Hello everyone, I am Honghong~
There is a naughty little "lying" in the family
Once, my colleague Xiao Li said very angry that her 5-year-old daughter Duoduo actually learned to lie. It was clearly she who broke the teacup by mistake. When she asked her, she insisted that it was the kitten that broke it.
Another time, the child accidentally applied the paint on his sleeve while drawing, and even the teacher said that she made it herself. Unexpectedly, she not only refused to admit it, but also said that it was wiped by other children.
Xiao Li said that in order to help the child correct the bad habit of lying, she taught and scolded her, but the child showed no sign of correcting her. She agreed to do it well in person. When she turned around, she made a mistake again. She was still very aggrieved and looked very wronged. I really don’t know what to do?
Can you really only use stick education?
In fact, in daily life, we will also encounter situations where what children say and what they do, especially when the facts are really unfavorable to us, and what children say may be significantly different from what parents know.
Some parents are anxious and afraid that their children will make mistakes. Therefore, they are strict with their children and like to dig into the bottom of their small things. If they encounter situations like their children "lie", parents will be more likely to be irritable and angry.
However, sometimes, the "lying" behavior of children that adults think may not be lying to children. The stronger the parents' reaction, the greater the possibility of the children committing it again. Why is this happening?
It is not scary for children to lie, but parents don’t understand it
In general, the reasons why preschool children “lie” are mainly in the following aspects:
Can’t tell the reality and imagination
Piaget Cognitive development theory divides individual cognitive development into 4 stages, among which preschool children aged 2-7 are in the pre-operation stage.
This stage of children are in the "self-centered" stage, their thinking style is mainly based on 's concrete thinking, and abstract thinking begins to sprout . Imagination has the following characteristics: unintentional imagination dominates, intentional imagination gradually develops; recreational imagination dominates, and creation imagination begins to sprout; imagination is exaggerated .
These characteristics determine that children cannot distinguish between reality and imagination , and children at this stage are curious about everything and are working hard to develop their imagination. Therefore, it is inevitable that the child will have deviations when expressing what he has experienced, and it is not that he really wants to "lie".
Fear of being punished
Sometimes, children "lie" is actually to escape punishment, because the price of pays to tell the truth is far greater than the price of telling lies . Such a situation is more likely to occur in parents with bad tempers and strong reactions.
Moreover, the child is the smartest creature, and he will choose the most beneficial way for him in the shortest time based on the parents' reactions.
For example, when a child accidentally breaks a cup, and the child may be punished by the irritable parents, and suffers accusations and punishes from the parents; however, when he replaces the responsible person with someone else, he can perfectly avoid these punishments.
Honghong's colleague once said that children at home have bad behavioral habits and always like to pile fruit peels and paper scraps on coffee tables or place them on dining tables and . Anyway, they don't throw them away the trash can, and they won't change no matter what their family members say.
Later, my colleagues gave the child a serious lesson, and since then, the garbage never appeared on the coffee table and table again. The family thought the child had improved and was very happy.
As a result, when my colleague was cleaning, he swept out a lot of moldy fruit peels and paper scraps from the bottom of the sofa and the coffee table, which made him so angry.
Expression ability and real thoughts are biased
0 children's language development is also characterized by stages: in the pre-language stage of
0-1 years old, children begin to learn pronunciation and speak simple repetition;
1-3 years old is the stage of speech occurrence, children begin to understand language and learn to speak actively;
3-6 and 7 years old are the stage when children basically master language. Although children at this stage can say a lot, due to various reasons such as the child's personality, family environment, and other reasons, children's words may not be able to accurately express reality and their own ideas, and family members also need to use their imagination to understand.
There is a way to solve the problem of "lying" for children
Although children "lying" has something to say, you can't blame the child all, and it may not cause much harm. However, if you let it go, as you get older, some of the children's habits will become larger and more difficult to correct them.
Instead of trying hard to get into it at that time, it is better to start from an early age. You might as well try a few methods:
is worse than being tempted and harsh
The growth process of a child is actually a process of continuous correction. When a child experiences "lying" behavior, parents must not be harsh, because parents' excessive reactions will first scare the child, cause psychological trauma to the child, and destroy the child's sense of security; secondly, it will form negatively strengthen for the child's behavior. When the same situation occurs in the future, the child will do more hidden and less likely to discover, laying greater hidden dangers.
Moreover, when the child wants to attract parents' attention in the future or wants to avoid punishment, the child is more likely to use the "lying" method, which is not helpful in correcting the deviation.
The best way is to guide children through guidance and use guiding language and problems to guide children to express their true thoughts and processes. Parents will assist them from the side, which will solve the current problems and improve children's expression ability.
Set an example and subtly
Parents are the first teachers of their children and the first person for their children to learn and contact the outside world. Many of the ways and behavioral habits that children learn are obtained from parents.
Similarly, the child is a copy of the parents. If the child’s behavior is biased, the parents must reflect on themselves and find the reasons from themselves to see if they have set a bad example for their children when they are unconsciously.
Take Honghong's colleague as an example. She finally realized that the child's father loved to be lazy and always liked to pile up fruit peels and paper scraps on the coffee table and clean up after eating. However, the child did not have the awareness of cleaning up, so he was finished after throwing it away.
As a result, the child learns with it, and the child is the child himself who is punished in the end, so the child learns to hide the garbage quietly and “lie” to avoid punishment.
believe that children
family members are the main source of children's sense of security. Sometimes, a word from parents is better than a thousand words. As the person closest to the child, the family must give the child enough trust. Believe that the child is just a temporary step and gives enough trust and guidance. The child will definitely get better and the "lying" behavior will also change.
#2022 Parenting Season# #Training Children for Eleven# #Children's Firm#
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