01.
"You must be an adult who is not allowed to look back and look at you."
Haruki Murakami This sentence was also quoted in the article by me. At that time, I just came out of university, and I was still very fragile mentally, and I didn’t know how to get along with others. , I don’t know how to balance work and life.
After being injured several times, people become conservative and are reluctant to actively express themselves, and they are not willing to express their thoughts and emotions at will.
After breaking away from the pure environment of reading, it seems that everyone has become so cautious: start to be an adult, not emotional, unassuming, and have their own little secrets. , I don’t want to talk to people around me.
Everyone is changing in a rational and calm way.
Get along with people, advance and retreat with a degree; don’t make friends easily, don’t expose yourself easily; try to share when you’re happy,When you are sad, you just want to digest it by yourself.
Although this can avoid a lot of unnecessary psychological burdens, in fact, I really don’t like this now.
I don’t like Haruki Murakami’s “Don’t be emotional”, I don’t like the self who is beginning to hide his emotions, I don’t like having a lot of thoughts but I don’t dare to share it with people around me. Of yourself.
After all, if you hide too much of your true self, you can create a more decent appearance on the surface, but it is easy to become more and more lonely inside.
However, when you are in a bad mood, you also need to vent and need a lot of comfort.
Choosing to be a calm adult is a sad thing after all.
02.
is probably when everyone starts to become mature and stable.Probably it was a time when I shared many times and I couldn't get the desired response.
It’s like, sometimes you just want to simply share some feelings with your friends, but you will also hear the other person’s words "how big things are, relax your mind", "you think too much Too much", "You are too sensitive", suddenly loses the desire to express.
Then, I will start self-reflection: Is it really bad for me to do this? Do others dislike the always emotional self? Is it true that you are too sensitive and annoying?
Finally, all doubts and anxiety will evolve into a trend: in order to prevent others from misinterpreting yourself, just keep your mouth shut.
There are a few things that can be left aside, and things can be digested slowly, but if you want to solve the problem in this way of evasion, you will still feel sad.
It was not like us before.
At that time, you can share whether you are happy or not. You can't hide things in your heart, and you don't have to worry that others will examine and misunderstand yourself.
One-to-one understanding and tolerance,It should be the most comfortable state in a relationship. But the concerns of adults will gradually replace those who do not ask for simplicity.
Many times, I worry that if you don’t understand me, you will poke my pain point;
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In this way, it is really easy to stop the enthusiasm for sharing and start to become quiet.
03.
.
I also want to vent when I'm unhappy, and I want someone to listen and accompany without a filter when I'm sad.
In many cases, when we are troubled by bad emotions, what we need is not to discuss what is right and wrong, nor is what people around you tell you "Don’t be emotional, don’t think too much." "The voice of advice.
what we need,But I hope that there is a comfortable and safe space to vent myself, and I hope that there is someone by my side to talk together and listen to your heart. It is enough.
It’s just that we seem to have difficulty understanding and tolerance at the same frequency. Often when you want to share, others don’t want to listen. When you’re sad, others think you’re too sensitive and heavy, so it’s slow. Slowly opened the distance.
Later, in the trend of increasingly "conservative and inward" development, I didn't like the rhetoric that emphasized "decent, strong, self-beautiful".
Because I probably only know the best in my heart, that's a deceitful behavior.
All want to be favored, and all want to be understood and tolerated, so there is no need to always be proud to draw a line with friends, no need to worry too much about hiding yourself, no need to always be colorful Glasses to examine the sadness and sadness of friends.
It’s just a simple hug. Don’t make me feel that I need to worry about other people’s feelings even when I’m sad.
04.
I have a friend, I have a friendThey are the kind of people who can chat and share their feelings at will. Of course, this kind of friendship exists only after more than ten years of acquaintance.
We can tell each other our worries when we are unhappy, and we can rant about the negative emotions of the moment regardless of the consequences.
I don’t have to worry about being misunderstood by her after I complain, or being read and interpreted by her. She doesn’t have to worry about me betraying her little secret, we can communicate with each other very happily.
Whether it is happiness or sadness, we can share freely. The tacit communication of listening and being listened to is a moment of comfort and beautiful healing when sad.
Reality anxiety, although many people are advocating the importance of managing emotions, many people are telling you the importance of keeping boundaries with others, but I think There is no need to compress yourself that much.
When you are sad, you also need to release yourself. When you are alone, you also need someone to accompany you to understand your little emotions.
If you can find a relaxing zone and be yourself, it is a very warm thing if you have a good friend who does not examine your bad emotions.
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.I’m Beixun,Writer, write heartfelt words, interpret emotional life, if you like my article, welcome to follow @北寻情
