Due to various subjective and objective factors, I had to quit my job after giving birth and became a full-time mother at home. With a strong self-esteem, I began to live a life where I either revolve around my children or my husband all day long.
To be honest, at the beginning, when I was alone with my child, I was heartbroken. The child was fussy during the day and at night. In the more than a year after the child was born, I barely had a good night's sleep or a solid meal.
Sometimes the child is sick and can hardly sleep for several nights. Rapid aging, hair loss and physical disfigurement also come to join in the fun. I would often cry alone with my baby in my arms, and then ask myself, why should I?
Why create a child to cause trouble? How many times have I thought about leaving this world like this? This change is subversive to me:
01 I have no financial resources and feel that my family status has been lowered.
After giving birth to the child, my husband gave me a fixed living allowance every month, but I have such a strong self-esteem that I simply cannot stand the embarrassment of asking for money every month. Before
, I could buy whatever I wanted, including clothes and cosmetics, because it was money I earned.
After giving birth, I have to think long and hard about what I want to buy, because sometimes men don’t understand women’s consumption concepts. Although he has never complained about me, I have to say that I have lowered myself to a lower level in terms of family status.
In addition, the influence of traditional concepts has made my inferiority complex stronger and stronger. I didn’t even dare to chat with others, let alone meet my former colleagues and friends, for fear that they would ask about my work issues.
02 I am always on tenterhooks and feel that my energy is running low.
Since I had a child, no matter what I do, whether I go shopping or have a meal, it feels like someone is urging me from behind. The previous elegance and calmness have all disappeared.
Because I have a baby, I don’t pay much attention to the way I dress. Although I’m not unkempt, I can’t talk about being refined at all.
During the day, it seems that only for a moment when the baby is asleep, I feel relieved. I can't bear to waste even a minute of that pitiful time.
03 Rapid aging, hair loss, out of shape, and disparity between front and back are frustrating.
Various physical problems arise one after another due to changes in hormone levels, fatigue and lack of sleep.
I even refused to look in the mirror or anything that could reflect a human figure for a long time, because every time I saw my tired face and loveless eyes, my mood would immediately plummet. .
It seems that all skin care products and health care products have become IQ taxes. Problems such as aging and hair loss are like wolves and leopards, eating away at my body and spirit.
04 No one understands the bitterness, there is no real empathy at all.
The most painful thing is that no one understands it. There is really no so-called "empathy" in the world. How can a thin person understand the pain in a fat person's heart? I am becoming more and more taciturn. , and the attitude towards life is becoming more and more negative.
In this state, even if the child is my own, I still have hatred in my heart.
My husband often says that I have paid a lot for this family, but most of the time, no matter who does things, it is out of selfish desires. We seem to do what we do and what we pay for with a noble purpose, but if we trace the source, Our starting point is a little selfish.
If people can't die and don't want to live in pain, they must bottom out and rebound.
Before I had children, I didn’t understand the so-called sense of responsibility. It was enough for me to eat and drink enough and do my job well.
I don't have to answer to anyone, and I don't have to worry about anything.
But after giving birth to a child, fate imposed a heavy burden on me. I suddenly transitioned from an ignorant girl to a mother. This huge transformation also brought huge changes to my spiritual world. .
I am no longer as impulsive and willful as before, because I have a temporary "belonging" and there is no backup person to help me share the burden.No matter whether I am tired or not, whether I want to or not, I cannot escape my responsibilities. Before
, my life was quite comfortable. I clocked in to work on weekdays, checked my phone and went shopping on weekends.
But after I had a child, taking care of her became my job 24 hours a day, all year round. Seeing so much of my youth being wasted like this makes me crazy.
I am not a competent mother. For example, my child has had a bad spleen and stomach since birth. Her cries at night are a warning to me.
But I was blinded by resentment and never thought about countermeasures or how to alleviate the child's pain. In the end, her physical fitness was very poor and she also suffered from tics .
Finally, a year ago, I was almost desperate and began to seek changes. I began to read a lot of books and began to reflect on myself. Gradually, I understood a lot of truths.
Fate favors everyone. Pain is actually just fate warning you that it’s time to seek change. If we think about the problem from another angle, pain will become an opportunity for us to grow.
Will giving birth to a child really bring me a disaster that will “destroy the world”? It did make a difference, but it was by no means a disaster.
01 Attitude towards problems
If you don't solve it and just complain, then the problem will be an obstacle to your progress, and we will self-close the idea of solving the problem and let this problem become a problem forever.
But if you think that it is an opportunity given to you by fate, then you will try to open your mind, let yourself think about solutions, and finally find a way out and let yourself grow.
I discovered an error in my thinking model: taking care of children is not inconsistent with self-improvement and learning.
Maybe I don’t have much time in large chunks, but I have a lot of scattered time. The more time I squeeze out, the higher the utilization rate.
Every time before going to bed, even for a short while, I will take out a book and read a few sentences, instead of passively watching short videos on my phone to pass away this precious time. Gradually, the accumulation of books I read became quite impressive.
02 Self-salvation
I exercise passively and don’t pay attention to my diet at all. In fact, passive giving is also giving, so why don’t I proactively find more targeted sports to solve my problems?
Then I also had a real understanding of the sentence in "Meditation":
"Even if we do not take direct actions to realize our ideas, just an idea or thought in your mind is a kind of energy. It will attract and create corresponding forms on the physical level” .
just wants to solve it and make changes, and life will really change.
Because after we have an idea, we will pay special attention to things related to the idea. As long as we go in that direction, no matter how small or slow the pace is, we will definitely be getting closer and closer to the goal.
03 Children's health
In fact, the health of people around me is not particularly good, including myself.
But before I had children, I felt everything was still within acceptable limits. But now children get sick every three days, and both children and adults suffer, and good medical resources are concentrated in big cities. In a small place like ours, meeting a reliable doctor is like winning the lottery. In the end, the money was spent and the medicine was taken, but the disease was not cured at all.
Only then did I remember the public account of "Da Lun Parenting" that I had been following for a long time. I had never wanted to study it carefully before because of the various complicated meridians and meridians, which gave me a headache just looking at it. Really, if does not proactively solve the problem, the problem will not disappear on its own.
I began to patiently learn pediatric massage, and was deeply touched by a sentence: "It is unkind for parents not to understand medicine, and it is unfilial for children not to understand medicine."
In fact, in recent years, children have often been given antibiotics because of colds and fevers . I know that this kind of medicine only pushes the pathogenic factors into the body, rather than truly solving the pain, but I can't think of any solution.
Now, although I am not up to the professional level, the child's condition has improved based on the doctor's diagnosis and my own massage.
So, I want to thank her for coming and making me grow and mature.
If the birth of a child had not "disrupted" everything for me, my life philosophy would not have undergone such a earth-shaking change, and I would not have thought of ways to make changes - accept the reality instead of escaping to envy the freedom of others. life;
People who really want to change are looking for ways, not excuses and reasons., just like a person who wants a good figure, if others give a hundred suggestions, he can find a thousand reasons to reject it.
Of course, patience is crucial in this process, because any valuable method must be "tailor-made", that is, it is not just used by everyone who comes, but it is researched in many aspects and then targeted. make a choice.
Finally, I hope that my self-analysis can give a little help to people who have the same troubles as me, so that we can get rid of psychological barriers and grow together.
