What "bad problems" do you think your child has?
1-year-old children refuse to eat after eating a few bites; 1-year-old children beat people when they get angry; 3-year-old children like to watch mobile phones; 4-year-old children are procrastinating in doing things; 6-year-old children like to play electronic games; ...
Many parents want to get rid of their children's "bad habits" are:
directly stop: can't watch TV anymore; inform the harm: always watching TV will lead to myopia; if the child does not pay attention to it, exaggerate the harm: watching TV again, your eyes will be blind! ! ! If you don’t work, use punishment measures: If you watch TV for more than 1 hour today, you will be punished not to eat snacks; ...
However, these methods often fail to work because there are two key steps that are ignored by parents.
Key steps 1: Analyze whether these behaviors of children are real bad habits.
When I was in the outpatient clinic, I often saw two situations that parents consider to be "bad problems":
1. Normal performance in this age group, but the family expects too high for a long time;
2. The child's ability is immature, and he can't do it for the time being. If we treat these two situations as bad habits, we will not only make things difficult for the child, but also backfire.
For example, many 1-year-old children refuse to eat after eating a few bites. This is very common. One of the reasons is that children of this age often have more interest in playing than they are interested in eating. They don’t want to eat until they are not hungry, and cannot finish the “standard” amount of meals like they have been at home for a long time.
If you regard this behavior as a bad habit, criticize your child for food and tell your child that there will be rewards or punishments after eating it, it will often have little effect. The appropriate method is:
s a small amount of multiple meals
If the child clearly expresses his unwillingness to continue eating, he does not have to "force" the amount of a certain meal. He can provide an extra meal once apart 2-3 hours to ensure nutritional intake.
give children more opportunities to eat independently
just passively accept food. Children will be bored and have no interest, or ask to play with toys and watch videos. It is better to let the children do it by themselves, start by picking up food and learn to eat independently, and increase their concentration and interest in eating.
1. It is always a bad habit for that 1-year-old child to like to beat people, right?
is not true.
This is a common manifestation of this age group, and it is related to children's immature ability to think from the perspective of others and their lack of understanding of the rules.
So, if the child criticizes him severely after he hits someone, or hits him in a small hand, the effect is not good. What we need to do is to first understand the abilities and characteristics of children of different ages, demonstrate and guide appropriate rules.
2. Do 4-year-old children always like to procrastinate?
No need to say, you may have guessed it, This is also a normal manifestation of children of this age. may be related to inattention and immature execution ability. The solution is to help the child prepare in advance based on his or her age and ability characteristics, or to make gentle reminders. If necessary, let the child experience the result of the delay.
3. It is always a bad habit for the child to be addicted to playing mobile phones and video games, right?
is indeed, and punishments and preaching are often not effective. In fact, another key step to get rid of bad habits is to "do it the opposite way": think about whether this bad habit is beneficial?
Key steps 2: Think about whether this bad habit is beneficial?
Nothing good is done at all, but no one will do, , so there are few bad habits that are completely "harmful but no benefit". People who stay up late to watch sweet doll shows use "artificial saccharin" to feel a little sweet; people who procrastinate get a moment of relaxation in the moment of procrastination... In the era of full food and clothing, you should not often see people who eat tree bark, but in the era of famine, many people will eat tree bark. Because the current benefit of eating tree bark is that people will not starve to death immediately. Why don’t people eat tree bark? Give him a steamed bun.
A key step to get rid of bad habits is: we need to find what benefits people have gained from this bad habit and find a suitable alternative.
For example, people who stay up late to watch TV shows find the real sweetness in life; people who procrastinate tell themselves that they can relax after working for half an hour... If the benefits brought by these bad habits are not reasonably replaced, the attempt to correct them will often make people painful and entangled.
But what benefits can children be attracted to playing mobile phones and video games?
Children have fun playing with their mobile phones and pass the boring time. During the outpatient clinic, parents will also say: as long as children go out to play and have playmates, they won’t always have to check their phones.
Sometimes when I was having a meal in a restaurant, I saw parents with children playing with their children while playing with their phones so that they could stay quietly in the restaurant while complaining that their children had been playing with their phones for too long. To solve this problem, requires parents to think of several games suitable for playing in restaurants to pass the boring time when waiting for meals.
In addition, we have rich and high-quality activities with our children since childhood, so that they can feel the fun of playing and the joy of being with their companions, and it is even less likely to indulge in mobile phones when they grow up. The earlier you start this, the more effective it is.
In addition to passing the time, older children can also escape reality and feel the value of success and themselves in the virtual world.
Sometimes parents will use words to stimulate their children not to play games, such as "You see how bad your grades are, and you still play games all day long. Are you planning to stop studying in the future? Then what else can you do?", "Besides playing games well, which course can you achieve excellent results?"...
But such nagging often does not make children wake up, but feels that reality is bleak and wants to escape from the game.
If you find it difficult to judge whether the behavior of your child causing you a headache is a real bad habit, or knowing that the child has some unreasonable behavior but cannot find a suitable way to change it, can discuss with doctors or consult with professionals in child psychology when doing child health care. is also welcome to leave a message in the message area to interact with everyone to discuss.
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