluctant to let go. You won't cherish it.
When a person has something to rely on, he will act with confidence. He holds more of your things and treats you more wantonly."
Parents finally said: "Men have good and bad qualities. Some men, the more you give, the more they cherish you; some men, the more you give, the more they cherish you. The more he becomes convinced of you, you can't be too naive..."
Tang Xi finally listened to his parents and canceled the engagement. Now his parents are "wrangling" with Hu Chen's family over the renovation expenses.
04. Give children more opportunities to try and make mistakes
There is a line in " The Age of Naked Marriage ":
"I misunderstood the old saying Poor children are rich and daughters are raised . I tried my best to create conditions for prosperity for my daughter, but I was afraid She was deceived by a piece of cake.
But I forgot that such a girl was too well protected from being deceived by cakes, but was deceived by a few sweet words. "
Many parents have misunderstood the concept of "rich" their daughters. Meaning, they protected their daughter very tightly and allowed her to grow up in a clean and safe environment.
Girls who come from such an environment are often simple-minded. Because they have experienced too few things, they lack correct understanding and cannot take corresponding precautions in the face of complex human nature.
Real "enrichment" should broaden your daughter's horizons, increase her knowledge, and enable her to protect herself in complex environments.
Therefore, as a parent, you should give your daughter as many opportunities as possible to try and make mistakes while you are still able to control the situation.
When a person is young, she has strong plasticity and quick repair ability. Even if she falls, she can get up quickly; even if she is injured, those small wounds will slowly grow into armor on her body.
There is a saying: "Eyes that have shed tears can see the world more clearly."
Indeed, only by seeing a thousand swords and then recognizing the weapon, and by experiencing more things, can we understand human nature better and determine our own direction.
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