This is the 1345th sister in Sister Si’s shell wall story—Xiao Ke, 40+, from Shanghai. (All shell stories are written by the sister. To protect the privacy of the sisters, the names of the protagonists in the article are pseudonyms.) My story: From campus to marriage, we separate

This is the 1345th sister of Miss Sister Shell Wall Story — Xiao Ke, 40+, from Shanghai.

(All shells stories are written by the sister herself. To protect the privacy of the sisters, the protagonists of the article are pseudonyms)

My story:

From campus to marriage, we separated and reunited for about 8 years. long-distance love affair.

In the fourth year after marriage, she gave birth to a son. We supported each other from grassroots entrepreneurship to successful careers, gaining fame and fortune locally in our hometown and in the alumni circle.

He has become a representative figure of the gorgeous counterattack of the poor rural boy who is talked about in the circle. And I am the good wife, career helper, and prosperous star in this story. Something happened to

in the second half of the 14th year after marriage. A divorced middle-aged woman from her cousin's family. The two met and talked happily for the first time. Before they left, they added his contact information in the name of learning from us.

Based on my long-term trust in him and our strong emotional foundation, coupled with the huge gap in the other party's status and ideological level, I was not wary of this woman and regarded their acquaintance and communication as just a casual acquaintance.

It was during this period that he had obvious changes. His attitude became very impatient, communication decreased significantly, he spent more and more time in front of the mobile phone, and he appeared very happy and joyful when facing the mobile phone screen. ......

I didn’t know what the problem was at the time, but I felt vaguely uneasy and anxious in my heart. I could not help but reflect on myself due to his strong words, words of oppression and accusation, which is commonly known as being PUA without realizing it. Know.

More than a month later, we visited my cousin’s house again, and the appearance and approach of this divorced middle-aged woman set off my sixth sense alarm, reminding me that there was an unusual connection between them.

Late that night, I picked up his mobile phone. Thousands of chat records a day revealed their existing relationship. I repeatedly viewed screen after screen of ambiguity, intimate interactions, and heartbreaking waves. This is what it feels like to have your lungs and heart pierced by a knife.

I didn’t wake him up from his deep sleep to question him on the spot. There was a voice in my head reminding him that you don’t want a divorce now. You don’t know what you are going to do now. You can’t settle or account for the children and their parents. You are not willing to give up your wealth and your beautiful family...

So I forced myself to calm down. I recorded the chat records with trembling hands and saved them in my mobile phone, and then The phone returns to its original position.

"Don't chat with the opposite sex when you have nothing to do. After chatting for a long time, you want to meet. When you meet, you want to hug. After hugging, you want to have it. After you have it, you want to be together. People are greedy. There are no gentlemen in the world. All "Betrayals all start with small talk. It is easy for people of the opposite sex to have feelings. When you cannot grasp the boundaries, it will be a matter of time before you cross the line."

This passage closely confirms what happened between them. develop.

The next day, I looked through the records alone, thinking hard about countermeasures. Seeing the time they agreed to meet in private for the second time approaching, I was torn and entangled in my heart...

Yes, they They had already had a private meeting behind my back, a tryst in a small square for more than three hours, where we expressed our feelings to each other and made a personal agreement.

still couldn't calm down the anger in my heart. I had a showdown with him after dinner, but I didn't expose my own cards. I issued a warning that this woman had bad intentions towards him and our family, so that he could Immediately delete and sever all contact with the other person, and ask him to maintain boundaries with the opposite sex.

At the moment, he did not deny my doubts and said that he had deleted the other party and would not contact me again.

also guarantees that he values ​​his reputation and will not and cannot do such things outside that destroy people and families.

After this incident, I began to suffer in the victim mentality of self-denial, self-doubt, attack, sensitivity, anxiety, etc.

I kept scrolling through my phone to check all kinds of extramarital affairs-related content and information. I tried to find out here why this kind of thing happened to me and between us, and various reasons kept coming to my mind.

The content that makes me most empathetic to and is all articles from the self-media "Miss Sister's Notes". I know that sooner or later I will collapse if I continue like this, mentally and physically. Then what else will I have to maintain? significance.

So, I followed Sister Si and joined her group. The content in it refreshed my past knowledge every day. I hungrily joined the group and absorbed new knowledge and nutrition in the group class. My anxiety and self-denial are getting less and less.

