"The Shackles of Life" writes: "Only the love of parents licking a calf can be regarded as a truly selfless relationship."
When we were young, we always felt that parents could satisfy any wish. If there were any troubles, they could definitely solve them for themselves as long as they came forward, as if they had three heads and six arms.
During the process of growing up, parents always give their children the greatest support, so whether you are rushing for your dreams, with wind and rain, or lonely nights, don’t be afraid to look back, your family is behind you, catching the warm light.
However, as we grow up, we find that our parents are slowly leaving. They are no longer responding to everything and satisfying everything to us.
used to dislike their parents being too nagging, but as they get married and start a career, they talk less and less. Sometimes they even feel their "indifferentness", as if they push their children out of the house, and the responsibilities are all over.
Why do you realize that your parents are more "indifferent" as you grow up? Maybe you don’t understand the good intentions of your parents.
When a child learns to ride a bicycle, parents will hold it behind the bicycle at first, and then hold it one by one until it stops helping it. This car has been learned. The growth of a child is like learning to ride a bicycle, from helping to letting go, until he rides to the distance.
Some people say that parents get more affectionate as they get older. In fact, many times, the so-called affectionate is actually more affectionate.
01 The "indifference" of parents is to give you more choices
There is a classic line in "Three Idiots Make a Fight for Bollywood": Why did parents help us decide what we should do when we grow up from birth, but no one has ever asked what we really want to do.
Many times, parents always plan everything for their children under the banner of love, but they don’t know that the more detailed the love of parents is, the more likely it is to make children lose themselves. Indifferent parents will easily raise more independent children.
Once a psychologist went to a middle school to investigate the autonomy of middle school students. There were 150 students surveyed. The psychologist asked them: "I encountered difficulties in life and study, but I couldn't solve them for a while. What should you do?"
However, shockingly, these 150 students said the same answer: "If you have difficulties, please ask your parents to solve them."
Later, when psychologists asked them what ideals or careers they planned to pursue in the future, about 70% of the students answered: "You have to go home and ask your parents to know."
Parents cannot accompany us for a lifetime. Many things still have to make their own choices after all. Only by learning how to make choices can you form your own sense of autonomy and know whether your choice is right or wrong.
Therefore, the appropriate indifference and letting go of parents can actually make the children grow up more quickly. No matter how outstanding a child is, it is difficult for him to live happily and freely.
There is a friend who is almost 30 years old. She said that she dare not let her mother notice any bad emotions, and she dare not let her mother know any ideas.
Once she just ran on the street at around 9 o'clock in the evening and took a photo of a night view uploaded. When my mother found out, she called and repeatedly asked her to go home quickly. In order to let her listen to her, her mother even sent her a bunch of news and pictures of a girl running around at night.
Now, she posts on WeChat Moments and often blocks her mother and doesn’t communicate with her mother if she has any worries.
She wants her mother not to worry about herself so much and not to be so nervous. But, this is very difficult, my mother just can't relax. She felt guilty for not being able to meet her mother's requirements, and because her mother always has to point fingers at everything she does.
The famous educator and child psychologist Sun Ruixue said: "If we know how to love children, we must let go appropriately and let the children become themselves."
When you let go, it is the moment for children to explore themselves and grow themselves. We must always pay attention to whether the child is growing according to "my" wishes or his own wishes.
Parents’ love for their children is understandable, but birth, old age, sickness and death are natural laws, and parents cannot always accompany their children to live long. Wanting your children to live a happy future is not to deprive their children of their autonomy in the name of love, nor to design a "reliable" path for their children according to their own wishes, so that they can only follow this path and take action to "correct" if there is any mistake.
Let go is the best love that parents love their children.
02 Parents' "indifference" is to help you better withstand the wind and rain
documentary " The Fox Story ", with a score of 8.7 on Douban:
It tells the story of a pair of foxes. After the fox mother became pregnant, the fox father was foraging alone without fear. He was bitten by a group of wolves and was covered in bruises, but he still dragged back the food with pain and insisted on foraging and endured through the long period of snowy disaster.
