Today we will continue to share with you the fourth type of mother - mothers who treat their children unfairly.
This type of mother can be said to be very common in our lives.
This happens to many families, that is, the love of mothers is unfair.
I think many people have felt this way before.
A friend of mine often shows a kind of words and deeds of "life is boring" and "live is boring" when chatting with us.
Later, everyone gradually realized that this was because her mother treated them completely differently.
My friend is the eldest, and my mother has different requirements from her younger brothers and sisters since she was a child.
For example, when she asks her mother for something, she will think, "Why are you doing so much?" "But as long as the younger brother and sister make a request, the mother will agree happily."
My friend said that he didn’t understand when he was a child, why did his mother treat herself differently from her younger brother and sister?
Why can younger brothers and sisters act coquettishly in front of their mothers, but she can’t?
Every time she tries to act coquettishly to her mother, will her mother think how old you are still like this?
My friend said that every time she saw her younger brother and sister and mother together, she was envious, jealous and puzzled by the warm scene of mother-son interaction, "Am I not my mother's biological child?"
Another thing is that after her friend graduated and started working, she also had to pay her salary to her mother, to give her younger brothers and sisters living expenses, to buy clothes and books for her younger brothers and sisters, to buy study materials, etc.
But when my younger brother and sister started working and got a salary, my mother told him that they would spend whatever they want and we couldn't control the money they earned.
My friend was very angry. She didn't understand why her mother treated her like this, and she still didn't understand it until now.
So I felt that life was boring, and humans in their thirties refused to get married. She felt that life was boring. If she had children, it would be so painful if she was the same as her.
I think many families will have this situation, and they have become "family victims" without realizing it.
So what is a "family victim"?
"Family victim" is a concept in psychology.
The concept of "family victim" originates from the fact that when conflicts arise in the family, parents regard one of the family members as victims in order to stabilize the structure of family relations.
The concept of "family victim" originated from the conflict between husband and wife. Parents transfer their anxiety, especially mothers, to a child in the family, to ease the tension in the relationship between husband and wife.
That day I asked my friend, did you have a good relationship with your parents when you were a child?
She replied to me that it is really like this. My parents have always had bad relationships, and they have been like this until now. I told him about the concept of a victim of family. After hearing this, my friend cried and said, "It turns out that I am a victim of our family, I am a victim of a family."
"Family victim" is the main reason why mothers treat their children differently.
Generally speaking, when there is a conflict between parents, mothers will subconsciously transfer this anxiety to their children, trying to alleviate the conflict between husband and wife and divert the pressure between husband and wife by shaping the image of a "problem child".
Some people say that those children who are chosen by their mothers as victims of their families are really pitiful. Will the children who are favored by their mothers be happy?
In fact, parents' preference is a kind of harm to every child.
The pampered child cannot complete normal differentiation with his parents, and he still has his emotions entangled with his parents when he grows up.
For example, some parents will place their unfulfilled wishes on the child they are favored, becoming a substitute for their parents' dreams or the executor loses themselves. The child who is ignored is deeply hurt because he has not received the care of his parents since he was a child.
Even after they have grown up, their interpersonal relationships and family life have been affected to varying degrees, and they even live with pain throughout their lives.
can be seen from some characters in film and television dramas, such as Su Mingcheng who cannot differentiate well with his parents, the ignored Su Mingyu and Fan Shengmei, and Zhou Bingkun in "The World", pursued his parents' recognition throughout his life.
The love parents give to their children must reflect the principle of fairness.
The concept of equality formed by children in their native families has a profound impact on children.
Children treated differently by parents will affect the establishment of relationships and attitudes between children and others in social life.
Most of them dare not express their demands at work, and they often show disconfidence at work.
Even though my abilities are outstanding, I have not received recognition from my parents since I was a child, so I feel extremely inferior in my heart. I always think that I am not good at it and that my abilities are not enough to do this.
Some people dare not express their demands and true thoughts when they are unfairly treated by their leaders.
Only when a person establishes equal feelings can he respect others in social life and establish good relationships with others.
Children who are not cared for by their parents are more likely to form anxious attachment personality after adulthood. They often become prophets of their misfortune in their lives. When doing something, they often deny themselves in their hearts, thinking that they are not good at doing well and are not successful and not excellent enough, which ultimately leads to a de facto result due to psychology.
The children who are favored tend to be worse than children who lack the care of their parents.
When children live with their parents' unfulfilled wishes, they often lose themselves and live in the shadow of their parents.
So those children who have been extremely favored by their parents are actually victims of the family chosen by their parents. They are always pushed forward by their parents during their growth. They cannot see their needs, cannot judge what they want, and may even lose the direction of their lives.
Therefore, the children who are favored by their parents and children who are not cared for by their parents are also victims.
So parents’ unfair love is an unhealthy love that will hurt all children.
Follow me and learn to be a smart parent together!
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