I know very well that we need to have divorce power, have three major independences, establish a framework, etc. How to do it? I bought all the recommended books, read crazily and , read articles and group classes over and over every day, and read them every night. Based on the group planning information and group class content, I recorded the content that resonated with me and read it over and over again to understand and absorb it.

The first three months of

were the most difficult because I couldn’t do it at all because of Sister Si’s Three Character Sutra. My attention, expectations, accusations and complaints followed him like a shadow. But after half a year, my knowledge has made me I have the power to divorce and become more and more confident.

As time goes by and my cognition improves and nourishes, I have forgotten when I achieved the Three Character Sutra.

I know that we can never go back to the past, trust has collapsed. Our marriage is a value exchange and a game. I don’t know when betrayal will strike again, so I have to race against time to consolidate my divorce power.

Faced with the depression and absent-mindedness he showed during this period, I silently calculated my family wealth, planned my income and expenses after divorce, and other costs of independent living. I knew that my last showdown was about to end. There is no financial cost or price to the other party. It doesn't matter. Now I have the energy in my heart. As long as I seize the opportunity, I can go to the negotiation table. I want to take back the initiative and be the screener of marriage.

Yes, the real time came, and just inadvertently, I viewed the video of him hugging his escort girl at the entertainment bureau. Looking at me calmly questioning me on his mobile phone, he became furious and made all kinds of offensive remarks and abuses at me like a razor blade.

These big news alarmed his family. After persuasion after persuasion, he became more and more guilty in his offensive words. The abuse became less and less, and the explanations became more and more...

But all of this was It was not what I wanted. I took the child and stayed quietly. Looking at the emotionally stable mother, the 10-year-old son, who was initially uneasy and frightened when facing his parents' quarrels, became more and more relaxed.

This makes me firmly believe in the fact that if a mother has a strong and stable heart, her children will have a sense of security.

During this process, Sister Si has been patiently teaching me how to communicate and move forward in the direction of my own interests step by step, day by day.

A few days later, I prepared everything to face him, listening to his gentle explanation of my importance to him, the importance of family to him, his emotions and the meaning of life to his family and me.

In the end, he readily signed his name on the marital property agreement. I know that the biggest reason for the other party's cooperation is the loss aversion effect in human nature. If you really dare to leave, it will make him feel a huge sense of loss.

So there is no need to believe every word and punctuation mark said by the cheating person. Keep your own purpose in mind and protect your own interests.

"Two people for life" has always been an obsession for a woman like me who went from school to marriage.

However, there is no such article in the Marriage Law . It does not stipulate that during the contract period, the two parties in the marriage relationship cannot cheat, have different intentions, or change people midway.

Yes, I have spent more than half a year overturning my self-understanding of marriage and love since I became an adult. I read like crazy from the very beginning, studying extramarital affairs, men, and gender relations, trying to figure out why and why.

But in Sister Si’s article, I have seen one after another real examples of betrayal of marriage in the group, telling us that the marriage relationship is a cooperative relationship.

I realized that only by finding my inner strength and self-confidence, establishing my own framework, establishing that everything is for the use and service of my life, and being the master of my own life, our sense of security and our love are entirely up to us. inner strength to give.

The three major things in life are your own affairs, other people’s affairs, and God’s affairs.

Keep in mind the separation of subjects, it is easiest to change yourself, and you can make your own decisions. We can't change others, but we can make ourselves better and stronger, and maybe we can guide others. Also, let God decide on God's affairs.

Without this experience, I would not have these new understandings now, nor would I have the current life pattern.

I believe that even what is lost will always be compensated for in another way. The pain of betrayal I have experienced has made me grow and transform, and I am on the road to getting better and better, constantly cultivating inner joy and peace, and filling my inner self with love and strength.

In 2021, my lover died in the marriage relationship. The truth is the greatest. If I don't fight against the facts, I will not aspire to be reconciled as before, nor can it be the same as before.

Put aside the beauty and pain of the past, and throw away the love mentality. Now, I regard this relationship as a renewed partnership. With scrutiny, framework, and principles, I guide my partners to run our family and marriage.

I believe that I have grown up to the point where I can calmly and independently accept any experience that life gives me. I’m making the most of all the experiences in my life.

Self-report of a cheated wife: Betrayal by a man is not the scariest thing, life after return is

A cheating man has "four fears", and a cheated wife has "three major self-deceptions"

After the cheating wife has recovered from the pain ’s self-statement: Only thirty, I gave myself back to myself