What would you do if your child threatens his parents by "not eating" at all times?
. Colleague Xiao Li was worried about the child’s meal, and he had a lot of conflict with his family.
The thing is like this: Xiao Li's child is 3 years old. He eats hard every day and waits for the teacher to feed him. Every time he picks up and drops off the child, the teacher will give him a message: exercise the child's self-care ability.
may be the clues of excessive care from the family, or perhaps it is because the child becomes smarter as he gets older. In short, when he was a child, he only waited for people to feed him. Now he learned to use food to threaten his parents: if he didn't buy toys, he wouldn't eat; if he didn't let him watch TV, he wouldn't eat...
On this day, the child used the same trick again, and Xiao Li finally got angry: "If he didn't want to eat, he was not allowed to watch TV!" Now, he poked the hornet's nest, and the child cried and made a fuss, rolled around the ground, and his family also blamed Xiao Li for being incompetent and not coaxing the child.
Xiao Li was full of grievances and had nowhere to say. He thought his colleagues could understand it, but he didn't know that as soon as the words were put into the ground, everyone said that Xiao Li did something wrong, especially those in the two kindergarten teachers majoring. He even said that Xiao Li did something wrong and needed to be corrected.
"Not watching TV if you don't eat" is not a common saying to punish children? What got it wrong? Xiao Li couldn't understand it.
Direct consequences and indirect consequences
In the process of raising children, we sometimes use punishment, which is no problem, but it is very knowledgeable to use direct consequences or indirect consequences.
Direct consequences
Take eating as an example: families usually eat at 6 o'clock and finish the meal in about half an hour. When a child refuses to eat well at meal time and threatens his parents that he will not eat if he doesn’t let me watch TV, and he will not eat if he doesn’t buy me new toys, the best answer is: If he doesn’t eat, he will be hungry.
and, parents expressed their punishment for their children with practical actions: pack up the dishes when it comes, throw them away, throw them over, and pour them over. In short, the child missed this meal.
In addition, parents strictly abide by natural results: does not eat - is hungry, even if the child cries, he will give at most comfort: it is really uncomfortable to be hungry, so eat the next meal. Apart from that, unmoved.
Children bear the direct consequences of their own behavior, which is also a natural consequence. They have a new understanding of the rules, have a concept of cause and effect, and have a judgment and estimate their future behavior. They will not easily make the same mistakes in the future, and can also promote the growth of their minds.
Indirect consequences
In life, the most common one is indirect consequences, also known as negative consequences.
Take eating as an example. When the child is yelling that he refuses to eat, if the parent says that if he doesn’t eat, he is not allowed to watch TV, and if he doesn’t eat, he will not buy new toys. The child’s heart is actually chaotic. He cannot understand the relationship between eating and buying toys and watching TV, and the causal relationship is unclear.
Perhaps, children will choose to compromise in a short time to achieve a certain goal. However, as this continues, children will not only not become obedient, but will instead learn to deceive parents and become more good at lying.
children who are always punished by indirect consequences have deviations in their understanding of causality. What they are more afraid of is not being punished, but the sudden change of face of parents before punishment.
children who are punished by indirect consequences will have worse psychological tolerance, more sensitive to external changes, and a sense of security is easily lost, and parent-child relationships are often more tense.
When the child threatens "not eating", the parents' reaction should not be too violent:
On the one hand, we should be happy, because this means that the child's cognition has reached a new level, and saying "no" to dissatisfied things is a big leap in the child's cognitive level;
On the other hand, we should also realize that this is a very good opportunity, which shows that in communicating with children, new methods need to be used to guide children. The guidance method is mainly divided into the following steps:
First of all, affirm the current emotional experience of the child.
When a child says "no", no matter whether the child is unhappy or simply threatens, this is a new emotional experience that the child has generated at the moment. Parents should not rush to suppress it, but should affirm and face up to their children's emotions, and encourage their children to say it in guiding, expressive and open words:
Do you feel a little unhappy? Do you want to give it a try on your own?
If possible, you can try to provide children with more adjectives and verbs. When a child can calm down in anger, angry, etc., and describe his emotional experience in a complete and accurate manner, the child's growth is not only the language ability, but also the ability to control emotions and the ability to analyze rationally.
Children with this ability can calm down even if they encounter great difficulties, and will not be controlled by emotions and can find the optimal solution.
Secondly, explaining the causal relationship.
"You broke your mother's favorite cup, so I won't buy you toys." "You didn't have a good meal, so you are not allowed to watch cartoons." These words seem to have a clear causal relationship, but in fact, parents can't explain the relationship network inside, and the child cannot understand it at all. He doesn't know why breaking a cup has a relationship with buying toys, and he doesn't understand why eating well is related to watching cartoons.
Therefore, when explaining to the child, you should choose a method that can produce natural consequences: break the cup and drink water without the cup; if you don’t eat well, you will go hungry.
Only when children understand the direct cause and effect relationship can children understand their parents' moods, empathize with others' emotions, and family and parent-child relationships will be more harmonious.
Again, expressing sympathy.
When a child suffers natural consequences, such as: not eating - being hungry, throwing shoes around - not finding shoes - not wearing shoes, parents should take this opportunity to express sympathy to their children: It's so pitiful to be hungry, there's nothing to do, eat a few more bites next time; it's so pitiful to wear shoes, and you have to clean up your shoes next time.
expresses sympathy for the child's experience. On the one hand, it can bring the parent-child relationship closer, and on the other hand, it can further correct the child's behavioral habits, so that the child will be impressed and will not make the same mistake next time.
raising a child is like leading a snail to travel, and yelling may urge him to make a big stride in a short time. However, children's travel is a marathon and requires constant walking. The most appropriate thing is to follow the child's steps and move forward steadily, allowing him to see the natural flowers bloom and fall, and grasp the child's psychological characteristics. The best way is to do it.
#0-6-year-old parenting season four# # Parenting firm# # Children grow taller and eat like this#
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