We often say that children’s growth is irreversible, and if you miss it, you will never come back.
As a parent, when is the best time to educate your children?
Professor Li Meijin of China Public Security University once said:
"Before the age of twelve, it is an important period for children to develop their character and conduct.
The results thereafter are the seeds planted by early education."
In other words, after the age of 12, When children have problems, the root cause is problems with their parents’ education methods before the age of 12.
Just as Dr. Montessori said: "Everything we do to children will bear fruit, not only affecting his life, but also determining his life."
No matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for educating his children. The shortcomings of failure.
The laziness of parents in their children will be reflected in their children one by one.
makes you regretful but unable to recover.
Therefore, before the child is 12 years old, parents must "force" their children to develop these three abilities to benefit them throughout their lives.
The first ability:
Independence, the greatest soft power of growth
I once saw this sentence on the Internet, and I was deeply touched, "If you can't support me all my life, why have you been so pampered to me since I was a child?"
Parents refused to quit. A child's life will make the child never grow up.
If children want to be independent, parents must withdraw in time. This is a compulsory course for all parents.
Parents who can take the initiative to withdraw from their children's lives have given thousands of times more affection than caring for their children.
Someone once conducted a survey and found that the first batch of post-00s who left their parents generally had the problem of "being unable to take care of themselves."
Self-care ability seems simple, but in fact it has a huge impact on children’s growth.
Parents who love their children must plan for the long term. A child will eventually leave his parents one day, and he will eventually have to make his way into the world on his own.
Do you hope that he will be cared for like a flower in a greenhouse, unable to withstand the baptism of wind and frost outside?
Or do you hope that he can survive independently and be able to deal with any problems calmly?
As parents, we have two tasks that we must do well:
First, accompanies the child to grow and establish a close parent-child relationship; Second, teaches the child to take care of himself and promotes his independent growth.
Dr. Montessori said:
"The highest goal of educating children is to make them independent, no matter mentally or materially, they do not need to rely on their parents and are responsible for their own thoughts and actions."
Before the child is 12 years old, he must be allowed to develop independent self-care abilities.
cannot only care about his studies. No matter how good his academic performance is, if he does not have the ability to take care of himself and the basic ability to live independently, he will eventually be eliminated by society.
If the previous love was love for the sake of love, then the current love is love for the sake of leaving.
It is precisely so that children can still live a good life after leaving themselves, so parents should actively withdraw from their lives.
Children must be encouraged to complete things they can do on their own. It is better to let the child do it once than to do it a thousand times.
I forget it after listening to it, remember it after reading it, and understand it after doing it.
The second ability:
Resistance to frustration, the trump card of life
When educating children, many people have such a misunderstanding:
has always encouraged children to score 100 points in exams and get first place. We always teach children to succeed, but it is very difficult. Less teaching children how to deal with failure.
In the eyes of many parents, they only see the joy when their children succeed, but ignore the feelings of their children when they face failure.
"It's okay, just do well next time!", "Take the first place next time", whether it's chicken blood or chicken soup for the soul, adults don't care about children's psychological endurance when facing setbacks.
Long Yingtai said: "We worked hard to learn how to sprint a hundred meters successfully, but no one taught us how to fall with dignity when you fall."
Parents ignore it again and again, and the "pimples" accumulated in the children's hearts "It will get bigger and bigger.
Children with poor mental endurance will always be at a loss and desperate, which will only cause endless sorrow in the end.
Professor Li Meijin said: Frustration training is very important for children’s character formation.
lacks resistance to frustration. When a child encounters a slight setback, he will become timid, withdraw, or even collapse, leading to an irreparable tragedy.
A 17-year-old boy in Shanghai, , was criticized for having conflicts with his classmates at school.
His mother drove him home and said a few words to him, but when he passed the Lupu Bridge, he took advantage of the pause in the car to open the door without hesitation, ran straight to the bridge, and jumped without looking back. Go down.
A 14-year-old girl ran away from home because of an quarrel with her family. She was in the rebellious stage and ran away on the national highway alone at night.
Fortunately, the police on duty found her in time, and after understanding the situation, she was sent home safely.
It is really urgent to cultivate children’s ability to resist setbacks!
Life can never be smooth sailing. The sooner children are allowed to experience setbacks and learn to regulate their emotions, the sooner children can accumulate a sense of normalcy in the face of failure.
There is a saying that the measure of a person's success is not the height at which he reaches the top, but his resilience when he falls to the bottom.
Resistance to frustration is the best gift parents can give their children, and it is also the source of their strength to make comebacks.
The third ability:
Obeying the rules, the best self-protection ability
As the age grows, children’s desire to explore continues to increase, and it is common for children to bump into each other.
What parents have to do is not to restrict their behavior, but to teach their children to abide by the rules. This is the best self-protection ability for their children.
For children, they must understand the rules and achieve the following two points: first, the awareness of obeying the rules, and the second, having a sense of boundaries.
1. Rule awareness
What are rules? Let your children understand what they can and cannot do.
There should be no behavior that harms oneself , disturbs others , damages the environment . What you say, say and do is in line with the common standards of group life.
For example, when crossing the road, running a red light, no matter how many times the teacher tells it, there are always some children who violate traffic rules after school.
Once you are accidentally hurt, whether serious or minor, you will feel distressed for a while, or even for a lifetime.
These are the harm caused by taking chances and violating the rules.
Only by teaching children to understand and abide by the rules can we ensure that they grow up healthily and happily.
Dr. Montessori said that freedom based on rules is true freedom.
You can give your children freedom, but it must be based on rules. If you are free and uninhibited, you are not raising your children free-range, but you are allowing them to grow "barbarically".
If you love your children, you must set rules for your children. If you don’t set rules for your children, no matter how good the education is, it will be useless.
2, Boundary awareness
When people get along with others, they only care about two things: their own affairs and other people's affairs.
This means that everyone will have certain boundaries when getting along with others.
It is important to teach children a sense of proportion and boundaries. There will be respective safety areas between people, people and things.
Once you cross the border without discretion, it will cause countless troubles.
Don’t think that just because you are close, you can be unscrupulous. Sometimes it is just an inadvertent sentence that makes the other person feel disgusted or even hurts the other person, causing the collapse of the intimate relationship.
Parents and children also need a certain sense of boundaries. If there is no sense of boundaries, it is easy for parents to go "offside" and take over or even replace things that their children should do by themselves.
This not only "infringes" on the child's independent growth space, but also affects the parent-child relationship between each other.
Psychology master Hellinger once said: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries."
What many families lack is often this sense of just the right boundaries with their children.
Parents pay too much attention to their children, do too much, and tire themselves out. In the end, they only impress themselves and delay their children.
Russian writer Bondarev said: "The root of all human suffering is the lack of a sense of boundaries."
Especially for children whose minds are not yet mature, the sense of boundaries is even more important.
Never underestimate the education of "sense of boundaries", because it is the root of whether a child will have a "harmonious and intimate relationship" in the future, and it is also the confidence for a child to dare to say "no".
Psychologist Sylvia said:
"All love in this world aims at gathering. There is only one kind of love that points to separation, and that is the love of parents for their children."
When children are young, all pressure is caused by The parents carry it, but the children will one day grow up and face life on their own.
If you really love your child, you must "force" him to develop these three abilities. This is the best education for your child.
*Daily Montessori: Montessori growth communication platform, a public account with content, depth and warmth.
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