In spring, the fox mother gave birth to five cute little foxes. The little fox grew up gradually under the careful care of his mother and father. On the morning of early autumn, the fox's parents led the children to the depths of the grassland as usual.
stopped in a place with lush grass and streams. The fox parents circled the children twice, and then ran to the distance without looking back...
They cruelly "throwed" their children on the unpredictable grassland, but they had already taught their survival skills to the little foxes.
Love children and protect them is the instinct of all animals. But parents' excessive protection makes children not suffer at all. When children face the world independently, they will eat a bowl of "bitter fruit".
In the TV series " is good, ", Su Mu is taking care of Su Mingcheng . Su Mingcheng and Zhu Li are in love, and Su Mo uses all his savings to decorate the house to support Su Mingcheng's storefront; Su Mo subsidizes Su Mingcheng, who already has a salary every month, and supports him and Zhu Li in love; Su Mingcheng is time to get married, and Su Mo uses all his savings to pay the down payment, and even puts the original two-bedroom apartment of the Su family. Change it to a one-bedroom apartment, and the difference in price subsidies for Mingcheng to decorate the wedding house; after Su Ming got married, Su's mother even served him and Zhu Li with delicious food and drink, and came to the door to clean the house from time to time...
From small clothes and food to big things to getting married and buying a house, Su's mother almost handled it alone, but the result was that after Su's mother passed away, Su Mingcheng's life became a mess, because his mother gave too much, and he had almost no ability to resist the wind and rain.
Psychological Therapy Master M·Scott Parker once said: "For growing children, the most important thing parents should give is love. The purpose of love is to help children establish an independent personality, rather than to make their personality dependent on their parents; the ultimate goal of love is not to become the center of children's life, but to gradually withdraw from the focus of children's life and let children go their own way."
If you can take care of your children for the rest of your life, I believe many parents will be happy. But in fact, there is really not much time for parents to spend with their children all the time.
The deepest love that parents have for their children is not to take care of them for the rest of their lives. Instead, let him be independent as an independent individual of life as soon as possible. Parents’ “indifferent” can make their children
03 Parents’ “indifferent” are to reduce your worries
Someone on Zhihu discusses why parents become more and more indifferent as they get older, and they don’t even want to go out to send me off?
There is a highly praised answer: "Parents are not rude, they dare not watch you leave, so they deliberately pretend to be lazy and rude."
Behind the rude love of parents, they are actually hidden their deepest love. Many times we dare not unveil the veil and look inside, because in addition to the sun, we cannot look directly at our parents' love for us.
As we grow up slowly, as our world grows bigger and bigger, we find that the parents can give us less and less. They begin to become cautious, for fear that a word is wrong, or that what they say is too a layman will cause their children to be impatient, and gradually become taciturn.
I don’t know when, but my parents become timid, worried about disturbing our lives, afraid of causing boredom to us, and complaining infinitely. They do all their own things by themselves, and even if they die of illness, they are unwilling to cause trouble for you.
A netizen said that once, she was the one who called her parents with confidence: "I have no money, give me some money."
And then one day, my father suddenly called her, hesitated for a long time, and asked carefully: "Do you have money? Can you lend me a little?"
I don't know when, my parents are no longer the omnipotent superman. They also have something they don’t know and don’t understand. They begin to rely on you subconsciously, but are cautious, afraid that you will be unhappy.
We are complaining about our parents' indifference, but we don't know that Parents are disturbing us less and less, not because of indifference, but because of fear of dragging us down and worrying about us.
04 The deepest love that parents give their children is to let go
Yu Dan said this: "All love in this world is for the purpose of aggregation, and there is only one kind of love for separation, that is the love of parents for their children. The true love of parents is to let the children separate from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible. The earlier this separation, the more successful you will be."
In other words, there is a kind of love called letting go. Parents who don't let go cannot raise promising children. The "indifferent" of parents is actually a far-sighted vision, while the parents love their children and make far-reaching plans. The affectionate parents often have a big picture.
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