I had been practicing hard by the Nilianchan River for six years, eating only one hemp and one wheat every day. After unremitting efforts, I finally made myself look haggard, thin, tired and powerless. Not to mention practicing, I didn’t even have the strength to speak, let alone

588 BC

Ancient India Magadha Kingdom South of Gaya City

Today is the seventh day of meditation.

Actually, I am only doing one thing these days - deleting. I know that I remember everything, whether it is my life in the world, or my ascetic practice during Zen, whether it is the truth that has been understood, or my doubts that have not been understood, I know that this is very important to me.

I came here with the help of a shepherd girl named Nanda Pola. If she hadn't provided me with chyme , I might have starved to death by the Nilianchan River. I had been practicing hard by the Nilianchan River for six years, eating only one hemp and one wheat every day. After unremitting efforts, I finally made myself look haggard, thin, tired and powerless. Not to mention practicing, I didn’t even have the strength to speak, let alone preaching to others. This way of practice was not helpful to attain enlightenment except for malnutrition. When I was about to understand this, I was already seriously hypoglycemia and fell on the shore as soon as I stood up. Fortunately, I accidentally encountered Nandapora, otherwise I would not have been able to walk under the Bodhi tree on the other side of the river.

Speaking of self-abuse, I remembered the practitioners I saw in the Ascetic Forest of Bajia Mountain next to the Nilianchan River when I first became a monk, who practiced in a way that abused the body, and there were many ways of practicing. Some are naked, regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter, allowing the wind and rain to be beaten and mosquitoes to bite; some hang themselves upside down on trees every day; some sleep on nail beds all year round; some do not speak all day long, and there is one of the most difficult things to understand. He raised his hands over his head for many years and persisted for forty-five years, resulting in necrosis of his arm muscles and joints. He was considered an -earth monk in the Ascetic Forest. I once asked him, "What is Tao?" He replied, "I don't know." Everyone nodded as if they were moved by the monk's cleverness. I was said to be confused. Does he mean "not knowing is the way" or does he really not know? In short, I use all kinds of strange behaviors to exercise my patience and achieve the purpose of abstinence. After only one day, I felt it was unreliable. Of course, at that time, I had not found any other way of practice, so I joined the ranks of their practice based on the principle of joining if I could not defeat it. I just used a slightly gentle method, just meditating and reducing food, but I didn’t want to watch juggling on the mountain every day, so I came to the bank of the Nilianchan River. Now it seems that this kind of behavior is more like being done for others to see, and cannot achieve self-spiritual liberation. Decisively delete it.

Why did I become a monk in the first place? Or why do I need to practice? Is it for the country? In order to become the wheel king who ruled the world? Or to end the mutual conquest between the nations and persuade the world not to give up their own and others' lives for their own selfishness? Or help the world escape the shackles of social classes and escape from the cycle of birth, old age, sickness and death, and tell them that no matter how wealth they get, they are nothing but external things?

Speaking of wealth and honor, I was quite rich before I became a monk.

My name was Godama Siddhartha . As a prince of the high caste, I originally wanted to inherit the throne of Kapirava . There are three palaces alone, some that keep the cold in winter, some that escape the heat in summer, and some that prevent moisture in the rainy season. Singing and dancing in the courtyard, dressing in a rich and beautiful place, enjoying the joy of the most. He also married the beautiful Princess Yasudra and had our son Rahula . Speaking of which, I would also like to thank Princess Yeshudra. If she hadn't convinced my father, I wouldn't have had the chance to go out of the city, and I wouldn't have been the same person as me now, but all of this has nothing to do with me. delete.

Finally, I thought of my father and mother. My father, , Sudon King , had a son when he was old and had me when he was fifty, so he had high hopes for me and has not given up on the idea of ​​letting me inherit the throne. My mother died seven days after I was born. Thinking of this, I still felt a little sad, but immediately this last feeling was removed and deleted by me.

has nothing to delete anymore.

In fact, on the first day, all these things were deleted, and I thought the job was done.But from the next day, I suddenly realized something was wrong. There was always something in my heart. I knew it was there, but I couldn't catch it no matter how I did.

I scanned my brain over and over again and made sure there was nothing. But outside of "visit", I always feel like something like a shadow. Whenever I go looking for it, it always lingers outside my sight. I can feel it, but I can't see it.

This is really driving me crazy, I don't know what to do.

I felt a little irritated, so I opened my eyes. Like every morning, the rising sun gently caresses everything in the world. People start the day quietly. The man takes the broom and cleans the land in front of his house. The woman is preparing breakfast. The old man prays devoutly towards the shrine. The child is staring at a flower that has just bloomed. The dew hangs on the tip of the grass, and it is still dripping, refracting the sun's light like jewelry.

Everything in front of me can no longer cause any turmoil in my heart, but I am inexplicably irritated. I feel that if I continue like this today, all my practice will fail. As soon as this thought appeared, it kept entangled in my heart. The more I wanted to calm down, the more I cared about it. It felt like a storm was blew in my heart, and my consciousness was constantly tearing.

But to outsiders, I just sat here quietly, just like I did seven days ago.

At this time, a woman passed by my eyes with a child. The children were all curious. She first stared at me for a while, saw me motionless, and pointed at me and asked the woman next to me: "Mother, what is that person doing while sitting under the tree?"

"That person..."

These three words "

lightly penetrated into my ears, and then condensed into a dot in my heart. My heart, which had already been like a flood, suddenly became silent. Then, the point suddenly flashed like life, and then began to explode. Then the explosion was getting faster and faster. In an instant, another universe emerged in my heart.

I can't catch it, and what I can't forget is myself.

No self, everything is me.

The truth comes as scheduled.

Tathagata ! ①

①We usually call the founder of Buddhism, Gautama Siddhartha, " Tathagata Buddha ", also called Sakyamuni, because Gautama Siddhartha was originally a Sakyamuni Sect in India, and Mani is the name for monks.

and Tathagata Buddha and Tathagata Buddha are completely different.

The noun "ru" is translated from Sanskrit (tathāgata). "Ru" means: "True nature, that is, the truth of all dharmas (things), is the truth." "Come" means bringing, "Buddha" is the abbreviation of "Buddha", and "Zu" means the founder. Therefore, "Tathagata Buddha" refers to a saint who masters the truth and saves all sentient beings, and "Tathagata Buddha" is Shakyamuni.