do you believe it? People are born lonely.
It is precisely because the essence of human beings is lonely that we yearn for some relationship with the outside world.
For example: love, friendship, family. Only when we have a relationship with
can we establish an "emotional connection" with the outside world.
We long to be understood by the outside world, to be understood by others, and to be able to listen to us and express all our emotions and experiences.
Once we are not understood and cannot meet someone who is "can chat", it will make us feel pain.
As we grow older, adults will have a sense of "frustration" and "lostness" in their social state.
is like you have hundreds of WeChat friends, and you can’t even find someone who can chat with you.
A reader left me a message:
He said that due to work reasons, he has more than 1,000 friends, and a considerable number of them were people he met when he was in sales before.
And more than half of these people are unable to name them; only a very small number of people have intersections with them in real life.
Despite this, he still felt particularly lonely.
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-01
The number of friends is decreasing, which is inevitable.
people have different needs for friends at different stages.
First: Number of friends, before the age of 25, it will generally usher in the "peak"
And, friends before this age group are the friends relationships in "youth".
View friends in the order of one person going to college and attending his first job after graduating from college.
25 years old, basically had met the person I wanted to meet.
Not long after graduation from university, the contact with the university roommates and classmates has not been completely alienated, and they maintain a relatively tacit and familiar communication with each other.
I just started working and met friends at work.
I live alone in renting a house and meeting friends outside.
At this time, we still long to have friends in our hearts and do not resist meeting new friends.
Because we really need to talk, understand, tolerate and encourage.
and other things can be obtained faster from friends.
Second: After the age of 25, the number of friends begins to decrease
Most people’s friends begin to decrease, all of which start after the age of 25.
At this time, the graduation time is gradually extended, and I rarely have contact with my college classmates, and maybe I will keep in touch with my roommates occasionally.
work has begun to stabilize, and there are not so many requirements for friends, so I won’t be in a hurry to meet new friends.
Because of work friendship, it is often unreliable.
and at this age, it is a watershed for adults.
Changes in work, changes in living environment, and flow between cities will all affect a person's mentality of making friends.
You have met many "strangers" in a hurry, but they are just a few polite words. After meeting each other, there are few more intersections.
-02
The quality of friends is always more important than quantity
10 friends with wine and meat are not as good as 1 reliable close friend. This is the truth.
Aristotle said: "There is no real friend in the world."
The reason why we have expectations for our friends is often because we impose our own emotions, thoughts, and thinking patterns on our friends in our subconscious.
Some friends will only consume you and bring you harm. No matter how many such friends there are, they will only have the disadvantages to you.
And high-quality friends don’t need too many, sometimes 1 is enough.
What are the characteristics of a reliable friendship?
1. Trust, equality
Both people have similar qualities. The so-called "birds of a feather flock together, and people are divided into groups" is the truth.
You trust each other enough and are willing to show your true side in front of each other without reservation.
is equal in your relationship, and there is no way who gives more and who gives less.
Because you all have a strong " empathize with heart" and are willing to be good for each other and will not let the other party suffer losses.
In a sense: friendship is another form of love.
Whether it is to manage friendship or love, this feature must be possessed.
accepts the other party and trusts the other party.
2. There is a sense of boundary and a tacit understanding
The sense of boundary mentioned here not only includes the sense of boundary in physical space, but also includes the sense of emotional boundary.
For example:
A friend came to your house as a guest and saw that you were busy and there were guests at home, he would find an opportunity to leave as soon as possible.
Even if you keep him, he will leave.
This is the sense of boundary between friends and a "sense of proportion".
A true friend will never make you feel troublesome, but will make you feel comfortable.
Two people will put themselves in the shoes of each other and have a high enough tacit understanding.
No matter how good the relationship is, you have to maintain a sense of proportion;
No matter how good the relationship is, you will leave some space for the other party.
-03
Loneliness is the essence of human beings
People are destined to be lonely, because in the end, you are the only one who walks on this road in life.
is a little lonely, some thoughts, and some emotions. Only you can understand yourself.
Even if you face your lover or friends, you will not easily confide in your conversation.
We often hide certain emotions deep in our hearts and treat them as our own secrets.
The best way to fight loneliness is:
Know your own loneliness and accept your own loneliness.
Then in a lonely state, transfer this emotion (emotion) to others or something else.
Wang Xiaobo wrote this passage:
"In the evening, you sat under the eaves, watching the sky slowly dark, your heart was lonely and desolate, and you felt that your life was deprived."
Do you have similar experiences?
The moment I woke up after taking a nap, I was the only one left in the room, and I felt like I was abandoned by the whole world.
Watch the dusk alone, the moon, the wind and rain, and the world. These moments give you the illusion of being "separated from the outside world".
In fact, this kind of loneliness is the norm in life.
Who is not fighting loneliness while reconciling with loneliness?
Today’s topic:
Do you often feel lonely?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
